Thursday, January 28, 2016

Surviving Rejection with a Little Help from SARAH

With guest blogger, Amanda Cabot

Rejection. As much as we’d like to deny it, rejection is a part of most writers’ lives. Rejection can come from agents, from editors, from reviewers and even from potential readers. A booksigning where customers walk by, possibly chat with us but don’t buy a book is a form of rejection, isn’t it? While there are many forms of rejection, they all have one thing in common: they hurt. There’s no way to sugarcoat it. Having someone say our story, which is, after all, a part of us, isn’t ready for publication or – in the case of bad reviews – should never have been published is painful.

So, how do we cope with it? Besides eating a pound of chocolate, that is. That’s where SARAH comes in. Who’s SARAH, or more precisely, what is SARAH? You’re probably familiar with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s On Death and Dying, the book that first introduced the idea of the five stages of grieving. Further research indicated that it’s not only people who are facing either their own mortality or that of a loved one who experience the five stages. Any traumatic experience can trigger them. I would argue that being rejected is traumatic because it’s the death of a dream.

If we want to survive rejection, it’s important to understand the stages, then identify coping devices that will help us through each stage. Let’s begin.

Understanding Those Oh, So Critical Stages
We’re all writers, so I’m sure you realized that the fact that I capitalized SARAH means it’s an acronym. It is indeed. The five stages of dealing with rejection are:

·         Shock
·         Anger
·         Resistance
·         Acceptance
·         Hope

No matter how often we remind ourselves that rejection is a fact of life, we’re never truly prepared for it. That’s why we find ourselves in Shock. The important thing to remember about Shock is that a person who’s experiencing it may exhibit unpredictable and irrational behavior. This is probably the most dangerous stage since we’re not in full control of ourselves.

Next comes Anger. It’s only normal to be angry. How could that agent/ editor/ reviewer – you fill in the blanks – say something like that? Don’t they know that my story is the most beautiful piece of prose in the English language?

Eventually, Anger fades and is replaced by Resistance. Some refer to this stage as Denial. In it, our energy is still diverted, because even though we don’t want to think about it, the rejection is hanging over us, sapping our creativity.

Acceptance is the first positive stage. In it we admit that yes, we were rejected, but the world didn’t end.

And then comes Hope. This is where we tell ourselves it will be different the next time. The next editor will love this manuscript. And if that doesn’t happen, there’s always another story. At this point, the pain has faded and we’re ready to resume our normal lives.

Things You May Not Know About SARAH
There are two important things to know about the five stages of SARAH. First, the speed with which people progress through them varies. Some will race through the first three quickly, spending little time in Acceptance as they make their way to Hope. Others will remain mired in one of the early stages and never reach Hope.

The second thing to know is that progress isn’t necessarily linear. Although you may have reached Resistance or one of the later stages, it’s possible that a new event will trigger backsliding and you find yourself back a stage or two. Don’t let this upset you. It happens. The key is to know how to cope with each stage so that you’ll be able to reach Hope.

Coping Techniques
So, let’s talk about coping techniques. As I said before, chocolate is always helpful, but it has some downsides, including weight gain, so I advise using it in moderation. There are, however, other things you can do during each stage.

Fortunately, Shock does not normally last too long. The key here is to stay away from your computer and your phone. The last thing you need is to send the agent or editor a nasty note when you’re in shock. Remember that irrational behavior is a hallmark of this stage. Be careful. Be very careful.

When you reach Anger, primal scream therapy and journaling are excellent tools. Call a friend and vent. You might even want to write a letter to the person who rejected you, explaining how totally misguided and incorrect the rejection was. As soon as you’ve written the letter, delete it, burn it or shred it. Under no circumstances should you send it to the rejecter. That’s career suicide.

I’m a firm believer in exercise. A brisk walk, even house cleaning (shudder!) releases endorphins, those wonderful feel-good substances. That’s why exercise is an excellent way to deal with Resistance. So, too, is reading. Escape into a book by one of your favorite authors. You can always claim you’re doing research, but the truth is, you’re helping yourself get through Resistance.

