Wednesday, May 28, 2014

LAYERING AS YOU GO: INTERNAL DIALOGUE AND CHARACTER VOICE


Welcome back for Part THREE of “Layering As You Go!”
.
In Part One (Clickhere)I shared how I personally like to layer my manuscript “as I go” — periodically pausing throughout the writing rather than facing the immensity of a bare bones manuscript to flesh out after typing “The End.” I highlighted a number points that layering may involve and, in Part Two (Click here), we had some fun with revealing emotion through the use of body language and facial expressions.
.
So this month let’s take a deeper look at another element of layering.
.
LAYERING: Internal Dialogue and Character Voice
.
For some of you, internal dialogue and character voice may not be familiar concepts. If well done, these elements of layering will have subconsciously drawn you into many of your favorite stories. But they might not be something you’ve yet truly “recognized” or incorporated into your own manuscripts. These elements play a major role in what you may have heard called “Deep Point of View” (aka Deep POV).
.
Deep POV can, when applied well, enrich your story in amazing ways, allowing a reader to glimpse the inner workings of your character’s mind and strengthening your story emotionally. The elements we’ll touch on today aren’t rules—they are tools. If overdone or done poorly, they can defeat their purpose of pulling your reader into the story and actually jerk them out of it.
.
One of the simplest Deep POV layering “tricks” is to be alert be to the use of phrases such as “he felt,” “he heard,” “he saw,” “he thought,” “he wondered,” “he realized,” “he knew” and other similar “telling” phrases. They tend to distance readers rather than draw them in.
.

As I mentioned in Part Two of this series, there is nothing WRONG with naming an emotion. It’s the same with using these “telling” phrases. But vary it. For example:
.
Instead of: He felt hot.
How about: Sweat trickled down the back of his neck.
.
Instead of: He wondered where she was going.
How about: Where was she going?
.
Instead of: He realized she didn’t like what he’d said.
How about: Clearly, she didn’t like what he’d said.
OR this: A crease formed between her brows as she contemplated his words.
.
Instead of: She heard his horse whinny.
How about: His horse whinnied.
.
Instead of: She wished he’d look at her with love in his eyes.
How about: Would he ever look at her with love in his eyes?
.
Instead of: She noticed he didn’t look happy.
How about: He didn’t look happy.
OR this: His lips curved decidedly downward.
.
This is very simple layering/rephrasing that can increase emotional impact.
.
Another simple (and fun) layering technique is bringing out in both dialogue and internal dialogue a character’s “voice.” Now, this can be overdone to the point it becomes tiresome or even irritating. So use this technique sparingly. A light seasoning.
.
For this technique, you consider the deep point of view of your character—how they would think? An 1800’s Montana cowboy and a modern-day New York interior designer might be watching a sunrise, but isn’t it likely they’d think of it or comment on it in much different ways? In keeping with their experiences and oftentimes their gender?
.
In my first published book, “Dreaming of Home,” I could have written the thoughts of ex-Navy corpsman Joe Diaz like this: He watched his son race down the winding dirt path, arms outstretched.
.
But I wrote it like this: He watched his son race down the winding dirt path, arms outstretched as he wove from side to side like a fighter jet honing in on an aircraft carrier.
.
And in my “Second Chance Courtship” I could have written cowboy hero Trey Kenton’s thoughts like this: But tonight she didn’t look as if she intended to stick around long.
.
Instead, I wrote: But tonight her eyes were that of a filly fixin’ to bolt.
.

