Thursday, September 24, 2015

Diary of a Novelist

*January 


Dear Diary:



My agent wants me to write that dog story. 

What does she know? 












The muse has landed. This is the book of my heart. My legacy. I have been inspired to write a big concept, amazing, incredible story. INTO THE FOG!

Into the Fog, nominated for six Academy Awards by  the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. 

Including Best Screen Play Adaptation (Insert my name here).

All I have to do is convince my editor....



Music on my iPhone: Another Day in Paradise-Phil Collins

 
February 

Dear Diary:

Editorial approval. Booyah!

Hmm. I wonder what Booyah really means. 

 Oops, it's Ooh Rah.


Ooh Rah is a battle cry common in the United States Marine Corps since the mid-20th century. It is comparable to hooah in the US Army and hooyah in the US Navy and US Coast Guard. It is most commonly used to respond to a verbal greeting or as an expression of enthusiasm.-Wikipedia.


  • Note to self - Can I put a Marine in this book??

My editor sent a twelve page letter of bullet point concerns. 

I laugh in the face of concerns.


 
 On to the important stuff. 

Notes to self:
  • Still need Jimmy Fallon's phone number.
  • Is renting Bradley Cooper considered soliciting? If so, is it a felony?
  • Find dress for the Oscars. Preferably one that makes me look five inches taller, forty pounds thinner, and ten..okay, twenty years younger.


Music on iPhone-Don't Rain on My Parade-Barbara Streisand



 March 


Dear Diary:


Who do I want to take on this journey with me?

Michael Hauge -Six Stage Plot Structure

Christopher Vogler-The Writer's Journey

Randy Ingermanson- The Snowflake Method

Blake Snyder- Save the Cat

Debra Dixon- Goal, Motivation and Conflict

C.S Lakin- The 12 Key Pillars of Novel Construction

James Scott Bell- Write Your Novel From the Middle

Robert McKee- Story

Dr. Stanley Williams-The Moral Premise


First must clean my office and prepare my desk.



 Chapter 1.  

 It was a dark and stormy night....



Music on iPhone-Don't Stop Believing-Journey

  
April  




















Dear Diary:

How many pages a day do I need to write to finish this thing by deadline?

THAT MANY???  

This isn't good.

(Maybe my calculator is broken.)




Music on iPhone: I Dreamed a Dream-Susan Boyle


 
 May  

 Dear Diary:


Situations have arisen that make me unable to offer up my first born son as a sacrifice. Must come up with Plan B-immediately.











God?
 Are you there? 
It's me, your fleece prayer warrior.






Note to self: 
  • Schedule medical appointment for after July 1st deadline. Find out why hair is falling out in clumps. 
  • Check Web MD. Find out if chalk tongue is a symptom of Tums overdose.
  •  What is the world record for days in a row of eating pizza? Contact Ripley's.
  • If husband asks you where his socks are one more time remember to use library computer to research arsenic poisoning. 
  •  Find out what I did with that twelve page letter of bullet point concerns.

Music on my iPhone: The Tide is High-Atomic Kitten


 June

Dear Diary:




















My deepest fears have come to pass!

Time to face facts. The ship has sailed without me. I am a has-been adrift in choppy waters. My life as a writer is over.


I  S.U.C.K.

#PLOTLESSWONDER

 Not only do I suck, but I write slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.


Why did I think I was qualified to write this book anyhow? 

My mother was right. (Shoot me now!) I should have been a teacher.
Note to self:
  • Call bank for loan to pay back advance
  • Practice saying, "Do you want  fries with that?" without sobbing.


Music on my iPhone: Big Girls Don't Cry- Frankie Valli 


June Addendum:

Dear Diary


Thank you, God. 

I am never doing this again. EVER!!

I am done. 


D.O.N.E

Note to self: 


  •  Update resume immediately.
  •  Consider career as a teacher.



Music on iPhone- Handel's Messiah






July  


Dear Diary: 

This really isn't too bad. I sort of like it.
Actually, it's pretty good.