Do you keep a file of positive affirmations? You should. Whether it’s a favorable review of a published story, your critique partner’s praise or simply a compliment someone paid you, you should store it somewhere easily accessible. Reading those affirmations while you’re in Acceptance will help you on the path to Hope. So too will what I call “a trip to the post office.”

Even before you send the manuscript out the first time, you should have a backup plan just in case your submission is met with rejection. That backup plan is a prioritized list of other agents or editors who might be interested in that particular manuscript. As soon as you’ve passed through Shock, send the manuscript to the next person on the list. (I know I’m dating myself, but when I started writing, that involved a trip to the post office. Now a submission is usually as simple as email.) Getting the manuscript out to another agent or editor is the second most important step you can take to reach Hope.

So, what’s the most important step? Always be working on your next project. (Did the bold italics tell you I think this is critical? It is!) If you’re in the middle of your next project, your attention is focused on it rather than the manuscript that was rejected. That doesn’t stop rejection from hurting, but it does mitigate the pain and shorten the time to reach Hope.

The bottom line of all this is simple. If you let rejection by others defeat you, you’re admitting that they’re right. They aren’t. Don’t ever, ever, ever stop believing in yourself. You are unique. You see the world differently from everyone else. You have a story to tell. You are a writer! 

Hi, Everyone! Audra here. Doesn't Amanda make an awesome cheerleader? I know she's talked me out of the hole a time or two. What better way to celebrate her great pep talk than with a couple of giveways! Leave a comment and mention whether you'd like to win one of two ecopies of On Lone Star Trail.


A woman without a future. A man running from the past.
One enchanting place where broken dreams are mended.

If there’s one thing Gillian Hodge never wants to see again, it’s a man on a motorcycle. Her last encounter with one left her right hand crushed, ending her promising career as a concert pianist. Unsure about the next phase in her life, she heads to Rainbow’s End Resort for some R&R when a sudden thunderstorm causes a motorcycle to crash right in front of her.

When TJ Benjamin’s wife died, he lost more than his best friend; he lost his faith. He has spent the past year wandering the country on his motorcycle, trying not to think about the future. When he finds himself stranded with a busted bike and a reluctant rescuer, he has to wonder about God’s sense of humor.

As these broken people collide, they find that a bright future is still ahead—it just might not be the one they imagined for themselves.


Amanda Cabot is the bestselling author of more than thirty novels including the Texas Dreams trilogy, the Westward Winds series, the Texas Crossroad trilogy and Christmas Roses. A former director of Information Technology, she has written everything from technical books and articles for IT professionals to mysteries for teenagers and romances for all ages.  Amanda is delighted to now be a full-time writer of Christian romances, living happily ever after with her husband in Wyoming. 



Marianne Barkman said...

Love the cheerleading...and the giveaway doesn't hurt either. A good book always works for me! Amanda's books are great. Thanks, Audra!

Trixi said...

Rejection hurts,reader or writer, I think everyone wants to be liked! It's human nature :-) I think it'd be especially hard as a writer to have your work rejected. You put your heart & soul into a story :-) Amanda you are a wonderful cheerleader & your coping skills are spot on! Thanks for sharing.

I'd love to have an ecopy of "On Lone Star Trail", thanks for the chance!

Mary Preston said...

I'm not a writer, but rejection can come in many forms.

Count me in for a copy of "On Lone Star Trail" thank you.

Tina Radcliffe said...

Welcome back to Seekerville, Amanda. And this is indeed the same process of grief for rejection.

I use the 24 hour rule. (Eat chocolate and whine for 24 hours) Followed by the Big Girl Panty rule. :) To each his own. LOL.

Ruth Logan Herne said...

Amanda, welcome back!

This is a great summation. I love that you bolded and emphasized having another project going. To me, that's clutch. If I'm immersed in work, it's a whole lot easier to shrug off the ongoing rejections (which happen on both sides of the watery divide, on Unpubbed Island and here on the mainland), no matter what form they take.

We Seekers established the 24 hour rule before most of us were published, and it's been a catalyst in two crucial ways:

1. We can vent, whine, explain, and air our hurt feelings off the grid.

2. We have the accountability of being part of a group and these gals are great at reminding each other to pull the big girl panties up and move on.

Wallowing is for water buffalo.

I think that's what helps the community here, too. We know there are no easy roads, no lucky wins, and the struggle becomes an "It Takes a Village" mentality.