.
So that you can see how deep point of view can enhance a passage in your manuscript (and understand why I overshoot my publisher’s word count if I wait to layer until the book is done), below is a bare-bones (“talking heads”) example from my first published book, “Dreaming of Home.” Joe Diaz, our hero, has just answered a land-line call from Carmen—the sister of his deceased wife Selena—who is threatening to legally take his child from him. The heroine is across the room with Joe’s little boy...
.
“I’d appreciate it if you’d have the courtesy to use my cell number.”
.
“Afraid the kid will answer?”
.
“Promise me.”
.
“Okay, but I’m not going to say anything to upset him. I’m the one who wants what’s best for Davy. I love that kid, remember?”
.
That’s what I started with. It’s okay as is. It gets the point across and sometimes that’s all you need, but I wanted readers to get inside Joe’s head, to know how he’s feeling during this call, and for him to think in terms an ex-Navy man might use. Here’s what I ended up with...
.
He lowered his voice. “I’d appreciate it if you’d have the courtesy to use my cell number.”
.
“Afraid the kid will answer?”
.
“Promise me.”
.
“Okay, but I’m not going to say anything to upset him. I’m the one who wants what’s best for Davy. I love that kid, remember?”
.
Staring out the window, teeth clenched, he remained silent. Love. She might be—of all things—a social worker by vocation, but she didn’t have a clue about love or she wouldn’t keep pursuing this.
.
Carmen sighed and he pictured her face so similar to his wife’s, yet character so different. Selena’s nature had been whimsical and uncomplicated and, yes, sometimes maddening. While her sibling donned an equally beguiling demeanor it was surface only. Like a sub lurking beneath glassy seas, her deeper regions housed warheads of single-minded tenacity when it came to getting something she wanted. And what she had her sights on, ever since she learned she couldn’t have children, was Davy.
.
So today, see if you can rewrite the examples below to eliminate the “telling” words and (if you’re feeling adventurous), spice up one or two with bit of “voice.” Remember, though, that the latter should be anything but heavy handed as it can get real old real fast. Don’t have your fictional people think/speak out of character--but every thought, every word out of his/her mouth, doesn’t have to be blatantly “colored” to reflect their background/career choice. A little goes a long way.
.
If you use analogies in your story, use them clearly, lightly and infrequently. Don’t force your reader to reread your “clever” sentence over and over to make sense of it. Using analogies too frequently—especially convoluted ones which leave your reader going “say what?”--becomes irritating.
.
Again, there’s nothing WRONG with a “telling" word, but eliminating many in your manuscript will add impact to your writing. Keep it simple. Don’t try too hard.
.
So here we go...!
.
She felt upset.
.
He thought it looked as if it might rain.
.
She noticed he didn’t look well.
.
She wondered if she should apologize.
.
Have fun!
.
Glynna
.
If you’d like to be entered in a drawing for a copy of my April Love Inspired release, “Pine Country Cowboy,” please mention it in the comments section, then check our Weekend Edition for the winner announcement!
.
Glynna Kaye’s debut book “Dreaming of Home” was a finalist in the ACFW Carol and Maggie awards, as well as a first place winner of the “Booksellers Best” and “Beacon” awards. Her 4 1/2 star “At Home In His Heart” was chosen as a Reviewers Choice finalist by national magazine RT Book Reviews. “Pine Country Cowboy,” her seventh Love Inspired book (and the sixth set in the mountain country of Arizona), is available now—and “High Country Holiday” releases in November!
.
No Place Like Home. Abby Diaz longs to reestablish a relationship with her father, so she heads to Canyon Springs, her Arizona hometown, with a painful past she can’t share with anyone. But then she’s needed to care for her young nephew. The little boy takes a shine to a happy-go-lucky cowboy, a handsome man who’s everything Abby can never have. The more time she spends with Brett, the more she realizes he’s harboring a heartache of his own. As she works on repairing family ties with her father, Abby knows that opening up to Brett is key to forging a new future...together.

107 comments :

  1. ILOVE it Glenna! If a story is written in deep POV, does that mean the only one we get to know is the heroine/hero? I would love to win your book! Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good morning, Marianne! I'm not surprised to see you here so early (4:33 a.m. Arizona time).

    If you have multiple points of view in your story (i.e., scenes written from hero, heroine and, let's say, a villain's POV), you CAN be in the deep point of view of all those characters. Be inside their heads.

    The problem with being inside the heads of TOO many characters "telling" the story from their point of view (hero, heroine, hero's brother, heroine's grandma, the guy in the apartment upstairs) is it can distance readers from the main characters' story. There are some very talented authors who are able to do this multi-POV very well and not take away from the emotional impact on the hero/heroine. But I'm afraid I'm not one of them yet! :)

    Marianne-- you want to win another copy of Pine Country Cowboy? I mailed one to you at your Arizona address before you left Arizona. Did you not receive it?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good morning and great blog post! I thought I'd try the exercises. Here goes:

    Example 1- She wondered if she should apologize.