Note to self:


  • Write the dog story next. Sigh.
  • Oh, and find Jimmy Fallon's number.


 
Music on iPhone-We Are the Champions-Freddie Mercury




*All dates have been fictionalized to protect the innocent. The views expressed here are also fictionalized. If you suspect who this novelist might be zip your lip.

__________________________________________________________________

Leave a comment about your diary entries  (can you relate??) or possibly just leave the name of your psychiatrist, or just say hello if you are a lurker or a reader, for a chance to win the following lovely giveaways.


1. A must for every writer. The Grammar Mug.




2. A novelist at work office sign!






3. To one lovely commenter a copy of any Seeker book that is in the rotating sidebar of our blog, and currently available on Amazon or is on preorder. 






2014 Carol Award Winner, Tina Radcliffe lives in Arizona, and hides in a cave May through September. Her latest release from Love Inspired is Safe in the Fireman's Arms and you can preorder Rocky Mountain Reunion now before it hits the shelves in January.

She is delighted to be part of the Christmas collection. A Heart Full of Christmas with her novella, Under the Mistletoe.

139 comments:

Loves To Read said...

Such a fun post! I'm a reader but please enter me in the drawing!

Jackie said...

Hi Tina,

I'm not sure how many times I laughed out loud, but thanks for sharing a fun post. Don't ever quit writing!

Have a great day!

Melissa Jagears said...

Entry 1
Pshew! That book I turned in isn't that terrible bad. I can do this again.

Entry 2
Ideas, Ideas. All the ideas. I can't write a 300k tome so I have to narrow them down. Love my characters. They could do this, or this or this! Filling in all the plotting worksheets, loving all the surprises. This is going to be good!

Entry 3
Macro edits on the last book come in. What was I thinking? They thought it was crap, so this one I'm in love with right now is likely going to be crap too. Boo. Gotta fix this one first because it will ruin my enthusiasm for the next work of crap I'm going to end up turning in.

Entry 4
Okay, so that turned out all right, though I wish I had more time to fiddle, but onto this one. MUST start writing.

Entry 5
Cleaning, organizing, exercising, using toothbrush to clean tile grout. Anything but writing! Don't. Want. to. Write. It's too hard!!! And after doing those line edits, my book is so so bad. Who is ever going to want to read what I write next anyway????

Entry 6
I'm in serious trouble, I procrastinated too much, yep that calendar is broken, no way I can write that many words in that amount of time.

Entry 7
I have to send my stinky chapters to my crit partner. Close eyes. Press send. Wince. Off to proof that last book.....if I read it fast enough, it's not as terrible as it feels.

Entry 8
Okay, so some good crits....some awful. I can fix it! I will fix it! I can't possibly turn that in to my agent or editor that way, they'll realize they signed/paid an advance to the sham that I am!

Entry 9
Yay Done! I'll just read it 3 more times and send my editor great stuff!

Repeat.

Vince said...

.
Diet or Spanx!!!

Go on a diet or get spanked!
That is so not crystal clear.
Just where does the motivation lie?
Talk about breathless!

Mary Preston said...

I'm a reader & this was so much fun to read through thank you.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Thank you, Loves to Read and THANK YOU, JACKIE!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Oh, thank goodness, Melissa J gets it. I LOvE YOUR ENTRIES. Maybe we could hire a shrink together.

Tina Radcliffe said...

SPANX.COM. I am not writing erotica, Vince.

This is not 50 Shades. More like one shade. Unstable.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Good morning and thank you, Mary Preston!

Elaine Stock said...

I can definitely relate and appreciate you helping me to realize I'm not so strange, after all :)

The Artist Librarian said...

LOL, you know you might be on to something here ... There's so much J-fic that are "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" style, this kind of reminded me of bit of those "journal" type of books. =P

Cindy W. said...

Tina! Thank you for putting a smile on my face so early in the morning and I loved all the music links.

The giveaways are awesome too. Please toss my name in. Thank you.

Smiles & Blessings
Cindy W.

Ruth Logan Herne said...

This had The Radcliffe written all over it.