Thank you for these tips!

I brought coffee and tea!!!!!

Mary Jane Hathaway said...

Oh, this is great!

I love your advice about writing a letter. I do that all the time. I open a file, rant in it, and delete. Somehow just getting the words out keeps me from doing or saying anything in real life. It's as if the page is listening. :)

Mary Jane Hathaway said...

Ruthy, your 24 hour rule reminds me of something I saw on facebook last week. Maybe you heard about Scholastic pulling a children's book about George Washington's cook, who was a slave. The criticism was that the book made slaves look "too happy".

Many of my facebook friends are part of the children's book community and I'm friends with the editor of that book, and the illustrator (who are both black).

What I saw last week was a lot of "thank you, everyone, for the kind words but I'm not going to comment for a few days". Another friend even skipped his weekly blog, not in protest, but because he needed an extra week to make sure he didn't post a off-the-cuff rant.

They all knew what a small industry publishing is and when they did speak (and they all did, by the end of the week), it was very well thought out and clear. Such great examples!

Bettie said...

I really appreciate your insight and helpful coping strategies. They are great ways to deal with writing and life in general. The 24 hours rule sounds good too!
Please put my name in the hat for your book. sounds like your characters will need some of your coping tactics.

DebH said...

Keep working on the next manuscript.

my big take-away. that and the fact that there is always: HOPE

thanks for the reminder and the sage advice to just step away from the computer/phone/communication device after initial disappointment. i think society as a whole suffers from not stepping away nowadays.

I love the blurb for your book. Please count me in on the draw for it.

btw, laughing over Ruthy's comments. I was thinking of her and the 24 rule and big girl pants as I read through this post. "wallowing is for water buffalo" indeed!

Tina Radcliffe said...

WELL!!! I woke up wondering. So I checked.

I have kept a spreadsheet of contests and submissions since 1995. 452 submissions and drumroll please...

348 rejections.

Which makes only 104 acceptances.

And I am still here to talk about it.

Jill Weatherholt said...

Welcome, Amanda! These are all helpful strategies. I've always written as a way to relieve stress and for the joy it provides, so rejections don't bother me much. If they like it, great, if not, I'll still keep writing. I'd love to be entered into the drawing.

kaybee said...

Good morning Amanda, and good tips. I started keeping an affirmation file a couple of years ago, and it is my lifeline. I also keep a file of my contest wins, finals and semi-finals. When one is unpublished, we need something concrete to hold on to. I was rejected earlier this month from a "cold" submission to an agent who had said in a writing magazine that she was looking for authors. I had to rear back and remind myself that it WAS a cold submission and my odds were not good to begin with. The paradox is that that often hurts more than when an editor or agent asks for a partial or even a full, reads it and then gently rejects me. I think that's because when they go to the trouble of reading it, I really do believe that it "doesn't meet their needs at this time." And they also give suggestions. When it goes that far the editor or agent is usually willing to help, if only by giving a little bit of advice. I also love "This isn't right for us but keep writing" and "I'm open to seeing your other work."
Amanda, I also remember the Post Office, weighing the manuscript and putting stamps on the SASE.
Kathy Bailey
Nostalgic in New Hampshire

bonton said...

Wonderful, encouraging post with helpful tips for readers and authors alike. Thank you, Amanda!!

At times, one is tempted to wallow too long in the pain of rejection, which delays the process of positive, productive, living and reaching out to others. It helps me to get past rejection by turning it over to God and remembering the rejection is (usually) the opinion of only one person/company, and humans err. Although everyone is afforded the luxury of opinions, right or wrong - His is the one that truly matters!!

Please drop my name in the drawing for a copy of "On Lone Star Trail" - sounds like a beautiful story of romance and forgiveness!!

kaybee said...

Tina, thank you for your tally of rejections and acceptances. Wow. You ARE still here, which gives us hope.

kaybee said...

AND I agree with Amanda and RUTHY that we need to have more than one project going. I have two series, the Oregon Trail/Oregon Settlement one and one taking place in New York's Hell's Kitchen after the first world war. Two different settings, two different heroes/heroines, and a bunch of different issues to contend with. Switching off helps me to come back to the other series with fresh eyes, and mitigates the sting of rejection.

kaybee said...