    If apologies were an always, sometimes, or never choice on an exam, she’d choose never—make that sometimes.

    Example 2- She felt upset.

    Each jab of her fork morphed into a feeble attempt to right her upside down state.

    Example 3-He thought it looked as if it might rain.

    The grey-brown horizon rolled in the distance, and so he sniffed. Fresh grass and faint dew.  Time to head for cover.

    Example 4-She noticed he didn’t look well.

    The shadows underneath Baby Boy’s watery grey eyes sent a dull ache through Mama’s spirit. Her son’s story wasn’t supposed to end this way. The parent always departed earth before the child and departed well into old age—hopefully.

    Twasn’t right.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My HTML tages didn't work like I had planned in my sentences :-/ Anyway the following sentences and words were supposed to be italicized.

    Example 1- "always, sometimes, or never" "never" "sometimes"

    Example 3- "Fresh grass and faint dew."


    ReplyDelete
  5. I absolutely love your series of posts on Layering, Glynna! You're including elements that are good to remember even if you've written dozens of books!

    Learning to write with Deep POV is so essential to a memorable book...as yours are! I love how you get into the mind of your characters and bring them alive.

    Thanks for the excellent post I must keep by my side as I explore the characters of my new book!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm running late this morning. Great post. I still have the notes from Part 1. Can't wait to study this more.

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good morning, PRESLAYSA! (Love your name!)

    EXCELLENT illustrations! I feel my emotions tugged in different directions as I read each one. From a smile in the first to sadness in the last.

    I can never get the italics and bolds to work right either--takes me longer to attempt to do them than it does to write out an entire comment. But your examples hold strong impact even without italics.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good morning, AUDRA! I find writing in Deep POV fun, don't you? Are you working on another "Circle D" book? I have "Second Chance Ranch" on my Kindle and am looking forward to settling down to another brother's story! :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi, JACKIE! Thanks for stopping by -- glad you're finding the layering series helpful!

    I kind of think of it as a series of transparencies, each with a little something added, placed on top of the previous one.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Morning Glynna, Thank you so much for this series. It has been a good reminder and help. Definitely a keeper to print out.

    Thanks again and have a great day. I'll come back later this afternoon and try out some of the exercises.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Good morning, SANDRA! Hope you have a good day, too! How'd the workshop presentations go? Tell us a little bit about them if you get a free minute!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Another great post on layering! I've pinned to my Pinterest writing board...No need to enter me for the book. I have it, and I've read and enjoyed it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Glynna, this is a good post. I'm just coming off Jill Elizabeth Nelson's night course (I won it, THANK YOU SEEKERVILLE) and I'm eager to apply Deep to everything I write. (I tried it on a grocery list. Didn't work out well.) I'll have my "experiment" in a few minutes. Deep POV, internal dialogue and voice are really the way to go. Wish I'd known about it sooner.
    Kathy Bailey

    ReplyDelete
  14. To Preslaysa,
    LOVE the example of Mama and Baby Boy! Lot of backstory there!
    Kathy Bailey

    ReplyDelete
  15. Kathy Bailey enters the fray.
    Example 1. She wondered if she should apologize.
    My take: "Should she apologize? Would he listen, or store up resentment for next time? Would he show her what he thought of her apology, with his fists?"
    Example 2. She felt upset.
    My take: "This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. They should be leaving together, his hand at her back as he leaned close to hear what she was saying. Not with Heather. Never Heather."
    Example 3. He thought it looked as if it might rain.
    My take: "Were those storm clouds? Of course, on a day when he'd left both umbrella and raincoat behind. It figured. How it figured, he no longer cared."
    Example 4. She noticed he didn't look well.
    My take: "Where was the robust man who'd raised her, swung hammers and axes, laughed from behind the wheel of the ChrisCraft? Who was this trembling stranger?"
    Too much backstory, I know, but it was fun.
    KB

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi, JENNIFER! So glad you enjoyed "Pine Country Cowboy!"

    ReplyDelete
  17. Note to Sandra about yesterday: I was joking about the MySpace and Instant Messaging. Even I know they're obsolete. Which proves my point: people don't always know what our motivations are if they can't see our faces, so we need to be SCRUPULOUS (my Reader's Digest Word of the Day) about what we post.
    If anyone wants to make a point about how fast technology changes, I think I just did.
    KB

    ReplyDelete
  18. Would love to win the book.
    KB

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi, KATHY B! Wish I could have taken that class, too!

