Thursday, December 9, 2010

EXCLUSIVE!!! "Deep Throat" SEEKERVILLE MAID TELLS ALL!!!

An honorable profession, as old as time. Treat them well because they always know too much...



Breaking news from Seekerville!

Our cub reporter Ruthy "The Yank" Herne went undercover and locked in the first of several interviews with Helga Helgensbottem, the gal that keeps things moving and shaking (don't ask), neat and tidy (except for Janet's rooms, there's really no need for a maid there... which gives Helga more time in The Yank's section. Totally necessary.)

Remember folks, you saw it here FIRST (and last, most likely) the interview you've all been waiting for. And if you weren't waiting, seriously, pretend you were. My hormones are all over the place and I cry easy, okay????


"So, Helga," I ask, assuming a totally normal-for-Ruthy non-confrontational tone, "you’ve been working for the Seekers for how long now?"
“Yah, It's been three years, give or take, and such a lovely bunch of gals they are, bless their hearts…” (If you remember the Swedish Chef on The Muppets, "Bork! Bork! Chickie Chickie!" use the feminine version of his voice for a more realistic Helga.)
The minute Helga uttered the words “bless their hearts” I knew the Seekers were in BIG TROUBLE…
But being a cub reporter, I went underground, changed my identity, dyed my hair and put on some really great glasses to FOOL HER into thinking she was being interviewed by a big-splash-grocery-store-checkout tabloid…
.
For big bucks, of course. Amazing how a little cold, hard cash loosens the lips. So here you have it, the one-on-one uncensored (Are you kidding me??? If you believe that, I’ve got some prime swampland in Florida ripe for development…. Just sign here.) story as told to me by Helga Helgensbottem, the FORMER maid of Seekerville:
.
"Garbage says so much, so, yah! Bein’ the cleanin’ woman for Seekerville and the only upstairs maid on Unpubbed Island, I see my share of tings, that's for certain! Now take my Miss Myra, such a sweet girl, so prim, so proper, so very pristine, a lady in all respects and kind to animals, too, but I've got just two very bitty words to tell you about Miss Myra: pink cheetah."

Ooo, la la!


Helga straightens her hair a smidge and shakes her head in disbelief. "Yah, indeed, and I'll be saying no more about that particular subject. For the moment."
.
Interesting. I lean forward, an eyebrow thrust up, then I realize I look ridiculous and sit back. But I still look ridiculous so I hunch forward again. There's a reason Ted Koppel did this so well. The trench coat helps. Helga continues, a cup of Earl Grey tea clutchedin her pale, pasty hands.
.
"Now that Pam, yah, she’s a good un’, allus on top o’ things, workin’ hard, and Itell her, I say, “Pamela, lose the eye hardware, girlfriend, let those glams shine the way the Good Lord intended,” but that one is allus too busy workin' her heart out on hard drives and spreadsheets the likes of which I have not seen, no, but then I’m too busy to be playing on the Internet, such a waste of good time and money. Wooden shoes have gotten pricey and windmills aren't exactly cheap you know. But luckily, dirndl skirts have come back in style, no?"



Umm, no. Except in a costume shop. I pretend acquiescence, because dirndl skirts haven't been in style for a century and a half, but I'm undercover and must appear fascinated.
.
"Now Miss Melissa's a fine, young thing, married to the preacher man an’ all,, a southern gentle woman to the core, yah? Sure, an' she's got those pretty little hands of hers, just so dainty, tender and kind ‘round most anythin’ that breathes. What that sweet, gentle woman goes through to make her characters shine like a church chalice on a spring Sunday mornin’ is painful, but she does it so well."
.
Okay. Yawn. Gag. Booooorring! “Does Miss Melissa have a propensity for pink cheetah as well?”
She shoots me a look as though I’m whacked.

“Not our Miss Melissa! Proper southern women would not be thinking such a thing, ‘though if you saw the new paisley purse she’s luggin’ ‘round these days, you’d think there might be somethin’ other than white or black in her unmentionables drawer, but you won’t hear that from me.

My job is to help my gals, lookin’ out for them, takin’ care not to blab all their secrets!. Sweet as pie they are, ceptin’ that Yank, why she’s got a set o’ lungs on her like fingers on a blackboard, and I tell her, “Miss Ruthy, should you be talkin' like this all the time, yah? How can you ever listen?” And she just laughs and waves her hand which is answer enough right there, ‘cause Miss Ruthy, she's not one to listen. No indeed, she’s too busy blaming poor Miss Mary for pretty much everything that might ever go wrong, but," she leans closer.

So do I...

"I did hear her mention how she loves Mary’s black skirt and that seemed so charitable, because anyone who’s seen Miss Mary’s black skirt knows it came over on the Mayflower, possibly before. And it's a sad commentary on our times, but they just don’ make linen like they used to, do they?”

Helga takes a long sip of Earl Gray, her gaze trained on the island, contemplating, so I use the segue she provided to ask about Mary...


Hahahahahahahahaha!
Instantly, Helga looks troubled and I perk up because this can only mean one thing: MORE DIRT ON CONNEALY.

“Now that Miss Mary, she says she’s shy, oh she shouts that from the mountaintops, we hear it day and night, how she likes bein’ alone, being tucked away, out of sight, but then she is from Nebraska, so you don’t get much more tucked away than that, but it does seem that every time I turn around there’s someone on the phone wantin’ to talk to her, a book club, a radio show, a bill collector…

Oops, don’t put that one in, I’d hate to embarrass Miss Mary, she’s THAT nice..."
(Undercover Ruthy masks an evil laugh with a cough…)
Yah, now our Miss Deb, she's a lady through and through, and her family, so nice and strong, so patriotic and I was sure I’d never find anything objectionable in her waste basket, but then I checked her dresser drawers….
And had to head across the way and check Miss Myra’s drawers again, in case I’d mixed up the laundry, but I did a quick double check on the size tags, and no, everything was in the right drawers but who would have thought pink cheetah was all the rage in Seekerville?
Not me, but then where's a Yank going to find pink cheetah? Obviously they're indigenous to latitudes below the Mason-Dixon line. We've got some mangy coyotes up here, but I haven't been thinking of wearing them. Not since I got that second contract, anyway. “Helga, let’s cut to the chase. What about Julie? You’ve read her books, right?”
A hint of guilt crosses the young maid’s features. “She said it was okay to read ‘em.”
“Of course it was,” Undercover Ruthy soothes. “They’re great books. But what about Julie’s um… er… private life?
“Hmmph.”