The last thing to remember is, It's.Not.You. Even though the work is your "baby," and should be.

bonton said...

You go, Tina!! I'm encouraged by your resilience and optimism - those rejections had to have been painful, however, I'm glad there were 104 reasons to rejoice!!

Caryl Kane said...

AMANDA, thank you for sharing SARAH! Rejection can also be seen as a form of PROTECTION.

Please put me in for the drawing.

Audra Harders said...

Ha, Tina! If I ate chocolate for 24 hours, I'd NEED those big girl panties : )

Good morning, Seekerville! Amanda brings up so many great points on surviving rejection. Rejection=Grief. SARAH keeps it all in perspective.

You can't live without Hope, right??

Ruth Logan Herne said...

Mary Jane, that is such good advice.

That time buffer can be the only thing keeping us from imploding a career. (says one who speaks too freely in open-air venues.)

I can usually step back and see both sides of things. Your example clearly has two definitive sides. The big kerfluffle over Kate Breslin's book clearly had two sides.

But social media has made it way too easy for people to go on the instant offense or defense because it's there and so is the keyboard.

I'm trying to adopt the Sixth Sense mentality now. When the little boy who used to paint ghastly pictures of dead people holds up an innocent rendering of a rainbow... because no one holds a meeting about a kid who paints rainbows.

Lesson learned.

Ruthy, rainbow painter!!!!

Vince said...

Hi Amanda:

As a philosopher, I tend to prefer just one stage. I call it the "Que Sera, Sera" stage.

Of course, there is a lot to be said for 'denial' which I consider wishful thinking.

"They sent the wrong letter to me."

I like the acronym SARAH because it reminds me of the Bible story about Sarah the wife of Abraham and the mother of Isaac and ancestress of Iseral. Her name was originally Sarai, meaning 'quarrelsome' but God commanded that it be changed to Sarah -- meaning princess or popular person. (This might be the first case of rebranding on record.)

BTW: I really admire your portrait. The lighting and shadows are perfect. How many lights did the photographer use? I spent a few years as a studio photographer and I would be very proud of having taken your portrait.

I also love the cover of "On Lone Star Trail". There is something very inviting about a cover that makes you want to join the scene. The scene also brings back fond memories and offers the reader a vicarious opportunity to live those good times again. I sure hope that scene is really in the book. I was once in a campfire scene like that once in which the Park Ranger set up a telescope and was helping campers see the planets. It was a very pleasant surprise.

Please put me in the drawing for "On Lone Star Trail".


Glynna Kaye said...

Welcome, Amanda! I think this is a post that EVERYONE can relate to in some way, shape or form! And the Seekerville 24-hour rule really helps--you need time to grieve, but things can look SO much better the next day when you've had time to recover (at least somewhat) from the initial shock of a rejection.

I kept a contest feedback "Good Things" binder for years when I was entering unpubbed contests. Sometimes when you get feedback from a judge, all you see are the negatives. But I'd pull out whatever positives I could glean and added them to my Word doc--then when getting slammed in the future, I could pull out the binder and read the GOOD things that judges said about my writing. While negative comments hurt (and still do), review of that binder really helped me work through the phases of rejection grief. A trusty list of Bible verses that speak to your heart at times like that are also immensely helpful

Barbara Fox said...

Rejection is part of life that is going to be around until we go to our other home. It can be crippling for many and others keep it from beating them. We can all benefit from cheerleading, encouragement and pointers on how to win. Seekers have a gift for helping each other pull up by the bootstraps (or big girl panties).I love your post, Amanda and would love to read your book.
I had to laugh because I was trying to figure out what Sarah's last name was until I focussed and payed attention! And hey – I don't need rejection to make me head to the chocolate pile. I'm always willing. :-)

Wilani Wahl said...

I love your post. We all need the grieving part and then the moving on to Hope and not giving up. So far all I have had is rejections, but they have driven me to develop my writing striving to get it where it should be. Knowing that the great authors like our Seekers have all received many rejections has helped me to know I am not alone in this journey.

Ruth Logan Herne said...

Tina, that's amazing. And I think it's pretty normal.