    Those are WONDERFUL illustrations! Again, I feel my emotions shifting from one to the other. Isn't that amazing how mere WORDS can do that to us? And these examples really show how much more powerful Deep POV is than a mere "telling" word. There is real impact here that draws the reader in.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ohh, fun exercises, as opposed to that other kind of exercise!

    She felt upset | Her internal temperature rose with each word. One more word, and she would explode. And it wasn't going to be pretty.

    He thought it looked as if it might rain. | Mushroom clouds roiled to the west, turning the noonday sky dark and gray. He jerked the tractor into a higher gear, determined to finish baling hay before the first drop fell.


    She noticed he didn’t look well. | She shouldn't laugh, but after 349 boiled shrimp, anybody would be sick. Served him right.


    She wondered if she should apologize. | Her mother wanted her to apologize, but she'd be hanged first. Some hills were worth dying on, and this was her hill.

    Ha!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I loved this, Glynna! Your examples of layering and staying more in deep POV are helpful! I try to avoid those telling verbs, but sometimes it's hard. I'll be referring back to this post.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Glynna...I did, and read it, and loved it, sorry... Review coming...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Glynna, I love this. it fits right in with Jill's class on Deep POV which I am taking and still struggling with. I know it is important to learn and will come as I put it into practice.

    Please enter me in the drawing for a copy of your book

    ReplyDelete
  24. Good morning, PAM! Thanks for joining in on the fun! These are great examples -- some of which are making me smile! :) I love the touch of "voice" you have in there, too. I can almost picture the people who are thinking these thoughts! And isn't it crazy--I want to know MORE about them and their situation even from just a few lines. The power of words strung together well is amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  25. JEANNE T -- It IS hard to avoid "telling" verbs at times, especially when are fingers are flying across the keyboard and a scene is unfolding before our eyes. But THAT is the beauty of layering. You can "tell" the first go-round, then come back and fix it!

    ReplyDelete
  26. MARIANNE -- Glad the book made it there before you headed home--and glad you enjoyed it, too! You just never know how speedy the postal service will be.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hi, WILANI! As you mentioned, the key to learning it is to practice it until it starts to feel comfortable.

    Sure wish I would have had time to fit Jill's class into my schedule as there are so many MORE layers to Deep POV than what I've touched on today. Camy Tang's website also has some excellent articles on the subject.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ooh, I love challenges like this! Great post, Glynna, please enter me in the giveaway!

    #1:

    "You can't do that!" Haley cringed at the shrillness of her voice. Her insides quivered. If that woman thought she was going to just march in here and take over everything Haley'd been working for, she had another thought coming.

    #2:

    Bottom-heavy clouds, charcoal gray and bloated, churned in the Texas sky. Wind whipped the trees, carrying the dewy scent if an oncoming storm. He zipped on a protective vest and headed toward the chutes at the back of the arena. The ground wasn't wet yet and this ride had the potential to send him to national finals.

    #3:

    He sagged against the doorframe and pressed one palm to his forehead. Chalky white skin and glassy eyes. Amanda pushed aside the ledger and rounded the counter. "Zane? You don't look well. What's wrong?"

    #4:

    Should she apologize? His wounded expression said yes, but the still fresh image of him and Wendy dancing silenced the words before they made it to her lips. She'd apologize when he did and not a minute before.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Glynna, revealing who these snippets are referring to might be detrimental to my health! lol

    Her mother wanted her to apologize, but she'd be hanged first. Some hills were worth dying on, and this was her hill.

    Hmmm, since I'll be doing a micro blog post on was later on, let's revise this one to get rid of that was. Hey, that's what revisions are for! :)

    Her mother wanted her to apologize, but she'd be hanged first. Some hills were worth dying on, and she'd chosen this one to make her last stand.

    Okay, well, the "were" is still there, but I do like this better. Sometimes, it's the rhythm, though, not necessarily the words that speak to me, if that makes sense.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Loving all these great examples. You guys are really good at digging down to that deep POV! :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. Pam definitely hit the example on apologizing better than I did!