Helga snorts like she’s never heard anything quite so funny, then leans forward, a busy finger tapping the air.

I can tell you why she writes such real romantic scenes an’ all, but she had me sign a paper when I first come to Seekerville, sayin’ I'd be discreet, that I'd never tell, no way, no how. Yah, and when that cute husband o’ hers comes visiting, the Do Not Disturb sign appears and DOESN’T LEAVE THE DOORKNOB FOR DAYS.”


Undercover Ruthy gulps and decides she better schedule a complete physical for her and her darling husband of 37 years.
“Days?” she chokes.
Helga gives a firm nod. Oh, at least. Yah, and it's a fine example they make, married all that time and so in love.”
Note to self: Patent and bottle whatever it is that makes Julie Lessman tick. It will be worth a fortune!!!
“Now food,” Helga continues, a good thing, because Undercover Ruthy LOVES food. “Yah, you would assume that these gals work themselves down to nothing the way they stash food like furrrrrry vittle squirrels. Many a time I've had to chase seagulls out of those huts. And yah, they are messy birds and all over our fine Island this time of year, but I hear tell that Miss Pam has her eye on a great condo ‘cross the way on the mainland with room enough for all her electronics and wifi’s and whose-a-ma-jiggies…

“They eat a lot?”
“No, they barely eat at all, the poor things.”
Undercover Ruthy snickers. Obviously hiding the chocolate wrappers has worked.

“Yah, but they keep a fine supply on hand, just in case. Now and again there's one of those phone calls from New York or Boston or Minneapolis. How one phone call can send a room full of women into a feedin’ frenzy is beyond me, but, yah! It happens all the time. They eat when they are happy. They eat when they are sad. They eat if one gets a bad call or a bad review, they eat if they get good calls and good reviews. There’s no figuring it out.”
Undercover Ruthy’s got nothin’ because, well… Helga's spot on.
“Helga, I—”
Helga lifts her arm, reads her watch, springs to her feet, and heads for the door, her dirndl swishing as she moves. “I gotta go. Miss Cara’s on her way in from Florida and a sweeter gal you never did see. I need to get her room ready.”
“I heard Miss Ruthy’s coming in tonight too," I say, hoping to urge some form of positive nugget from her, something in The Yank's favor.


Hah.
She sniffed out loud. "Her room's as ready as it will ever be while I'm here, after all those terrible things she says about our precious Mary. Why, Miss Mary even slips me a little extra to short-sheet Ruthy's bed. And glue her toothpaste cap closed."


(Like that’s a surprise.) “But Helga, we haven’t even mentioned some of the gals…”
“Yah, you come again and ve vill talk more,” she promises. “Miss Cara always brings me fresh food from Florida and little bottles of soap she takes from other hotels. She’s such a sweetheart.”
Helga hurries away, and Undercover Ruthy examines the interview. She’d have loved to gotten the dish on those other Seekers from Ms. Helgenbottem's point of view, but wait!
Helga promised a ‘next time’… Which meant her job was guaranteed until Undercover Ruthy uncovers all the facts.

But first and foremost, they'd be getting the 'skinny' on Julie’s vitamin regime. And maybe dirndl isn't all that bad, after all!

And, per commenter request and vivid imaginations, we may have just the thing for our Jules!!!

And here it is:


Okay, not pink but this WILL suffice and lends hope that pink IS available!

Hey, leave a comment or guffaw or whatever you choose (nice, of course!) and I'll tuck you in for a most delightful drawing for Tina's debut novel "The Rancher's Reunion" or Audra's debut novel "Rocky Mountain Cowboy".


I CAN'T BELIEVE THEIR BOOKS ARE OUT!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!


126 comments :

  1. Hahaha this was TOO funny but I gotta ask, I know there are pink leopards but what happened to the purple ones? :-P

    XOXO~ Renee
    steelergirl83(at)gmail(dot)com

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  2. Very creative Ruthy!

    But the poor maids don't get as much power in the gossip department anymore, seeing as people like to put themselves on reality TV shows or youtube or wherever else they can. Poor maids :) What will they do in this century? Maybe sell their stories to the tabloids and get so much money they can start their own reality TV shows :)

    Eva Maria Hamilton at gmail dot com

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  3. Oh man, LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!! Seriously Ruthy you outdid ourself! I shoud've had you write your own post for my blog, it would've been sooooooo much better *wink*

    Hope after all that reporting you get some sleep : )
    Hannah
    hccelie[at]gmail[dot]com

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  4. Why would anyone need TWO black skirts.

    I'll get a new one when this one wears out.

    Which it won't because I never even wear the one I have.

    Jah! Dat's right.

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  5. Ruthy, you slay me! I hope you have a splendiferous day! I'm looking forward to the next scoop by the tabloid cub reporter in disguise.

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  6. LOL! I LOVE IT!

    And when you bottle and patent whatever it is Julie's got, let the rest of us invest before you go public, would ya?

    I won Rocky Mountain something the other day - I thought it was Hero not Cowboy though. Am I getting things mixed up or are there two different books? Or is it late and I'm tired?

    I did ask a nursing student friend about perfecting that caffeine drip and she proceeded to tell me it's impossible. However, she did say that a caffeine PATCH would work, so here's a stack of caffeine patches and if Unpubbed Island is anything like the LOST island where things work a bit differently, here's an IV drip as well.

    The 3yo is FINALLY down for the night! Off to bed for me!

    carol at carolmoncado dot com

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  7. Yank:

    OH. MY. WORD.

    Ruthy, you said you put me in a book, but I think you meant here. Just TOO TOO much like my name to be coincidence.

    Already read The Rancher's Reunion. A right good read it was, too. So I need Rocky Mountain Cowboy.