I've never kept track, but I'm sure your percentages are right in line with mine.

So here's a great take on that: We can leave the wallowing to the buffalo...

But we need to develop the hide of a buffalo to succeed, and maybe even to just survive in this biz.

Whaddya think?

Ruth Logan Herne said...

Barbara Fox, I'm with you! Chocolate is even better when we're happy!!!!

Although I'm being good for the month of January, up until Superbowl Sunday when I will surround myself with some of the riotously best, but worst-for-you foods in the world!

Nine more days.... and then we have our annual Daycare Half-a-Superbowl Party so all of our young friends can brag that they went to a big Superbowl party... WITH PUNCH!!!! :)

Sharee Stover said...

Amanda, thanks for the cheerleading and pep talk. I sooo appreciate all that you said. Rejection stinks!!

I loved what you said about "always be working on your next project" because it's too easy to throw up my hands and surrender to defeat. My favorite line to my children is "Even Jesus doesn't come to pity parties" and some days I have to say it to myself. :)

I do keep a KUDOS file and you're so right. It helps to read some of the good stuff after a smack down. :)

I'd love to be thrown into the drawing as I enjoy your books very much. With Autumn's Return was fabulous!

Sharee Stover said...

Vince, I loved your line "They sent the wrong letter to me" ... that gave me a good giggle this morning :)

Myra Johnson said...

Welcome, Amanda! Thanks for these words of wisdom on surviving rejection! I hate to think how many times I've had to work through those five stages. And there were a couple of occasions when I really, really had to be careful during the Shock and Anger steps!

Laura Conner Kestner said...

Thank you, AMANDA! Great post. Hanging on to the "H" in SARAH as I begin this journey, but I know I will have to live through the other letters first.

LOL, AUDRA, on the chocolate and big girl panties comment.

TINA - Thank you for sharing your submission and rejection history, that is so inspirational and encouraging!

RUTHY - The Half-a-Superbowl Party for your young friends sounds so sweet!

Myra Johnson said...

I'm with BARBARA FOX. Chocolate anytime! In fact, I'm proactive. One square of Trader Joe's Pound Plus Dark Chocolate after lunch, and another after supper. For health reasons, naturally.

And then there's the stash of dark chocolate peanut M&M's I keep hidden in my office! :-D

Janet Dean said...

Amanda, welcome back! Thanks for the excellent post on coping with rejection. Writers should expect it. And frankly, I'm glad I was rejected when my manuscripts weren't ready for publication, though I thought they were. So I studied craft, entered contests and soaked up judges' comments and rewrote. My writing got better. Your advice to always be working on your next project is excellent. I should've written new instead of reworking old books, but alas, hindsight is 20-20.

I tend to question myself when I come across a less than stellar review, instead of focusing on the excellent reviews and trusting myself. Any advice?


Amanda Cabot said...

Sorry to be so late joining the party, but I've been dealing with a very different form of rejection today. My BIL is in London (England, that is) visiting his brand new grandson, and his body is rejecting his newly implanted pacemaker, so my time has been spent in prayer.

Now, on to SARAH. Thank you all for reading the post and for your comments. I'm going to try to respond to each of them, but if I miss someone, please understand that I'm a bit distracted today.

Amanda Cabot said...

Marianne -- I'm so glad you've enjoyed my books and hope you'll like this one, too.

And, of course you're right, Trixi. Rejection hurts. Admittedly, coping techniques make it easier, but there's still that initial shock and pain.

Mary, do you think some of these techniques would help with other forms of rejection?

Tina -- I love the fact that your 24-hour rule includes chocolate. What would we do without it?

Ruth -- Your water buffalo comment made me laugh. Thank you!! I needed that.

Barbara Scott said...

Amanda, thanks for the pep talk! I needed it. I've finally just arrived at the Hope stage again after a good friend read and edited a first chapter rewrite. Whew! It feels good to look forward. I'd love a copy of ON LONE STAR TRAIL!

Ruthy, you always give me a giggle, but I love the sage advice you sprinkle among the chuckles.

Tina, you are one organized and brave woman to have kept a record of all your rejections and acceptances. Wow! I'm so impressed. You and the rest of the Seekerville authors give me hope. Thanks to you all!