    ReplyDelete
  32. EXCELLENT, CRYSTAL! I love the examples. I especially like the storm one--how its a foreboding foreshadowing of the upcoming ride.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Pam -- a touch of perfectionism there? :) Looking forward to your blog post!

    ReplyDelete
  34. You all are REALLY good at this. I'm enjoying reading all the illustrations. Amazing how a few well-placed words can draw a reader in and make us FEEL what the character is feeling.

    Well, I need to step out for a bit, but if all goes well I SHOULD be back!

    ReplyDelete
  35. The storm is my favorite too, Glynna!

    ReplyDelete
  36. I love all the examples you gave and those in the comments too! I'll be watching out for deep POV in the books I read now :) Please enter me in your giveaway!

    ReplyDelete
  37. What a totally timely post for all those folks doing edits for Killer Voice. And us folks working on WIP.

    ReplyDelete
  38. This is your first Christmas book!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Okay, Kathy Bailey. It's time for you to change your profile picture so we can actually SEEEE YOU!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Hi Glynna:

    However you layer your writing, you do it just right! Your books are a joy to read.

    I think your post reflects a Goldilocks approach to layering: not too much this and not too little of that – just the right amount of voice, just the ideal dip into deep pov. (All cooked up ‘to taste’) : ) Like cooking, the ‘taste’ part is what gives me the most problems.

    What I learned from your post is to not go overboard in making revisions – I have a tendency to always go over the top. So this exercise is really a much needed lesson in restraint!

    She felt upset.
    She was mad enough to spit fire.
    .
    He thought it looked as if it might rain.
    He sniffed the breeze. It would rain in an hour.

    She noticed he didn’t look well.
    He was sick but pride made him try to hide it.

    She wondered if she should apologize.
    An apologize was in order but would it make things worse?

    ReplyDelete
  41. One thing I hate about being on a deadline is that I don't have time to play today's game!

    But I loved this post. (I've loved all of this series, by the way.)

    I'm learning that I write in layers. Partway through my story I'll go back and add layers into the first few chapters, and then about halfway through the book I'll do it again. And again when I'm nearly at the end.

    On one of those passes through the story, I focus on deepening the POV of my characters. You've given me more things to include!

    Thanks, Glenna!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Glynna, love this post! Excellent reminders on how to add emotion and strengthen the connection between the reader and our characters. Your examples are wonderful, as are your books! I must get out and buy Pine Country Cowboy before its gone.

    To fit your post today, I brought layered salad for lunch. Greens, cauliflower, cheese, onions, bacon, peas topped with mayo. All those layers add different flavors and textures. Much like the suggestions in your post. :-)

    Janet

    ReplyDelete
  43. Love your POV lesson today, Glynna. This aspect of writing is so key. I appreciate the reinforcement. Since I was housebound in April, I didn't get out to the store to purchase my LI books so I'd like to be in the drawing, please.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Thank you, Glynna! Deep POV is sinking in! I like your suggestions about how to achieve this with a light touch. Knowing what words to check for in my WIP is a big help.

    Pine Country Cowboy was very touching! Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Vince has been studying. He's a classmate in the Deep POV class with me. This is hard work!!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. I really catch myself using
    He Knew
    and
    He thought

    And this are always weaker phrases.

    The difference is huge between
    He knew he was in trouble
    and
    He was in trouble
    Or even take out the passive 'was'
    Trouble bared it's fangs.

    I love this post, Glynna, great examples.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Okay I'll try your examples.

    She felt upset.
    "Joe, I--I--" Her voice broke and she couldn't go on.
    .
    He thought it looked as if it might rain.

    The rumble of thunder drew her eyes skyward. A rain storm right now would be the perfect finishing touch on this disaster of a day.
    .
    She noticed he didn’t look well.
    . The color leeched out of his face and she jumped to her feet to catch him before he collapsed.

    She wondered if she should apologize.

    She'd hurt him and it was a surprise to know she could. Nothing she'd said was wrong but she didn't have to be such a jerk while she was saying it.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Jan how sweet it is, huh? To have deadlines? I can't help but smile. So GLAD you have this problem.

    So glad to have it myself! :D

    ReplyDelete
  49. kaybee....you tried to use deep POV on your grocery list? LOL

    Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  50. I did the exercises but realized there was no shooting.