Hysterical.

So funny.

I'm still dying laughing, almost (but not quite!) unable to type.

I will snicker over this all day, and it just SOUNDS like The Radcliffe.

Oh my stars.

Still laughing.

Possibly snort laughing.

Must go edit. My work will seem mundane after this!

Ruth Logan Herne said...

My entries would have "SNARK" written all over them.

And possibly need medication and coffee.

Jill Weatherholt said...

Tina, this was hilarious! I loved every word! The great thing about it, I knew you wrote it from the beginning. Thanks for the early morning laughs!

Annie Hemby said...

Love this post! Thanks for the laughs this morning! Laughs and coffee are always a good way to start the day.

P.S.: What fun giveaways :)

Tina Radcliffe said...

We're all in this together, Elaine. For better and for worse.

Tina Radcliffe said...

DIARY OF A WIMPY NOVELIST!!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Let's hold up our keyboards this morning, Cindy W and sing, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS... OF THE WORLD.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Hehehe, Ruthy, glad I could make the Kumbaya Queen smile.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Thanks, Jill. My MDBFF (Messy Desk BFF). And belated Happy Birthday! Our birthdays are exactly one week apart. And we both don't look a day over 24.

Tina Radcliffe said...

No coffee snorting, Annie Hemby!!! hehehe snort snort.

Wait, girls do not snort.

Cate Nolan said...

You said:

"My mother was right. (Shoot me now!) I should have been a teacher."


Really, one could do the same sort of diary entries of life as a teacher, starting with those ever hopeful, going to be the best year ever vibes in September and moving through the year to the drag-me-to-my room testing days, to the utter exhaustion as summer approaches. :)

And then I get to switch to this version for 2 months.

Ah, insanity thy name is woman.

Rhonda Starnes said...

Ditto what CATE said!! LOL!!

What a great way to start the day! Thanks for making me laugh, Tina!

Pam Hillman said...

Forget Jimmy Fallon's number... Just send me the shrinks!

Tracey Hagwood said...

Hey Tina, this was so so funny, just one of the reasons I love you and your writing so much! I've never written much of anything and yet in my mind I've gone through all the self-doubt steps, I'll leave the tough-stuff of writing to The Few, The Proud, The Brave, Booyah!

I'd love to be entered for a Seeker book, please throw my name in the drawing dish, thanks for all the smiles your giving out today :)

Rose said...

OMG! SO funny and TRUE!!!!

What a great way to start my day. And yes, I can relate to many (okay most...okay ALL) of the diary entries.

Thanks for brightening my day.

Tina Radcliffe said...

I thiught it was Insanity thy name is WRITER!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Happy to help your sanity, Rhonda.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Amen, Pammy!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Boo yah, back at you, Tracey!!! You are in!!!

Glynna Kaye said...

LOVE IT, TINA!! Thank you for starting my day off with a smile! :) What a great way to start off a 4 a.m. rise & shine!

Tina Radcliffe said...

My pleasure, Rose!!! Snort!!!!

Dana McNeely said...

Hilarious! A herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. LOL! Thanks for the 5 a.m. giggles with my coffee.

Janet Dean said...

Tina, I have snickered, laughed aloud and nodded as I traveled through your diary entries. Thanks for sharing!! LOL You are a humorist.

And an educator. Just ask Vince! LOL

Janet

J Baugh said...

I like that sign. :)

Tina Radcliffe said...

Dana, careful there. No choking. I can't the Heimlich virtually.

Tina Radcliffe said...

I have one in my office J Baugh!!!

Sally Shupe said...

What an awesome post. Wait. What do you mean girls don't snort? I am in so much trouble.
I love the diary. Kind of looks like what I go through when I think about writing. I have a title! What's the book about? I have a scene! What's the book about? Would anyone really want to read this? One day I hope to find out.
I was at church last night and the Pastor had something to say to me that God told him. When he was finished and the service was over, I looked at my friend and told her "not a word. Do not say a word." Then I snorted. Please keep me in your prayers. I have a feeling this roller coaster just went around the first hill. And you know what that means. First major mountain coming up! And I got a ticket to Carowinds for their Christian Music Day. I've never gone and can't wait. Maybe I'll put a scene like this in one of my books! Or I'll follow somebody around and make up stories lol.
With a post like this to start the day, it'll be an awesome day for everybody!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Morning , Glynna. Have a happy day!!!!!