I've brought pumpkin scones for everyone. Now if I just had a recipe for chocolate scones.

Barbara Fox said...

Amanda I don't know what BIL stands for but I'm with you in prayer. Remember God is with him in London and He remains in control always.

Myra and Ruthy- you are paragons of self control! I started the New Year well but my daughter gave us an all out at the Cheesecake Factory as a gift and I still haven't regained control. But I will not be defeated. I'm going to be back under control by Super Bowl (some of us fall hard when we crash) and I'll visit Trader Joe's for chocolate. See what excellent examples and standard setters Seekers are?

Amanda Cabot said...

Mary Jane -- There's something very therapeutic about the ranting letter, isn't there? I hadn't heard the Scholastic story, but taking time to put everything in perspective makes so much sense.

Bettie -- I'm afraid TJ and Gillian don't cope as well as they should have, at least initially, but if they did, there wouldn't be a story.

Deb -- Ah, hope. What would we do without it?

Tina -- I don't keep count, but I know that I could paper a room with the rejections I received, particularly in the early stages of my career. Now they come electronically, so they don't fill up file drawers, but they certainly did in the beginning.

Amanda Cabot said...

Jill -- How interesting that writing relieves stress for you. I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're right -- when I'm in the midst of a scene and it's going well, I get those same endorphins that exercise provides.

Kathy -- I'm so glad you're getting such positive rejections. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but it isn't.

Bonton -- You're absolutely right! Thanks for reminding us all of what is truly important.

Caryl -- I had never thought of rejection as a form of protection. Tell me more ...

Amanda Cabot said...

Audra -- Thanks again for inviting me to be part of Seekerville. It's always so much fun to read all the comments, but even I -- a self-confessed chocoholic -- couldn't eat chocolate for 24 hours.

Vince -- I love your "wrong letter" story. If only that were the case! Thanks, too, for the compliments on my portrait. I can't remember how many lights were involved, but this is the third photo this particular photographer has taken of me, and I've been pleased with all of them. Lastly, the campfire does play a role in the story, as do the marshmallows.

Glynna -- Isn't it interesting how our first reaction is to focus on the negative comments from a judge, agent or editor, but if we wait a while -- sometimes even less than 24 hours -- we can see the positive parts?

Amanda Cabot said...

Barbara -- Seekerville is awesome in the way it encourages not just its founding members but everyone who reads the blog. We can never have too many cheerleaders.

Wilani -- You are definitely not alone.

Sharee -- The next project and the hope it inspires are what kept me going many, many times.

Myra -- Shock and anger are dangerous stages, aren't they? That's the time to stay away from the "send" button and the phone.

Janet -- Bad reviews are tough, aren't they? I cringe every time I receive one, but then I remind myself that it's only one person's opinion and that, like that particular reviewer, I don't love every book I read.

Amanda Cabot said...

Barbara Scott -- What about chocolate chip scones? I think I have the recipe somewhere. I'll have to get to work and bake a batch.

And, Barbara Fox, BIL stands for brother-in-law. Thank you for your prayers. We all know how powerful they are.

Keli Gwyn said...

Thanks for the great post, Amanda. You've given us such a helpful tool for dealing with the pain of a pass. I'm so sorry your BIL is dealing with possible pacemaker rejection. I lifted him in prayer.

Glynna, like you, I keep a file full of encouraging notes and uplifting reminders that I'm not the hack I believe myself to be at those times when the Doubt Dragon is on the attack. Reading them reminds me that others believe in me and that I do have what it takes, even though I might not feel that way at the time.

The most important thing I do when dealing with rejection, doubts, discouragement, etc. is to remind myself that feelings pass. I won't be wallowing in the pit forever. A good night's sleep (or two or three or more) and the passage of time are my best allies when I'm down in the dumps. And now I have SARAH, too. =)

Just Commonly said...

Rejection does hurt, and that goes for any project. Human nature is to seek approval. I love the process you've posted, and to have hope and still work on another project. For me, I need a good book or The GOOD Book, a relaxing atmosphere and chocolate to pass through rejection. Sometimes a good cry will do it too. Rejection is inevitable in life, but positive feedback in addition to the rejection does wonders. I try to remember that if for some reason, I'm the one giving the rejection. And if I'm on the receiving end, I'll try to think of the positives.