    My apologies.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Lyndee H what you said about deep POV being key....honestly when you finally get a hold of this method of writing (and call it whatever you want if Deep POV doesn't make sense to you)

    But this way of drawing readers in deep, making them enter the story and live there, that's when an aspiring writer often makes that leap to published!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. Hello, HEIDI! Thanks for stopping by. It's funny how when someone brings up a certain aspect of the writing craft suddenly you become ultra-aware of it when you're reading and see it being used everywhere and in ways you may not have previously noticed

    ReplyDelete
  53. Hi Glynna

    I admire writers who use deep POV effectively. Your examples are very good and I'm enjoying all the comments. Here's my efforts.

    1. She wondered if she should apologize.

    He flinched like she'd hit him. She'd gone too far, but an apology might make it worse.

    2. She felt upset.

    Nerves churned her stomach.

    3. He thought it looked as if it might rain.

    He smelled rain on the stiff wind, and the black, green tinted thunderheads on the horizon promised a deluge.

    4. She noticed he didn't look well.

    His ragged breathing made her look closer. Flushed cheeks and blood-shot eyes. This boy was going to bed.

    I'd like to be in the drawing.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Hi, VINCE! You're so right -- using techniques like this are very much like seasoning. You wouldn't dump the entire container of oregano in your spaghetti sauce if the recipe was only to serve eight. A little bit goes far in drawing your reader closer to your characters and your story.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Hello, JAN! Yep, that's what layering is all about...get it down on paper (or in the electronic document!), then periodically slip back to enrich it. I think as we grow as writers we incorporate the things we're learning and they come more naturally the first go-round. But I still oftentimes fall back into "telling" verbs and need to return to deliberately coax out something with a bit more emotional impact.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Hey, JANET! Thanks for bringing the LAYERED salad! Perfect for the hungry folks here who are posting examples of this particular aspect of story layering. :)

    ReplyDelete
  57. Hello, LYNDEE! There are so many aspects of Deep POV which I haven't even touched on. But I figure if I get one or two aspects down well, then I can move on and learn to incorporate them as well -- LAYERING MY LEARNING! :)

    ReplyDelete
  58. Hi, SHERIDA! I'm so happy you enjoyed "Pine Country Cowboy!" I do think a light touch is important. Readers pick up on the Deep POV subconsciously if it's done lightly, but sometimes can get turned off and irritated if they're beaten over the head with a "trying too hard" handling of it. Fine line to balance on.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Great examples, MARY -- even if there was no shooting... :)

    ReplyDelete
  60. Hello, ELAINE! Great illustrations. I think the one that drew me in most was the last one where I can picture a little kid coming down with some "bug" and getting sent to bed. I also really like "he flinched like she'd hit him" as it lets you know that whatever she said, intentional or not, affected him negatively.

    ReplyDelete
  61. TINA -- do you really think you can coax Kathy B out of hiding...? :)

    ReplyDelete
  62. Well, I have to dash off again. Will see you in a bit! Hard to believe it's almost 3 p.m. on the east coast and not even noon here in the West!

    By the way, the Slide Fire in beautiful Oak Creek Canyon north of Sedona, Arizona, is about 35% "contained" now. Over 1000 firefighters and related personnel gave up their 3-day holiday to rescue that gorgeous part of the country and are continuing to work day and night in 90-some-degree temps. So continued prayers for them would be appreciated

    ReplyDelete
  63. Oh, this will be fun, Glynna!

    >>He thought it looked as if it might rain.<<

    --
    (From a young rancher's POV)

    Right there on the western horizon, dark clouds rolled up and over the mesa. The breeze that had cooled the back of his neck whipped around and made a grab at his hat brim.

    Rain. Sure enough, that was the smell of rain. Heaven be praised!
    --

    And what a thought reflecting a character in this sentence: "Like a sub lurking beneath glassy seas, her deeper regions housed warheads of single-minded tenacity when it came to getting something she wanted."

    Thanks for continuing your layering series!

    Nancy C

    ReplyDelete
  64. Fantastic examples, folks! Wow and double wow!

    I must confess a personal favorite from Pam H:

    She noticed he didn’t look well. | She shouldn't laugh, but after 349 boiled shrimp, anybody would be sick. Served him right.