Caryl Kane said...

Good Morning Tina! Thanks for the fun start to this Thursday morning. I love your perspective on life!

Please put my name in the dish for a Seekerville book.
psalm103and138 at gmail dot com

Cindy Regnier said...

Awesome post. Great day in Seekerville. Tina always makes me smile. Can I add one? "When life sucks just remember you haven't gotten to the good part yet."

Jeanne T said...

You made me laugh out loud, Tina. :) My son read over my shoulder and got a kick out of your post too. :) I don't diary about my writing, but I definitely journal when I'm struggling. Those are words between God and me though. ;)

I don't think I've been brave enough to have aspirations of a book-to-blockbuster movie contract, yet. :)

Thanks for starting my day off with grinS!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Thank you,Janet Dean, dear. Truth is always fun!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Dally!!!!! A fellow snorter!! Praying!

Tina Radcliffe said...

iPhone keeps changing Sally-to-Dally!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Caryl, you are in the dish! Oops, I mean your name.

Tina Radcliffe said...

You are so right, Cindy R!! I love your addition!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Jeanne!!hi to your son! Have a great day!!

Wilani Wahl said...

Tina, Loved, loved loved this! I can relate to some of the diary.

Have a wonderful day, everyone. I am off to my least favorite place--the dentist office. Alas, I broke a front tooth while brushing my teeth.

LeAnne Bristow said...

Best way to start my day. Ever. Coffee came up my nose and there's so much snorting around here I'm convinced a little piglet ( a cute one) is hiding under my bed somewhere. Also...is there a messy desk support group somewhere? I could be the President.
Thanks for getting my day started off so great!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Snorting is good for you. We don't need no stinkin' support group. We like being messy!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Have great day, Wilani. Ugh!! Dentists!!!

Janet Dean said...

A skewed view of the world helps, Tina. :-) Love the graphics!!!

Janet

Janet Dean said...

Walini, so sorry about that broken tooth! You may need to tame that toothbrush!

Janet

Melanie Dickerson said...

Oh. My. Gosh. TINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is literally the best thing ever!!! This should go viral. It is so funny because it's so TRUE!!!
Right now I am in this weird denial stage. I have to turn in an 85,000 word book by Nov. 1, which, in case you aren't staring at the calendar on a daily basis like I am, is 5 1/2 weeks away. Guess how many words I have written? 16,000. Yes, that is almost 70,000 words I have to write in 5 1/2 weeks.
I have never done that before. I'm not sure it's possible. For me, anyway.
I have been doing so many edits on other books that I have not had time to write. And now that I have time, I feel like a deer in headlights. Or maybe that cartoon character that's been hit in the head and is just sort of skipping through a field of wildflowers with a crazed smile on his face.
Pray for me.
I haven't started panicking yet. Normally I would have already been panicking. But I'm so giddily happy about the 3 books I have coming out in the next year that I haven't started freaking out about this deadline. Yet.
But you know, if Jesus comes back before Nov. 1, I would have panicked and freaked out for nothing.
That's my reasoning, and I'm sticking to it.

Candee Fick said...

Thanks so much for the honesty, laughs, and writing soundtrack suggestions this morning. SO glad I'm not the only crazy one, er, emotional-roller-coaster-riding wanna-be-famous-alone-in-my-writing-cave author who wonders if she can possibly come close to writing another good book. It's funny because it's true. Just hope the truth doesn't scare off other dreamers. :-)

Tina Radcliffe said...

Hahahaha!!!! Ohmygosh, Melly!!!!! I love it! My new strategy! Pray for the second coming! Why didn't I think of that??????

Myra Johnson said...