    Cardinal

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  8. Excellent investigative reporting from Undercover Ruthy! When's Helga Helgensbottem's tell-all book coming out? And how long will we have to wait for part 2 of this story? . . . I'm sure folks will have fun with this all day long. Wonder how many comments there'll be on this post by the end of the day . . . Thanks for making us smile today! reneeasmith61 [at] yahoo [dot] com

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  9. Oh my stars!!!

    ROCKY MOUNTAIN HERO!!!

    ROCKY MOUNTAIN HERO!!!

    ROCKY MOUNTAIN HERO!!!

    Duh, I had just finished it, too, on Tuesday, yes, neglecting my charges and all to see what would happen with GABE and MELANIE!!!!

    LOVED IT AUDRA! (and there's a sneak Janet and Ruthy siting on pages 131 and 133... and unlike Mary, Audra didn't have me RUN OVER BY A CAR.)

    Oh my stars.

    Helen, seriously?

    Seriously????

    More to follow....

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  10. Helen Gray = Helga Helgensbottem


    I LOVE IT!!! You can be your own tabloid scoop, chica!

    And you're actually in two books, a lovely principal character in both. Thanks for being so inspiring. You rock.

    And I'm excited this week because we just completed the art work (no, even Helga doesn't know this yet because SHE NEVER CLEANS MY ROOMS... BUT SHE SPENDS DOUBLE TIME IN MARY'S, KEEPING THE LONER (oh, please) COMPANY.

    Dear saints be praised.

    Anyway:

    Book Four of the Men of Allegany County series:

    (drumroll please!!!)

    YULETIDE HEARTS, December 2011

    Oh, happy days are here again,
    The skies are gonna' clear again!
    Let's sing a song of cheer again!
    Happy days are here again!

    My First Christmas Book!!!! Oh, yay, oh yay!

    Pass the eggnog, Ruthy's over the top today!

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  11. Ruthy, I love to start the day giggling. Thank you. I am definitely looking forward to "part two".

    I have ordered both books so no need to enter me in the drawing. I love doing my part to help launch LI careers!

    I have brought fresh out of the oven cranberry walnut bread today (and its gluten free version) along with honey butter.

    Peace, Julie

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  12. Ruthy,
    This was too hysterical! Honestly, I think you could cause an alligator to laugh!!

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  13. Love how these gals celebrate with food, Helen... I mean Helga... when a phone call comes in. That cracks me up. Must be lotsa snackin' going on these days with publishers hanging out here to see what the Seekers are up to.

    Congrats to Ruthy on the Christmas book too!

    May at maythek9spy dot com

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  14. HAHAHA!!! I love it! What a fun way to start the day, and very informative. Who knew? I'm a little shocked, a little appalled and a lot intrigued about what takes place on the Island. :o)

    Can't wait for Men of Allegany County series! And Yuletide Hearts...even the title sounds heartwarming and wonderful!

    I already have Rancher's Reunion--once again I HIGHLY recommend. But I'd love Rocky Mountain Hero.

    --Kirsten

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  15. LOL... Ruthy - you are stellar!
    Great interview.
    00Seeker

    It's a shame I have to follow your post on Project Journal. Sigh.

    Btw, are you saying Preacher's wives can't have Pink Cheetah print?
    Just askin

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  16. congrats on Yuletide Hearts, Ruthy!!

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  17. RENEE....

    Ya' gotta love those purple leopards, honey? :)

    I think pink cheetah reveals our inner sweet/wild side.

    Not that I have one, of course!

    But Julie....


    tee hee hee....

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  18. Eva Marie, that's so true! I mean you have to either go total-royal OR total sports' hero OR total Seekerville...

    Of the three, I think the Seekerville maid is always going to be more fun.

    And grossly underpaid.

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  19. Hannah!!!!!!


    hahahahahahahahaha!

    I will write a blog for you anytime, kid. Just give me a shout, you're just that over the top cool.

    I'm listening to Christmas music, the kids are arriving, AND....

    I think there's something living in my house besides me and the kitten. I kept blaming these odd noises on the 4 mo. old calico kitten that we kept.

    Except I heard the noise in one room and kitty was in another.

    Uh oh.

    And I'm already on the fourth SMELLY dead mouse between the walls.

    Dear heavens. Is this normal?

    Say yes.

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  20. Mary, let's get a flowered skirt, honey.

    For summer and not for funerals.

    I'm just sayin'.

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  21. Hi-larious, even at 8AM. Thanks for starting my day out LOL :)

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  22. Ruthy!

    No better way to wake up than with humor! A happy start to the day.

    Congratulations on your Christmas 2011 release!!!! Can you tell us anything about it? Did it start out a Christmas story?

    RRossZediker at yahoo dot com

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  23. Ruthy~

    Cub reporter? You're the Ace, lady!

    Are you sure Helga isn't Swedish/Irish/Jamaican? She just couldn't make up her mind in my head. : )

    I'd love to win Tina's book, I'm pretty sure I won Audra's last week.

    andeemarie95 at gmail dot com

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  24. Ruthy~

    I have to wait an ENTIRE YEAR for your next book?!

    That's a long time to perch on the edge of my seat : )

    word veri: churo (isn't it supposed to have 2 r's?)

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  25. Erica, girlfriend, three hours with Mary????

    Talking and food???

    That's my Christmas wish, right there!!!!

    Limitless Connealy. I'm totally in.

    Sign me,

    A Big Fan

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  26. Oh, man, coffee....

    What was I thinking, not sharing???

    Pumpkin Spice. Newman's Own Bold.

    Caramel Vanilla Cream. Gloria Jean's Butter Toffee....

    And caramel machiato creamer.

    Oh my.

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  27. Ruthy, you are too funny, girl!!! I personally think you hit the nail on the head with the dirndl. THAT is Julie's secret. And she still looks great in it.

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  28. I think Melanie has as valid point.

    Julie, Keith, and a pink cheetah dirndl.

    yep. The secret to A Passion Most Pure.