    Something about that number -- 349 -- makes me laugh every time I read it, Pam :-)

    Nancy C

    ReplyDelete
  65. GLYNNA!!! Like Audra, I LOVE this series on layering, girlfriend. I'm always a little shaky on the definition of DEEP POV, so it really helps to see your examples.

    And I LOVE that you balance it all out with a wide range of options instead of just flat-out nixing
    things like naming emotions or using phrases like "felt" and "thought." It truly IS a balance of words and anything becomes old if overused, so I'm an advocate of using all sparingly.

    Great post!!

    Hugs,
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  66. Great post, Glynna! I'm feeling a little out of touch with Seekerville lately--a lot of family things going on since last weekend. Trying to do a bit of catching up today, but it'll be hit-and-miss until next week, I'm afraid.

    It took me awhile to fully grasp deep POV, and I'm afraid I'm still working on it. I've tried really heard to avoid those telltale phrases you mentioned--"he wondered," "she felt," etc.

    I've also had to work hard on stepping outside the "formal narrator" voice I tend to use and trying to express more of the nuances of my POV character's voice--something like a first-person feel but still written in third person.

    ReplyDelete
  67. PRESLAYSA & KATHY B -- LOVE your examples, guys!!! Both of them hooked me right in, so GREAT JOB!!

    Hugs,
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  68. 349 boiled shrimp????

    I think I ate 349 boiled crawdads once. Or at least it felt like it.

    :-/

    ReplyDelete
  69. PAMMY SAID: "Ohh, fun exercises, as opposed to that other kind of exercise!"

    LOL ... TOO CUTE!!

    WILANI SAID: "It fits right in with Jill's class on Deep POV which I am taking and still struggling with."

    HA!! Move over, Lani -- I still struggle with it too, girlfriend, and am not sure I will EVER fully understand deep POV OR moral premise. :)

    Hugs,
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  70. Glynna, praying for the fires to be out and for all the brave firefighters to be safe!

    Wonderful blog! You've nailed deep POV. Great examples.

    Your writing is so rich, Glynna. Love reading your stories...and your blogs!

    ReplyDelete
  71. Vince, love your example...

    "An apology was in order but would it make things worse?" Vince wrote.

    Excellent!!!

    ReplyDelete
  72. I'd like to give the 349 boiled shrimp a try. Sounds yummy!

    Some of them could be mixed with grits. :)

    ReplyDelete
  73. Glynna, Your series on layering has been helpful. I printed out these blog posts and highlighted many key points. I have a better grasp of deep POV. Now to look over my WIP and layer in what I've learned. Many thanks for the examples posted in the comments.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I am late to this party, but what a party it is!

    Layering....

    That's my favorite part of writing a story, is going in after the initial story is done, and layering new thoughts, feelings, emotions, clenches and clinches!

    Glynna, I love the little tower of books! And your examples are so well thought out. Great teaching post, Glynna-kins!!!

    ReplyDelete
  75. Glenna, great post!! I'm adding it to my 'important information' file. Thank you!!

    ReplyDelete
  76. Hi Nancy, What great examples you gave us. Shows you're getting this big time. Glynna will be tickled pink.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Prelaysa, I really like your samples also. I love it when you folks dig in to these exercises designed to improve our skills. Glynna is so good at this. smile

    ReplyDelete
  78. 349 shrimp.

    Yep. No sympathy!

    Ha!

    ReplyDelete
  79. It was a tower of books??? I thought it was pancakes... huh

    ReplyDelete
  80. Oh, whew! There were pancakes AND books. Good to know I wasn't hallucinating.

    Carry on...

    ReplyDelete
  81. Great post...as always. I love the examples. Deep POV is something I've been struggling with. It's getting better...slowly!
    Don't put me in for the drawing, because I already have it (I have and LOVE all the Canyon Springs books!)
    Have a great week :)

    ReplyDelete
  82. Kaybee, great examples!

    I'm tired tonight, I am not the life of the party, that's for sure...

    My husband is stealing my helpers because he's starting up his roadside vegetable stand again...

    Which means planting lots of cool stuff, and then these guys need a little food.... some tea.... coffee.... No complaints, though, I think it will be fun for Dave once retirement comes his way.

