Friday, February 25, 2011
I see Jesus
I know and understand what true physical pain feels like. For no reason it seems, pain occurs, pain that is off the 1-10 chart jumps to an easy 12-15. Today I started out feeling fine but one small twist to make the bed told me something was wrong. Within an hour of time I was in intense pain. The pain was so hard to endure that even after dealing with it for several minutes I couldn’t wait for it to end. Plans were canceled, disappointment set in. Why today? Yes, the past week had been busy and stressful. Yes, there is a storm approaching that affects my fibromyalgia. I want to blame this pain on someone or something. Please Lord release me from it’s grip. There is nothing to take my mind off the pain. I can’t concentrate on any movie or book; there is no position such as sitting, standing, or walking that eases the migraine that has settled in my back. I feel the fingers of pain surrounding my abdomen, down my hips and up towards the middle of my back. I finally saw the end of this pain eight weeks later after a trip to the emergency room and four steroid shots. I’ve never had a flare up last this long. It was during this time I had four evenings scheduled at a local county fair to launch my book. I was uncomfortable to say the least but God saw me through it as He always has. If Satan was involved in this he didn’t win again. I choose to follow Jesus every day.
In some small way I feel a little of the pain Jesus endured on the cross. I feel a connection with him. While I want to cry like an unwilling five year old Jesus suffered so readily. The Creator of the Universe handled Himself during His trial and crucifixion the way we would expect Him to -–silently. Jesus was sinless He had done nothing wrong. Loving us too much is the only thing we could accuse Him of. I may be suffering silently today but I’m certainly not suffering willingly. My pain can’t be compared with the torture Jesus endured before the cross and on the cross. That would be minimizing what Jesus did for you and for me.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think God could use me to write about my fibromyalgia experiences. Following the will of God has been the most exciting and adventuresome event in my life. God had a message that He wrote through me to share with others who live with daily pain. It all began with picking up the phone and calling a couple friends who knew a couple more friends who all lived with fibromyalgia and my support group was inaugurated. We began with basic lessons but after a year it seemed something was missing. One of the gals from my group mentioned she needed more spiritual help. We all agreed to include Jesus as our guest for all future meetings. He filled the void we were all feeling.
I immediately began writing a six week Bible study that I presented to my group in as many weeks. After several months of rewriting and editing these lessons turned into a book of faith and the journey I took with God. This is the closest I’ve come to sorting out the, “why do I have
fibromyalgia” question, God used my limitations for His glory. I’ve never kept a diary but writing in this type of format helps me vent and in my own way cry out to God how unfair life can be. He sees and knows all that I am dealing with. It’s enough for me that I will be in Heaven one day with Jesus and have a body that will never know pain. But that’s how I get through these fibromyalgia flare ups, I see Jesus.
“I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.” Psalm 31:7
Life—it’s all about Jesus!
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