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  29. LOL...great post, Ruthy! You gals have too much fun. :D It's great to see so many kindred spirits in one place. I've never shared in a sisterhood like this, but its great catching the aftershocks!

    lr dot mullin at live dot com

    ~Linnette

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  30. LOL!!! OMIGOSH, "Deep Throat" -- LOVE IT!!! Herne, you are SUCH a hoot, and sweet Helga?? All this time I thought she was this shy, little thing that never said "boo." Just goes to show how the right person can corrupt anybody!

    But no fair, Ruthy, you are SUCH a tease 'cause I want the scoop on EVERYBODY -- NOW!!!

    And what Miss Helga said about me?? "Yah, and when that cute husband o’ hers comes visiting, the Do Not Disturb sign appears and DOESN’T LEAVE THE DOORKNOB FOR DAYS.”

    That's right, and I got one word for you: JAG. So get your mind out of the gutter!! :)

    Gotta go -- Victoria Secrets is running a special on pink cheetah ...

    Wait ... JAG and pink cheetah ... mmmm ...

    Hugs,
    Julie

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  31. Did you read Julie's post?

    (wink) see what did I tell you? Me and Helga are close.

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  32. So, Carol. I've quietly paid Helga under the table to check out Julie's vitamin supply.

    I'll keep you posted, darling. ;)

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  33. The reason for keeping a neat room--no need for a snooping maid, no fear of leaking secrets from or about my drawers. Ah, the merry mayham of Seekerville. Thanks for the laughs, Yank!

    Janet

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  34. Renee, a tell-all book????

    Oh my stars, there goes our collective careers!!!

    :)

    But.... Maybe.... I think you've got a great idea there, perhaps an expose written from multiple perspectives. Captain Jack...

    Madame Zelda...

    Helga Helgensbottem

    Dishing the dirt on the Seekers.

    Mostly Mary and Julie, of course.

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  35. Oooooh way too fun! Can't wait for part two. LOVE you, Ruthy

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  36. Julie, oh the bread, talk about melt-in-your-mouth wonderful.

    I'm beside myself happy. THANK YOU!!!

    And Edwina, you must have Googled me because I recently branched out my business to include one-night shows at alligator bars.

    And they're actually a fairly easy audience. If they've been fed recently, of course.

    Otherwise I think I look more like dessert and NOT entertainment.

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  37. KC and Kirsten, thank you!!! Don't you just love that name "Yuletide Hearts"????

    Pam Hillman came up with that one and Melissa and Rachel loved it.

    Me, too.

    And it's such a heartwarming story of proving yourself (him) and accepting yourself (her).

    Women have WAY too many doubts, you know? We're such.... women. ;)

    And Callie Burdick in Yuletide Hearts (you meet her in the earlier stories, which is why I love working in series... My brain loves series stories. My belly loves chocolate.) is a great gal, a single mom because her husband walked out on her to forge a perfect life with a perfect, petite gal in Boston...

    A former cheerleader, OF COURSE...

    But God's got a great hand of putting the right opportunities on our doorstep at the right time. If we're not too stubborn and opinionated to see them.

    Oh my gracious!

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  38. Pepper, I think "Ginger", the preacher's wife in Reunited Hearts would INSIST on having pink cheetah.

    Every girl should have some sort of faux fur JUST BECAUSE.

    And don't you love baby girl's things trimmed in faux fur? Or am I ridiculous in how cute that is????

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  39. Andrea, shouldn't you be shoveling???

    We've had snow here for a week. Parts (like I-90 in Buffalo) got several feet... We've got about 18 inches and still falling... Andrea's in the hill country and probably beats my total hands down.

    Rose, CAN I TELL YOU ABOUT IT????


    :) BIG HUGE GRIN....

    I can, but then I have to kill you.

    Sorry, couldn't resist, I love to say that.

    Bad boy Matt Cavanaugh has turned his life around with the help of his late grandfather. Now a successful contractor in a rough economy, Matt comes back home when he invests all of his money in buying a half-built subdivision, the former contractor a victim of the housing bubble burst and Crohn's disease.

    But when Matt's closing takes longer than anticipated, time works against him. It's mid-November and many of the area's construction workers have headed south for the winter, his roofing subcontractor is restructuring under the bankruptcy laws and Matt has no choice but to ask Hank Marek, the former owner of the half-built neighborhood, to crew for him.

    When Hank Marek and his daughter Callie and a few of Hank's old military buddies start crewing for Matt Cavanaugh, they know two things: Matt Cavanaugh may have been a bad boy back in the day, but now he's a one tough but fair contractor.

    And two, they're fighting the clock to get these lovely homes roofed and enclosed before the weather turns bad. And when the code enforcement officer suspects that Matt's living on site illegally, Hank covers for Matt by offering him a room in their home.

    Divorced mom Callie Burdick's had a tough enough time staying immune to Matt's great smile, those broad hands, his attention to detail...

    But can she remain aloof while Matt teaches her son Jake what it's like to have a gentle man to toss him in the air? To take him skating and sledding? To furnish a fresh turkey and cut down a Christmas tree?

    But when the bank that foreclosed on Hank is cited for robo-signing, Hank stands to regain his beautiful subdivision and Matt's future becomes uncertain.

    Will the former bad boy of Allegany County fight to keep what he paid for? Or will he succumb to a system that's never done him any favors in the past?

    So there's a taste of it, without some interesting twists that will take you down their pasts, their presents and secrets that never should have been kept.

    Rose! Are you sorry you asked????

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  42. Pepper, let's hear it for pastors' wives in cheetah!! Pink, no less. :)

    Fun post, Yank!! And thank you for not divulging any of my most embarrassing secrets. Whew! I'm so relieved you didn't tell about--

    Never mind.

    :)

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  43. Wrapping my backside in FLOWERS is just so unwise as to not be worth mentioning.

    Have we learned NOTHING?

    Yuletide Hearts.

    So sweet.

    Ruthy with a Christmas book. The mind is boggled.

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  44. Seriously, a tell all book on ME? Did you really READ the section Ruthy wrote about me?

    It's all about urging me to buy a second black skirt. The wildness of it is almost unbearable.

    No pink leopard or do not disturb sign required.

    Let's just label my chapter LUNESTA and use it for a sleep aid.

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  45. Helga, you are SO FIRED!!!