Amanda, thanks for dropping in on Seekerville. Love your stories. Please enter me in the giveaway for your book. Thank you.

Debby Giusti said...

Amanda, great post. Thanks for bringing Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' lessons on dying into the rejection arena. They apply so well. Hopefully, most folks can work through their anger and end up moving forward...although some do despair after multiple rejections and give up writing completely, which is always so sad.

Sandy Smith said...

Thanks for the encouragement Amanda. I will remember SARAH. I will also pray for your brother-in-law.

Please enter me in the drawing.

Sarah Claucherty said...

AMANDA - Oh, I hope you get good news about your BIL soon today! There's the H in SARAH coming into play in another kind of rejection, I suppose. I'll keep him in my prayers today.

-Sarah (not the acronym)

Barbara Scott said...

Chocolate chip scones sound yummy, Amanda! I wonder if I added a little cocoa to a recipe and then mixed the batter with chocolate chunks if that would work. I'm all about experimenting if I have a recipe to play around with.

And yes, we can never have too many cheerleaders. Seekerville is the best!

Janet Dean said...

Amanda, I've heard strong reactions pro and con are far better than indifference. Negative reviews of some excellent inspirational authors come from readers who are upset by the stories' faith elements. So be it.

Praying for your bil.


Sarah Claucherty said...

BARBARA - Chocolate chip scones are my favorite; I highly recommend experimenting with recipes for them!

Jan Drexler said...

Hi Amanda!

I like your suggestion to keep a file of positive affirmations. I keep mine on my computer's desk top (always available!). The title of the document is "Things to Read When the Going Gets Tough."

Anytime someone says something good about my writing, I copy and paste it onto that document, along with the name of the person and the date.

Sometimes I just need a reminder of why I do what I do. :)

Leslie Ann aka LA said...

What an awesome post. I never thought about rejection is these terms, as well as what it can "be". Signings are usually positive for me, but this last one wasn't and I was surprised by my reaction. You nailed. Luckily I was heading off on a vacation the next day, but later in the month, I did feel many of SARAH's points.

Oh, and Amanda, I was planning on attending your workshop in Cheyenne this weekend, but apparently a cold caught me at the ABQ airport. You do not want me there :)

Yes, AUDRA, Amanda rocks as a cheerleader.

Now off to read the comments.

Hugs to all
Leslie Ann aka L.A. Sartor

Vince said...

SARAH on Steroids

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Tom Edison on trying to find a filament that would last in a light bulb.

"I have not failed. I've just discovered one more approach that editors won't accept."

Time to eat chocolate and shuffle off to Buffalo. Right?

DebH said...

So... was doing some Math (so NOT my strong point) and figured Tina's averaged 22.5 submissions per year of writing with 5.2 accepts per year. Somewhere around a twenty-five percent success rate (give or take a percentage or two... told ya math and me aren't best buds).

Of course my first thought is: Holy Smokes!!! Twenty-two submissions per year?? I am sooooooooo behind on this subbing thing. I have a long way to go, but forewarned is forearmed. I think Seekervile keeps my creative muse grounded in a bit of reality. It shortens the space between shock and hope greatly.

Seekervile rocks.

DebH said...

That's Seekerville... NOT seekervile. Gah! Blasted auto correct...

Dena Netherton said...

Awesome post. Sometimes I find myself jumping from one grief stage to another and back in just a few minutes or hours. The important take-away for me: get working on the next project! Thanks, Amanda.

marilyn leach said...

Amanda, I much I appreciate your post today. Just this week I got some news from my publisher that was just upsetting enough to send me into a spin
. SARAH is my new friend. Thanks for your uplifting words. And thanks, Audra, for being a part. Cheers

Ruth Logan Herne said...

Marilyn Leach, those spins can become our new BFF's because they build us...

They make me just mad enough that I become crazy determined to be successful as a wondrous form of showing them, LOL!

Trixi said...

Amanda,any word on your BIL? I've lifted prayers for him that the Lord would heal whatever is going on with the pacemaker. I'm sure it's hard being far from him. I also pray peace for your heart :-)

Aren't you glad that God never rejects us and we can always go to Him when we're hurting? Amazing Father He is :-)

LoisAnn Armstrong said...