Okay, that was just crazy fun, Tina! Unfortunately, the sentiments expressed are all too close to real life!!!

I am waiting for Hallmark to call with a movie deal on One Imperfect Christmas. Reese Witherspoon will star, and I will get to sit next to her at the premiere.

Jeri Hoag said...

I loved it! Such a fun post and so true! Thanks for a early morning laugh. I love this website so much!

Melanie Dickerson said...

It works, Tina, but it kind of negates the excitement about your upcoming book releases. Still, it works. Sing with me! "My Jesus is coming soon . . ."

Sandra Leesmith said...

Oh TINA, I'm with the rest of the crowd and laughing so hard. Can't even drink my coffee. Now that's disastrous news for poor hubby. chuckle.

I so relate to all of these points. That's why this is so funny as I'm sure we all relate. Ahhhh the life of a writer. Booyah!

Thanks TEENSTER for making me laugh with such delight and joy.

Sandra Leesmith said...

MELISSA, Oh dear, I relate to your points also. Oh my. The life of a writer. Don't you just love it?


MELANIE, By November 1st? Really? Are you ready for that? I'll be jumping for joy when it happens but frankly a little nervous too.

VINCE you naughty boy!!!

Danielle Hull said...

Hilarious! Thank you!

Sally Shupe said...

TINA, the iPhone knows lol.

Sandy Smith said...

This was very funny, Tina. Thanks for the laugh. I think my diary would say "I can't do this." It is how I am feeling most days. Now must get back at trying to write. Please enter me in the drawing.

Tina Radcliffe said...

I want a Hallmark movie!!!!!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Glad I can keep you smiling Sandra and Sandy!!!!

Kav said...

Dear Diary,

Well, I have to strike another day off the calendar without goals met.

Not. My. Fault.

Really. I made the mistake of stopping by Seekerville before starting to work. Snort. Snort. Snort! I think I cracked a rib laughing so hard. So see -- reaching my goal for today is just not gonna happen.

Come to think of it, Seekerville is definitely the reason that I'm not hitting my goals often enough. Yeah. Those writers write too much. And then they publish what they write so readers need to read their work. I mean, you can't just not read a Seekerville book, right? Like, really, who des that? Not me! No sir. I'm a dedicated Seekerville groupie.

So you see -- once again -- Not. My. Fault. Really...maybe...okay, not necessarily...rats. Someone's gonna say it's my responsibility, aren't they?

Sigh.

Well, my ribs still hurt from laughing so hard. Just sayin'.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Hi candles! Just a little dark humor for a Thursday!! Writing ain't for wimps!!!

Meghan Carver said...

Terrific post, Tina! It's always good to be reminded that we're not alone in our neuroses...procrastination...self-doubt.... :-) You Seekers come up with the best prizes! If I don't win anything, I'm going to have to make a few suggestions to my family for Christmas.

Janet Dean said...

Melanie, I'm going to pray for you and I'll do the panicking, too. All you have to do is write. Not sure we'll change God's mind on when Jesus is coming again so you might want to figure how many words you have to write a day and get at it. :-)

Congrats on the three releases!

Janet

DebH said...

Bwwwahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahah - ha - ha - ha . . . *sniffle* Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Can relate too well. Too funny. Too true. I happen to really relate to the fleece prayer warrior. Love the accompanying picture.

Love your work Tina. I want a couple of your books on the Hallmark channel. Is that too much to ask???? Too bad we don't know someone independently Billionaire wealthy who could create a Seekerville channel to make all the Seeker books into "hallmark" movies. I'd so subscribe...

In the meantime, I'll content myself with requesting to have my name in the draw for Seekerville swag.

Journal entry for the day:

Have just discovered my neurosis is not abnormal. I have found my people. They get me. They scoot over and let me sit with them. Who knew?

Natalie Monk said...

My entry today is of the pre-published sort:

1. Too much great/fun/awesome stuff happened at ACFW conference, and now I've talked myself completely out of... out of...um, what's that thing where you communicate with verbal sounds in patterns put together to form sentences? Words. Yeah. Words. Research sign language.