    Uh, wait, no, I'm sorry!!! Really, we need you around here. Seekerville is such a mess. How much will it take to keep you around? (And your mouth shut???)

    Of course, if you want to blab Ruthy's secrets next time, that would be perfectly okay. I mean, how could you NOT KNOW that was her--I mean, SHE (sorry, Grammar Queen)--in that ridiculous Clark Kent-esque disguise?

    Call me sometime. I have a few things I could tell you about that Ruthy-gal. Puleeeeze!

    Excuse me, I have to pick up my leopard-skin tunic from the dry cleaners. Oh, Deb, I'll grab yours while I'm out. You can pay me later.

    Signed,
    Sheena Queen of the Jungle

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  46. Snort! Now I've seen it all -- Seekerville in tabloid format! I'm not sure I'll recover from the shock!

    And congratulations on your first Christmas book ever, Ruthy!!!! It sounds wonderful...would that be what a dreaded synopsis is, by the way?

    I love reading Christmas romances and I just got my delivery of Christmas books from eharlequin. (happy dance). Still waiting on my two Seekerville January ones though, but they've been shipped so don't enter me in the draw.

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  47. Where do you lovely ladies COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?? Just proves what creative geniuses you all are...but kudos to Ruthy first and foremost. ;)

    (does that get me an extra entry?? Shhhh.)

    LOL, what a breat way to start my day! :D

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  48. Andrea Strong....

    NO, NO, NO!!! DARLING GIRL, OH DEAR AND BELOVED FRIEND, IT WOULD BE UNJUST AND CRUEL TO MAKE YOU WAIT A YEAR....

    :)

    April (which means March on eharlequin.com)...

    In April the first book will be released, and I LOVE THIS BOOK.

    TOTALLY.

    INDISPUTABLY.

    AMAZINGLY!

    And that's enough 'ly' adverbs to last anyone a month of Sundays.

    Reunited Hearts... April... Love Inspired.

    I hope you love it! I'll be giving it away here and on other blogs come March.

    Andrea Strong, I'd love to have you win it, chica! And you can still buy two of the North Country books online at Amazon.

    Waiting Out the Storm

    Made to Order Family

    And I'm glad you guys laughed!

    And Andrea, this is how smart you are:

    Helga started out Hispanic but I didn't want to offend anyone so I went Irish. Then kind of Southern.

    But then the dialect sounded like Mammy in GWTW, and I don't even like GWTW, so I couldn't have that...

    So then Helga emerged, but you're right, it's a real all-American ethnic mix, LOL!

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  49. Pink cheetah dirndl....

    Googling now....

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  50. Okay, check the original post now...

    Yes, we have a LEOPARD DIRNDL which might even be better than pink cheetah.

    Or not.

    Jules, send me your size, darling, and I'll order one just for you!

    And Keith, of course. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  51. Janet, NOTE that I was ultra-nice to you....

    This may or may not be a habit, but I can be bought with chocolate.

    And Joanne!

    Love you too. Did you get your book? I was late sending things out but I'm almost caught up.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Hi Ruth:

    This is written in code, right?

    I had more success reading “Finnegan’s Wake”.

    However, I do love Tyrolean peasant women but I don’t know what she is doing in this post.

    Even the comments aren’t helping.

    Perplexed in Tulsa.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Jules...

    I've seen Keith.

    Who needs Jag????

    ReplyDelete
  54. Ah, our sweet Mary knows that not only COULD Helga write a dozen chapters about the antics of Miss Mary, but the audience would be glued to their seats.

    Literally.

    That would be our impetous for getting them to read it, LOl!

    Ah, Mary, little flowers. Little flowers are so flattering.

    But you're right, if I can't get you to wear the one black skirt you own, why would a flowered one be any different?

    Sigh....

    I will die trying.

    Probably at Mary's hand. Teeeeena, take note: Mary is to be the FIRST suspect should I go missing.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I'm with Julie. When is the next saga?

    ~Linnette

    PS - Julie, I'm starting A Passion Redeemed.

    ReplyDelete
  56. How about BLACK flowers...on a black background.

    Trying to be flexible, in my own shy way.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Going with Helga...but tacking on the very SOUTHERN ... Bless her heart...explains a lot.

    Helga used to work for MISSY in Georgia.

    Now on the Island.

    Berlin to Atlanta to the tropics.

    She's lived a full life.

    Now if I could just get her to pick up old sox. Helga's standards seem to shout...I CANNOT BE REPLACED.

    Which may be true.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Okay, my ears have been burning all morning, and now I know why!!!

    CAROL wants to "bottle and patent whatever it is Julie's got and let the rest of us invest before you go public."

    Carol ... it's called HIGH METABOLISM ... ON CAFFEINE!! Uh, actually, I'll be happy to sell my "secret" with the purchase of a book, if anybody's interested. I mean, come on -- it's Christmas, and a girl's gotta make a few bucks, right???

    But I'll give you one big clue right now ... it sure in the heck ain't a pink cheetah!!! ;)

    Hugs,
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  59. MEL!!! Dirndl??? I didn't even KNOW what a dirndl was before this post, so it's definitely not my pegnoir of choice!!

    And, PEP ... "Julie, Keith, and a pink cheetah dirndl" IS NOT the secret to A Passion Most Pure, I can tell you that. More like Julie, Keith and JAG ... with maybe some black satin thrown in ...

    RUTHY SAID: "So, Carol. I've quietly paid Helga under the table to check out Julie's vitamin supply."

    I have to say that I do have a pretty impressive vitamin regimen, which I can NOT divulge here, supplemented by a steady diet of romance books, of course!! Oh, and it helps to be a little bit of a juvenile delinquent too ... :)

    Hugs,
    Julie

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  60. RUTHY!! LOVE the animal leopard outfit, but lose the headband, please!! Off the shoulder is one of my FAVORITE things, so nice job!!

    LINNETTE ... Oh, I hope you like A Passion Redeemed as much as I do -- it's my favorite of "The Daughters of Boston" series, but I'm in the minority. Most readers seem to like APMP the best. THANK YOU for reading it and PLEASE ... give Charity a chance, okay??? Trust me, you will LOVE her by book 5 ... :)

    Hugs,
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  61. I must say, I think this is the worst post I have read in sometime. Ruthy an undercover reporter. Oh pleassse.