    Shh... we don't use the "r" word around here!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  83. Sorry I'm late chiming in today, but loved your post, Glynna! And it's one I certainly NEED!
    I appreciate those examples you gave us too - - a big help for me.
    Even though it's evening here, I'm drooling over that photo of pancakes - - YUM! My favorite!
    Thank you again for sharing this - - another one for my Keeper File.
    Hugs, Patti Jo :)

    ReplyDelete
  84. This is a test. I inherited an iPad! Want to see if oIt lets me post, as my iPhone no longer will!

    ReplyDelete
  85. Hi, NANCY C! I love this: "The breeze that had cooled the back of his neck whipped around and made a grab at his hat brim."

    I had fun writing from the viewpoint of ex-Navy hero Joe Diaz in "Dreaming of Home." :) That was the first book I'd really ever attempted to write from heroine AND heroine POV as I'd written predominantly first person POV for my heroines.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Hi, NANCY C! I love this: "The breeze that had cooled the back of his neck whipped around and made a grab at his hat brim."

    I had fun writing from the viewpoint of ex-Navy hero Joe Diaz in "Dreaming of Home." :) That was the first book I'd really ever attempted to write from heroine AND heroine POV as I'd written predominantly first person POV for my heroines.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Hi, JULIE! I'm still amazed at the power of words to convey emotion, thoughts, etc. How just the right ones in the right combination can make us FEEL something for characters on a page.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Oh, MYRA and those crawdads! :) I remember as a kid catching crawdads--but didn't EAT any of them.

    ReplyDelete
  89. MYRA -- Sometimes it DOES help to write first person to get in your character's head--then convert it to third person. When I'm "stuck" in a story sometimes I pull out my AlphaSmart and writer first person until I start to "hear" the character more clearly.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Hi, DEBBY! I know what a prayer warrior you are on the behalf of others, so I have a feeling those firefighters will feel the effects of them tonight. Some of those guys/gals came straight here off those California wildfires, so I know they have to be exhausted.

    ReplyDelete
  91. PAT JEANNE -- I'm glad you've found the series helpful! I personally find I can READ about something and struggle with it, but if I can SEE examples it really helps get it down inside of me.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Hi, RUTHY! We both share that love of layering! First drafts of scenes can be like pulling teeth for me--but going back in and enriching the scene is what I have the most fun with!

    ReplyDelete
  93. Hello, MARY H! I'm honored to be a part of your "important information" file!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  94. Congrats on the IPAD inheritance, Tina! Looks like you're already off to a good start with it!

    ReplyDelete
  95. Hello, LeAnne! So glad you're still a "Canyon Springs" fan! I've had so much fun writing them--and I'm looking into expanding the stories to a nearby town next...!

    Just keep practicing with Deep POV techniques--there's a lot of different aspects involved in it--but gradually it will start to "click" and you'll find it getting easier and easier.

    ReplyDelete
  96. RUTHY -- growing stuff for a roadside stand sounds so neat! When I was growing up in the Midwest, the Amish neighboring my little town would bring vegetables around in horse drawn wagons. You need to get a horse & cart for your hubby!

    ReplyDelete
  97. Hi, PATTI JO! Breakfast is one of my FAVORITE meals no matter what time it's served! So glad you found the post helpful!

    Everyone did such a GREAT job today on the examples they shared.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Tina inherited an iPad?

    Mary "Swamped with Jealousy" Connealy

    :(

    ReplyDelete
  99. Loved the post. Everyone did a wonderful job with the exercises.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Glenna, this is good timing for me. I'm trying to deepen the POV of my Maggie entry and it's proving to be a challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Hi Debby:

    Thanks for that nice comment cited without my error. You are a true friend.

    Vince

    ReplyDelete
  102. A great post thank you. Loved the examples.

    Please do put my name in the hat for a copy of “Pine Country Cowboy.”

    ReplyDelete
  103. Hi, WALT! Glad the post will be of help on that contest entry! I have no doubt you're up to the challenge!

    ReplyDelete
  104. Thanks for stopping by, Terri! I agree -- everyone who shared examples DID do a great job!

    ReplyDelete
  105. Hi, WALT! Glad the post will be of help on that contest entry! I have no doubt you're up to the challenge!

    ReplyDelete
  106. Your tips on writing are great! Love your books.

    ReplyDelete