2. Stop checking Gmail for Agent A's response to conference update, and get proposal ready to send to Agent B, who also recommended website changes. Research etiquette for "dating agents."

3. Share blog giveaways. Convince Facebook to cooperate.

4. Finish beta read for awesome-rad writer who speed-read my beta so I could have it ready before conference. She's incredible--can't let her down.

4. Plot next novel idea--it's gonna be so fun! Wait...how did my "real actual writing task" end up at the bottom? Grrr. #aintitalwaystheway

5. Note to self: go to Seekerville before doing anything above so I can say hey to fellow writer-kind and feel better about the writing life in general.

Fun post, Tina! :D Super cool with the music links, too!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Not your fault, Kav!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Ha, ha! Thanks, Meghan!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

A dedicated Seeker & Villager Hallmark Channel!!! Love it!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Nice list, Natalie. Good luck with Facebook & the agent!!

Julie Lessman said...

LOLWT!!! (LAUGHING OUT LOUD WITH TEARS)

OH. MY. GOSH!!! Did you nail it or what, Teenster!! Thanks for the laughter, and I thought I wrote slow, but writing "slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter" definitely tops my snail speed, so OOR RAH!!

About died reading this one: "Practice saying, "Do you want fries with that?" without sobbing" and definitely unable to do ...

One of my diary entries? "I just puked on my keyboard after reading Diana Gabaldon," an actual honest-to-God quote that took me months to get over ...

Hugs,
Julie

Julie Lessman said...

LOL, MELISSA ... you nailed it too!!

TINA SAID: "This is not 50 Shades. More like one shade. Unstable." LOL!!
"I thiught it was Insanity thy name is WRITER!!!"

PAM SAID: "Forget Jimmy Fallon's number... Just send me the shrinks!"

STOP IT!!! I'm sitting outside on a dock, and the ducks are wondering why I'm laughing and crying at the same time!!

SIGN ME, WAY TOO HAPPY IN OSAGE BEACH ...
Julie

Julie Lessman said...

MELANIE SAID: "I have to turn in an 85,000 word book by Nov. 1, which, in case you aren't staring at the calendar on a daily basis like I am, is 5 1/2 weeks away. Guess how many words I have written? 16,000. Yes, that is almost 70,000 words I have to write in 5 1/2 weeks. But you know, if Jesus comes back before Nov. 1, I would have panicked and freaked out for nothing.
That's my reasoning, and I'm sticking to it."

LOL, MEL ... I've hung on to the rapture hope several times before a deadline, but it didn't work, so I suggest you GET BUSY, GIRL!! Praying you get it done and SUPER CONGRATS on your upcoming 3 books -- you ROCK!!

Hugs,
Julie

Mikal said...

I laughed SO HARD. Because yes.

I'm not published (yet), but I stress, wish, hope, dream, pull hair out, and go gray early (seriously, I'm 100% gray under all this hair color!--thank goodness for a FAB hair stylist!). And I'm a college student. Add extra gray hair for that, will ya?

Cara Lynn James said...

Tina, LOL! Great post. I'm choosing the spanx over the diet. Who wouldn't?

Susan Anne Mason said...

Oh Lord Melanie! I am in the same boat and it seems like the UNIVERSE is conspiring against me! Every day I say today I am going to write, something happens!
TOday for example, I just get home from work, planning to spend the afternoon writing and I get a call from my mother (just spent two days with her for hernia surgery) and she has to go to the ER for a CT scan on the surgery site. Which means she expects me to go with her. Which means a minimum of 12-16 hours of waiting to see a doctor.
I literally almost sat down and cried.
I will pray for you if you'll pray for me!! I want to run away from home. Hubby is away on business, have to pick him up tomorrow from airport so no writing tomorrow. It has been like this constantly since August.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Sue :(

Tina Radcliffe said...

I'm so happy I've been promoted to a Duck Entertainer!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Mika!!! Welcome to Seekerville!! Hang with us. We are good at stress relief!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

I own Dix pair of Spanx, Cara!!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Six not Dix.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Praying for Susan and Nelanue and the apocolypse!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Melanie! Not Nelanue!!