    Helga must be half-blind to not see the little devil in Ruthy's eyes.


    Snort... Okay, I thought it was cute. Maybe a tad bit better than cute.

    In all honesty, I got a good laugh, that's for certain. You nearly slayed me, yah. Slay me again, Ruthy, and I'll bring down the thunder.

    HAHAHA

    Poor One Black Skirt Mary. I so feel for her now and her plight.

    We all had a good idea that Julie had to be supplementing. Perhaps it's something in the water she drinks.

    I've have learned just a few things from this post. First and foremost, the girls of Seekerville are, for the most part, gentile women during the day, and perhaps a bit naughty when the lights go down and then they slip into their pink cheetah drindls and well... who knows

    LOL

    blessings

    Tina P.

    tpinson.co(at)netzero.net

    ReplyDelete
  62. This place is HOPPING today!! Ruthy WAY TO GO on the book, lady!!!!! Seriously, you're one of those authors that no matter how dirt poor I am, I MUST go out and buy her book *grin* Sooooo I can only anticipate the greatness of the next book and a Christmas one!? Guuuuuuuuuuuurl, why didn't you have that THIS Christmas?! Bahahaha....maybe next Christmas we'll see you again on my blog ; )

    Okay everyone, Pepper's interview is posted on my blog now!!! Check it out and show her how much we love her, even if she does have to follow Ruthy's interview *wink* I think it turned out great, lol!
    Talk to you all soon,
    Hannah
    hccelie[at]gmail[cot]com

    ReplyDelete
  63. Mary~

    **Let's just label my chapter LUNESTA and use it for a sleep aid.**

    You slay me! I thought I was gonna fall out of my chair laughing. Not that I believe it for a minute.

    Ruthy~
    Whew! So glad you cleared that up. BTW, I already have Made to Order Family. I'll get Waiting out the Storm for sure. But isn't there another one? Can't I get it somewhere?!

    Hey all, I posted another review (my 2nd) on my blog (which you can find if you click on my name above) It's not a Seeker book, so I won't go on. But if anyone wants to check it out, I'd love some feedback. Do I give away too much? Not enough?

    Thanks

    Andrea

    PS: Ruthy, how much would it take to convice you to "randomly" draw my name in that give away next March?
    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  64. Andrea,
    The other one you're talking about is Winter's End. There's a giveaway going on for it on my blog right now!!! Check out yesterday's post with Ruthy and it's there. That is, if you're interested lol!
    Sorry didn't mean to butt in, but I saw this and thought I'd offer a chance for a free copy : )
    Sorry!
    Hannah

    ReplyDelete
  65. Myra, aka: Sheena.

    Sweet.

    Leopard and cheetah.

    You're such a conundrum!

    And I'm glad you've got a sense of humor AND that you're willing to help Deb.

    You might say thank you that I DIDN'T mention the sizes although Helga did blurt them out.

    Nope.

    I KNOW BETTER than that, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  66. Kav, have I hugged you lately? If not here is a BIG ONE...

    ( )

    You're such a stinkin' sweetheart. So glad you're here.

    And don't you just love Christmas books? Oh my stars, I'm having so much fun writing it.

    Especially writing it while I'm decorating and baking and reading advent stories of donkeys and young mothers and a child of the poor.

    And Max Lucado's Crippled Lamb, a sure tear jerker. I should have mentioned that the other day for Teeeeena's wonderful post.

    Love that story.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Oh, Casey, yes indeed. Did I fail to mention that the more you suck up to me and pad my stats, the MORE ENTRIES you receive????

    Silly me!

    ReplyDelete
  68. Vince, refer to some reply above where I explained Helga's ripe evolutionary process.

    I think I ran out of time and energy when Google started fighting me just before 11 last night.

    So Tyrolean peasant woman or Irish/Swedish/Scandinavian/German/Southern/African-American ethnic blend, Helga's just that.

    An all-American girl, making a living.

    Gotta love her. Until she short sheets my bed.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Linnette....

    Hmmm..

    Part two....

    Definitely a height of winter thing, don't you think?

    Before Reunited Hearts comes out in March/April.

    Do you love how I cleverly slipped that release date in again?

    ReplyDelete
  70. Mary, I like that history/back story for Helga.

    Which explains her propensity for being OVER THE TOP nice to Miss Melissa.

    Slight gagging noise heard in upstate New York.

    And black on black? Great with silk shirts for men.

    Not so much on cheap cotton skirts.

    Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Jules, I love that pic and who knew such a thing existed????

    Hahahahahaha!

    Now don't get your panties in a twist over the headband, honey. It's removable, but we wanted to present the entire ensemble.

    And since we all share a down home love for Julie's books (I still love Faith... I'm a sucker for nice girls) understanding what drives her is a really good thing.

    Meow....

    ReplyDelete
  72. Tina P, LOL!!!!!

    I know, I'm about as subtle as a two-by-four to the head, but hey....


    Helga's a bit naive, she actually bought it!

    And I might just be buying myself a dirndl, but I'd probably do like white eyelet.

    With a bow at the waist.

    And yes, I am that corny. It's sad, really.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Hmmm. Ruthy you are gorgeous, talented, witty, charming and a generally very nice lady who never ceases to make me laugh. A prize winner in my book!

    (how I'm doing??)

    ReplyDelete
  74. I must be corny too. I love white eyelet made my wedding dress out of it. I look awesome in it, especially when I have my farmer's tan.

    ReplyDelete
  75. I've decided Deep Throat overstates this a bit.

    How about Backstairs at the White House?

    Or 'The Help'.

    ReplyDelete
  76. If I have to take fashion advice, I want it from someone with a pink leopard Sheena costume, please.

    So much more my style (I can wear a bag over my head while in the Sheena costume, right?)

    ReplyDelete
  77. Hannah, you sweet thing, you.

    I'm coming over to hug you in cyber person.