Hi, Amanda. Thank you for the helpful information for a new author.
I'm not sure what's in the future, but I know God holds it.
Please enter me for a copy of your book. Thank you for all
your encouragement.

Leslie Ann aka LA said...

I forgot to add to please add me to the drawing for Amanda's book.

Hugs again,

Audra Harders said...

Hi Amanda,
So sorry to hear about your BIL! Praying blessings on him and doctors in London to be able to get the issues under control.

I'm so sorry to miss this great discussion. I'm waving to all my friends in Seekerville as I sneak a quick break on my computer. Amanda is awesome, isn't she? SARAH is printed off and waiting to be pinned on my home office wall.

I'll try and stop in later.

Audra Harders said...

Oops, I mean my computer at the day job. BTW, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around writing two consecutive projects...I do believe that would blow a gasket in my ol' ADD brain.

Amanda Cabot said...

Thank you all for your prayers. Surgery is over; the pacemaker is out; now they're dealing with the infection. It sounds as if they'll remain in London for the foreseeable future. Fortunately, the cardiologist there specializes in pacemakers. That feels like God's hand at work, doesn't it?

I'm glad you're all finding SARAH helpful. For me, knowing about the various stages and what to expect made a huge difference in dealing not just with rejection but with other traumatic life events.

Barbara Scott said...

Love your attitude, Vince! Reminds me of Thomas Edison.

Barbara Scott said...

Sarah, I so am going to make chocolate chip scones now! :)

Mary Jane Hathaway said...

Tina, I'd have to check but I'm pretty sure your acceptance rate is WAY higher than mine for contests and such! I've had hundreds of rejections and that was only from 2011 on. LOL. Maybe I'm just better finding people who don't like my work. It's my superpower!

Mary Jane Hathaway said...

Audra, I'm always in awe of people like Ruthy who juggle projects. I did that in 2014 and almost lost my mind. Now I'm a one-project at a time gal. Or I build in a week to switch. Sad, but true.

And now I want scones.

Audra Harders said...

So happy to hear the surgery went well, Amanda. Once they deal with the infection, will they try a different pacemaker manufacturer? I have a friend whose body rejected a knee replacement due to the elements in the metal parts. She had to find a different surgeon to do the next knee replacement because they tend to specialize their practices around individual manufacturer's products. Talk about a slim market!

I'm reading my way through comments. What a day!

Julie Lessman said...

TINA, really??? 348 rejections??? WOW, and I thought 46 on APMP was bad. But then acceptance on 104 projects is a heck of a return on your investment, my friend -- WOW!!

LOL, RUTHY, "wallowing is for water buffalo" -- LOVE IT!!

AUDRA SAID: "Ha, Tina! If I ate chocolate for 24 hours, I'd NEED those big girl panties : )"

LOL ... sooooo true, my friend!! ;)


Julie Lessman said...

AMANDA!! I'm sooooo sorry I'm coming by late, especially when I saw your post was on rejection, a favorite subject of mine and one I plan to write a Seeker blog on this summer, so EXCELLENT advice, my friend!!

I had never thought of SARAH applying to rejections, but it SO fits!!


Julie Lessman said...

AMANDA, so very sorry about your BIL -- saying a prayer for him right now, hoping things have turned around for the better for him.

Did somebody say "chocolate chip scones"??? YUM ... count me in!!

VINCE QUOTED THOMAS EDISON ON THE LIGHT BULB: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

GREAT QUOTE, my friend!


Missy Tippens said...

Amanda, welcome! I'm sorry to arrive so late. What an interesting post! I never would have thought about rejection being like the death of a dream. But you're so right. I can see how these stages would work. I've experienced them!

Missy Tippens said...

Julie, I love that quote too!

Beth Schwarzlose said...

Encouragement and chocolate are excellent medicine to treat any disappointment :D
Please put me in the hat for Amanda's book. Thank you for sharing, Amanda!

ohiohomeschool said...

Thank you.
"If you let rejection by others defeat you, you’re admitting that they’re right"
Oh so true. Thanks for the reminder. Great post.
Please put me in for a copy Ms. Cabot's book.
Thank you
Becky B.