Sally Shupe said...

Tina, I'm laughing at your iPhone. Dally. I may have to change my name.

Jamie Adams said...

That was so funny and too close to home. Right now I'm trying to make 25k not look so far away from 70k. It's almost a third of the way. That's no good, so I pull out my calculator and start figuring how many words left and how many words make at least ten pages for a chapter. How many chapters left... I'm on 8... I want 23. 15 more to go. I end up spending an hour of writing time punching in numbers to convince myself I'm almost there. I think I need chocolate.

Barbara Scott said...

I so needed the laugh this afternoon, Tina!! This is my semi-annual housecleaning day and I had just thrown in another load of laundry, scrubbed the toilet, and put on eyeliner so when my husband gets home he'll think I took a shower this morning. Who showers on a day you have to mop the floors and brush cobwebs out of the corners? Please throw my name into the kitty dish for some swag. :)

Donna said...

Absolutely hilarious!! Thank you for the belly laughs!

I need to get an iPhone to blame stuff on!

I would love to win one of these great prizes.

Heidi Robbins said...

This is hilarious. I wish I kept a diary, but I do write down all the crazy and funny things my kids say :)

Please enter me in the book drawing!

Tina Radcliffe said...

You are in Heidi!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Lolol, Dinna!! Oops! Donna!

Anna Weaver Hurtt said...

Ha! I'm so relieved that it's not just me. If I kept a writing diary, this would definitely be in it.

I'm currently working on edits for the R&R I got back from the LIS editors for my Blurb to Book manuscript, so I'm currently in the "I know what you want, but I'm not sure how to fix this thing" phase. LOL

Please drop my name in the giveaway hat. Thanks!

Sherida Stewart said...


Dear Tina,
Loved this post!
Warm regards,
A turtle in peanut butter

:D

Rachael Koppendrayer said...

Just what was needed to cheer up a dreary day! A touch of truth (trust me, it's also applicable to art on a deadline), a marvelously heavy dose of amusement, and a giveaway!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Exactly, Jamie. We do advanced trig trying to find a formula to make the words expand to THE END.

Try narrowing your margins. Neat trick.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Barbara, I wasn't actually sure how to respond to you. You clean your house one more time a year than me.

LOL.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Go Anna! You can do it. What's a few clumps of hair, right????

Tina Radcliffe said...

Rachael, we like to coat our truth in chocolate (preferably dark with sea salt) and humor!

Tina Radcliffe said...

I am turtling right next to you, Sherida!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Somehow I missed saying hi to Jeri Hoag today!! Hi Jeri!! Pull up a chair and we can sob together.

Jackie Smith said...

Always a great post from Tina......just like her books!!!!
Please put my name in the dish for a Seekerville book!
Happy Weekend to all...........

Debby Giusti said...

I've been laughing all day over this...laughing so hard that I forgot to leave a comment! :)

Tina Radcliffe said...

Awe, thanks, Jackie Smith.

Tina Radcliffe said...

I'll take that as a compliment, Debby dear.

Marianne Barkman said...

Hi Tina...loved your "diary", but then, you know I like to read whatever you write! I would love a Seekerville book. Thank you

Tanya Agler said...

Tina, I so needed a laugh today. Thank you. I'm still chuckling on the second reading.

Entry 1-Feed the kids pizza and create my GMC charts. Don't forget to back up the files.
Entry 2-Feed the kids cereal and write the first chapter. Don't forget to back up the files.
Entry 3-Feed the kids bread and finish the book. Don't forget to back up the files.
Entry 4-Take the kids to a restaurant with a play area, and edit the book. Don't forget to back up the files.
Entry 5-Thank husband for feeding our kids, and edit book again before sending out book for critiques, contests, and beta reads.

Not nearly as funny as yours, but I love today's post.

Have a great weekend.

Susan Anne Mason said...