    Be right there.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Uh, Jules, sweetie, I've bought a total of TWELVE books in the last couple months. Doesn't that earn me something?!?!?! ;)

    Ruthy - please definitely keep me in the loop. I've got the caffeine thing down but not so much the high metabolism part... And I'm more an NCIS girl than a JAG gal so if there's something more than she's telling, I need in on it. And Helga had split personality in my head too...

    Linette - Awesomeness, no? So easy to get sucked into Juliefic.

    [And I so need to expand my Seeker library here, people. Drawings! Me and Andrea both won Rocky Mountain Hero the other day, we should win more together - so if she's got a fix in, stick my name next to hers. If she doesn't have a fix in, then pick me anyway ;).]

    Back to the grading abyss...

    ReplyDelete
  79. Casey, yes!!!

    Well done, my friend!

    And Tina, isn't white eyelet wonderful????

    Just lovely. Lovely. Glad we're sympatico.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Hannah~

    You butt in anytime if you have news like that. I did go enter that giveaway. And I think I became a follower on your blog. I know I followed something today.(gosh, I hope it was yours:/ )

    Thanks for the heads up!

    ReplyDelete
  81. Mary, you could SO DO pink cheetah.

    Without the bag.

    Seriously, Dude, I hear a chorus of:

    "Do you see what I see?"

    Think of that when you look in that Connealy mirror, cause what I see is two thumb's up gorgeous.

    And skinny.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  82. Carol~

    If I don't have a fix in, It's not for lack of trying. I've been tryin' to get a fix in with you, but you keep shuttin' me down.

    : )

    ReplyDelete
  83. Andrea - But I don't have any books to giveaway!!!! Just the ones for my sister and best friend who actually DO KNOW where I live! [Though I know you could find me...]

    I did email you the link to the Wake Up Your Muse contest though. I think you could win that one!



    I'm not sure if I should mention here but... My 9yo daughter LOVES cheetahs and cheetah/leopard print. She even has an outfit that is nothing but velour cheetah print. But none of the pink stuff - the brown 'real' thing...

    Er, grading. Right. Yeah. Need to do that...

    Captcha: gloym - isn't he from Lord of the Rings?

    ReplyDelete
  84. Just went back to the main post and OH MY! Julie?!?!?!

    That's quite an outfit...

    ReplyDelete
  85. Carol~

    Sisters? Best friends? Pshaw! what have they got on cyber-acquaintances with lots of friendship potential? Really? (and I COULD find you, after all I know which route you drive to work every day =D )

    kidding...maybe

    w.v. yoments That one's begging for a smart remark, but I can't think of one.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Congrats on your Christmas book Ruthy!!!

    ReplyDelete
  87. Andrea - no you don't :p. My hubby... yes. Me not so much. Because I don't work at the same place every day! Neener neener neener!

    Bet I could find you easier than you could find me - without stalking my husband anyway.

    But would that ruin the friendship potential? Is it worth the risk? If you were a bit closer, I'd loan 'em to ya but you're not... =D

    ReplyDelete
  88. Didn't we have Helga sign a non-disclosure clause?? Oh, my goodness! the little blabbermouth!

    It's all good though. She never got the skinny on my hut...way too boring after dusting in Myra and Julie's, LOL!

    whew! Dodged that bullet!

    Now on to important stuff...

    Rancher's Reunion!! I just cracked open the cover page...don't you just love that new book smell?? Soon to be followed by Oklahoma Reunion in October. Third reunion set in????

    And yay to Yuletide Hearts! I'd buy that book for the title and pay double cuz it's written by RLH (sound it out kids... R--- L---- H----) Ha ha ha!!

    I'll be back. Gotta get the whole JAG - pink cheetah thing untangled.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Funny, it's Ruthy's day and I don't notice a whole lotta folks eating...

    Hmmm, the whole Helga Lowdown is too much fodder in itself to leave room for gratuitous calories!

    Hahahahahahaha!!

    ReplyDelete
  90. Julie? Does Keith know we're bantering his name around in vain??

    Ruthy's right. You've got cutie Keith, no need for JAG.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Ruthy,

    Sounds good to me.

    United Heart? Yours? Can't wait! I'll see if I can stand to save some of my Amazon dollars for the release.

    Unless I can get an autographed copy, of course. ;-)

    ~Linnette

    ReplyDelete
  92. Been getting ready for guests for supper tonight...four singles from church. Wouldn't you know that TODAY my kitchen sink decides to stop up and won't unstop? I've even used the plunger. By now both sinks are full of water and there's not way to drain it unless I scoop it out and throw it out the back door. Ugh!

    Off to slave some more!

    ~Linnette

    ReplyDelete
  93. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Thanks for the scoop!! Now I know that when you delete a comment it doesn't go away.
    Lisa
    storyreader617@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  95. Oh my stars, what a hoot!

    Andrea and Carol have their own party going on, and I LOVE IT!!!

    And I promise, promise, promise I will shower blogs with Reunited Hearts come March.

    And have I mentioned at least a hundred times that I love Alyssa and Trent's story? A story of bad choices and second chances? A little boy lost and a love refound?

    I can make myself verklempt just thinking about it!!!

    What a dork.

    Hey, I brought supper snacks. Pepperoni pizza (because I'm working tonight) and apple cake.

    I needed appley goodness. You know. Apples. Cinnamon. Sugar. Delicious gooeyness.

    Apple cake.

    Whipped cream too.

    And I'm on coffee # 4....

    Not so bad!

    Hannah, I love your blog....

    www.hcprojectjournal.blogspot.com

    Great Christmas theme going on!

    ReplyDelete
  96. Eva, thanks for the congrats, honey! I just saw that tucked in there.

    I'm grinning ear to ear as I work on it.

    A total dork, over-the-top excited because I get to write a Christmas book...

    "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

    Jack Frost nipping at your nose..."

    :)

    You get it!

    ReplyDelete
  97. My skirt came with a mother of the bride dress. For the SECOND child's wedding, I just bought a top. No one needs TWO floor length black skirts.

    But I hate skirts. Seriously. I haven't had a skirt on since my last daughter's wedding. Their second child is due in March.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Also, I don't think dirndl is a real word. Not enough vowels to qualify.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Ruthy, you've outdone yourself! This is a funtabulous post.