Thank you for the prayers! Got out of the ER in a little over 7 hours, so not bad considering they had no room for everyone and we were little in a back hallway.
Her surgery site had a big pooling of blood and it should go away on its own! Thank the Lord. We were worried that she'd have to have more surgery!
Now for sleep, then work, then writing.
Sue

Tina Radcliffe said...

Glad to hear that, Susan!!! (BUT SEVEN HOURS OMG)

Tina Radcliffe said...

Tanya-remember that Pop Tarts is a food group.

Sarah Claucherty said...

Tina! This post was perfectly humorous after a LOOOONG day today, with a midnight deadline, no less.

My diary entries would sound a lot like yours and Melissa's...with some added academic stress tossed in for good measure. Last semester of college, and boy oh boy it can be brutally stressful!

Would love to be added to the drawings!!

Happy Friday, all! ;)

Valri said...

Great post! I'm a reader too but please enter me in the giveaway!

Sandy Kirby Quandt said...

Tina, thanks for the fun, yet not-too-far-from-the-truth post. Loved it!

May the K9 Spy (and KC Frantzen) said...

No. Words.
Surely there's an award with your name on it.
STELLAR!

Tina, I just adore you...

I'd share a post but can't find my work diary. It's under all this pile of research for May 4.

<3 the sign. <3 the mug.
<3 your musical choices...

It's going to be a good day...
Thank you! :)

Janet Ferguson said...

So cute, Tina!

Kelly Blackwell @ Heres My Take On It said...

Ahhh what a lovely way to spend my morning! Yesterday's chaotic morning and day kept me away, but I am so glad I had the chance to dive in this morning. Tina, you are a joy!

Connie Queen said...

Tina, I love this!

I'm not published yet, but I still feel this way just starting a new ms and trying to put it on paper.

Melanie Dickerson said...

Thanks for the prayers, Julie, Sandra, Janet, and Tina!
Sue, I will definitely say a prayer right now for you! For both of us! I feel for you. And I pray your mother is okay!!! I can relate to taking relatives to one doctor appointment after another. :P Did you take your computer with you?

Elizabeth Van Tassel said...

Just love this Tina. Thanks for making us smile! I love the joy that jumps off the pages at Seekerville!

Elizabeth Van Tassel said...

And I love the mug!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Thanks, Sarah and Valri.

Academic stress...oooh, nasty stuff.

Tina Radcliffe said...

:) Thanks, Sandy Kirby Quandt! Good to see you, btw.

Tina Radcliffe said...

May 4 is coming soon! woot!!!!!!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Connie Queen, love that hat!!!!

Tina Radcliffe said...

Awe, thanks, Kelly. I am definitely ...unusual.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Thank you, Janet Ferguson, buddy of mine.

Tina Radcliffe said...

What a nice thing to say, Elizabeth!!!!

Edwina said...

Tina,

This was so funny! I enjoy your sense of humor, My diary entries usually go something like this: "HELP, GOD, HELP"

Would love to win one of the current books!

Suzanne Baginskie said...

What a good reminder of the first five year diary my Mom gave me with a little gold key at age seven. I scribbled on those pages and wrote lots of stuff and my deepest secrets. I loved that I could lock it up and keep my two younger sisters out. It was my first venture into the writing world and like your post I drew funny pictures and kept my deepest thoughts to myself. I never missed a day. The key was on a chain around my neck. Thanks for exposing your scribbles and extra ordinary creativeness. I really enjoyed this blog, Tina.

Suzanne Baginskie said...

Have a good weekend too. I hope to meet you in person one day at RWA.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Hey, Edwina you are in and thanks for the kind words. Yeah, there is a a lot of help in my diaries as well.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Suzanne, I'll be in San Diego!!!

Suzanne Baginskie said...

I hope to be in the Orlando RWA conference in 2017. Not sure about San Diego, I work the election polls and next year is a Big One.

Missy Tippens said...

Oh my gosh, how did I miss getting by here on Thursday??????!!!!

Tina, or anonymous author, I should say, this was HILARIOUS!!!

And (whispering here), slightly familiar.

:)