    I bought a Dirndl during the four years we lived in Germany, but mine is boring blue. Why, oh, why didn't I think to look for pink leopard? What was I thinking.

    My excuse was that the purchase was made in the distant past before I enrolled in your Lighten Up and Live a Little course. I'll just have to ask Gwynly to be on the lookout for pink leopard number when he takes the DD to Germany this summer so I can keep up with the Seekers. Won't he love that? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  100. Lisa, Google's been weird today. He/She multiplied my comments a bunch of times...

    And seriously, I'm lucky if people read them ONCE...

    In triplicate????

    Waaaaay toooooo much Ruthy!

    ReplyDelete
  101. If you'll notice - one of the triplicate copies of Ruthy's post was a synopsis of her upcoming book.
    Coincidence???

    Just sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  102. Missy,

    Julie's out for the pink leopard print. Sigh.
    I guess it's just us preachers' wives.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Keli, ROF, LOL!!! I bet she'd find it for you...

    But she'd never give it to you, LOL!

    She'd be thinking "eeeeeeuuuuuuwwww!!"

    Kids.

    See how well the loosen up and live it up course is doing?

    You are not only burning up contest circuits, impressing editors and agents, you've ACTUALLY CUT A MANUSCRIPT.

    Really cut it, I mean the ol' slice 'n' dice!

    You rock, Kel-meister! :)

    Proud of you and glad you think the pink cheetah has potential. I can't disagree!

    Mary, I wore the same pretty blue dress to Matt's and Beth's weddings.

    Those are two different weddings.

    Matt married Karen. (we love her)

    Beth married Jon. (we love him)

    But, honey, see: I OWN other dresses. And skirts.

    And that was Helga's oh-so-subtle point.

    A couple o' dresses.

    A couple o' skirts.

    It's all good!

    ReplyDelete
  104. Pepper, I knew you'd catch that.

    Sly....

    Like Stallone.

    The Yank is sly.

    And Julie does not know what she's missing. Pink cheetah, pink leopard...

    Adorable.

    And I just saw a SNUGGIE commercial with a leopard print.

    A snuggie in faux fur. Microplush faux fur, no less.

    Oh my stars.

    ReplyDelete
  105. And by the way:

    Preacher's wives rock.

    Totally.

    And I love Missy's new hot purse.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Ruthy,
    Please tell me Ginger is an adorable red-head with more than two kids???

    Yeah?

    ReplyDelete
  107. Loved this! It was so funny! Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  108. I'm being overrun by cheetahs!

    There's someone on the news talking about cheetahs.

    So weird...

    ReplyDelete
  109. This has got to be the most bizzaro post we have ever had in Seekerville. I fell off my chair laughing.

    ReplyDelete
  110. I might own another dress. I can picture it.
    It had a nickname.
    My Funeral Dress.
    Navy blue, white collar. Boring enough to last for decades.
    But I think I threw it away.
    The fact that I can't remember really tells the whole story doesn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  111. AFter a long day, I needed a good laugh. This was definitely it.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Ruthy, verklempt? (raising eyebrows) What on earth is that? (Going to look it up now.)

    ~Linnette

    LOL...I've never heard that word in my life, but I can see you making yourself verklempt. :D

    ReplyDelete
  113. Okay Pepper and Missy, count me in for one a them thar pink thingies.

    Helen

    ReplyDelete
  114. Wickedly funny, Ruthy. Thanks for stretching our minds.

    And speaking of mind stretching, my word verification is wonesi. With all that action behind the "Do Not Disturb" sign, someone might be needing some one-sies! :-/

    Blessings,
    Mary Kay

    mary [at] marykaymoody [dot] com

    ReplyDelete
  115. Is any preacher's wife eligible for the Pink Cheetah Club? If so, I'm am SO in!

    I humbly agree with Ruthy. Preachers' wives ROCK!

    ReplyDelete
  116. I'm totally getting locks for my drawers now.

    Not THOSE ones, Helga!

    ReplyDelete
  117. Pepster:

    Ginger is the preacher's wife who hated small towns and wasn't big on preachers...

    She's expecting their fourth child and her husband is a cutie although we don't see much of him.

    You'd like Ginger and you get a chance to meet her in April...

    Or maybe March. :)

    ReplyDelete
  118. Jan, you're welcome! Thanks for stoppin' by....

    Grab a cookie on the way out.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Bizzaro.

    I love that word. I consider that the epic peak of my career.

    ;)

    Helga....

    I can't wait to have her back, Radcliffe...

    She did promise we'd talk more about YOU next time.

    And Sandra....

    And I'm not sure who else she'll target, but I can guarantee you we won't be talking about sweet, little Miss Melissa....

    Indigestion striking just contemplating that!!!

    But pink cheetah might come into the mix again.

    You never know.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Connealy, I owned that same dress. For funerals, first Communions, baptisms, graduations... I do not want to tell you how many occasions that dress went to. It's a story in and of itself.

    And it was a hand-me-down from a friend at church who actually owned more than one dress. What a sweetheart!

    Walt, whatever it takes, Dude. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  121. Andrea, I love the quote from Sound of Music where the mother superior assures Maria that the love of a man for a woman is holy, too.

    AMEN.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Mary Kay, I love how you think!

    Babies are our business....

    Our only business.

    Well, okay, they're an offshoot of romance, but we're sooooo there.

    Love those babies! God is good, all the time.

    And all the time, God is good.

    Cheryl:

    Helga has a master pick for locks.

    Those Tyrolean/Irish/Southern/Scandinavian types always do.

    It is useless to resist us.

    ReplyDelete
  123. I'm heading to Friday but I will check back for stragglers.

    I love stragglers but not as much as babies.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Ruthy--Can't wait for your Men of Allegany County Series to come out. The backdrop hails from one of the most beautiful areas of the world, and is America's best kept secret. Hope to see you on the New York Times Bestseller List--you've got the talent!

    ReplyDelete
  125. Loves 2 Read Romance - LauraDecember 10, 2010 at 9:48 PM

    That was great!! I loved learning about some of the great authors who blog on here.

    fantum2004 AT sbcglobal DOT net

    ReplyDelete