by Debby Giusti
Raise your hand if you’re a Southerner, eat grits or like Jeff Foxworthy. The rest of you don’t know what you’re missing.
Foxworthy made his name by poking fun at Rednecks. Some of my favorite lines in his routine include:
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF...
You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, 'Bout What?'
You think Possum is "The Other White Meat."
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
Want more? Check out Jeff Foxworthy Jokes. But read my blog first. The initial installment appeared in July 2010. It's back by popular demand...and a nudge from Tina! We’ve been hard at work this month and have 15 more days of Speedbo, so it's time to take a break and relax with a bit of light humor.
A tube of crickets you received as a wedding gift.
(Crickets come in tubes? Who knew?)
A $15 Starbucks’ gift card, plus a copy of one of my books—winner’s choice.
Post your own original “You know you’re a writer if…” one-liner to be included in the drawing.
|Spring in Georgia!|
HERE WE GO!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A WRITER IF...
Your list of New Year’s Resolutions not only includes your goals but also your motivation and conflict.
You edit your personal incoming mail for typos and grammatical errors.
You’ve never read a dictionary you didn’t like.
You dream about your WIP and wake to write down a phrase that keeps running through your head.
You think point of view means more than just having an opinion.
“Doing lunch” means editing your work while you gobble down a sandwich.
You never pass a bookstore without going inside…and buying a book.
You’d rather spend time in Seekerville than with your non-writer BFF.
You read the first lines of every book in the bookstore and made note of any agents or editors mentioned in the acknowledgements.
You never leave home without a pen and paper tucked in your pocket, purse or man bag.
You’d rather sit at your computer than ________ (fill in the activity of your choice).
You can figure out who the villain is in any book you’re reading by the third chapter.
(Not Seeker books, of course.).
Your Christmas Wish List includes the latest How-To Writing book.
|The Tomato House Restaurant, Senoia, GA,|
where The Walking Dead is filmed.
You break down every movie you see into 3 Acts and Turning Points.
Your kids know eating pizza 5 nights in a row means mom’s on deadline.
Your kids get tired of pizza after ordering delivery 5 nights in a row.
You talk openly in public about how you killed someone.
You critique every book you read.
You take notes when police chase scenes run on the nightly news.
You check caller ID for a New York area code every time the phone rings.
You break down in tears when the kids bring in the mail and say you’ve received a big envelope from the editor who’s had the hard copy of your manuscript for over a year.
You ask your pharmacist the easiest way to poison someone.
(Not the editor, of course.)
Your to-be-read pile includes books written by many of your good friends.
The history listing on your laptop includes “How to Make a Bomb” and “Meth for Beginners.”
You’ve never met a cop you didn’t want to interview.
At writing conferences, you realize the women, age 23-27, wearing black and hiding their name tags, are all New York editors.
The first section you look at in the Sunday newspaper is the bestsellers’ list.
Rejection means more than being dumped by a boyfriend.
“Your baby” refers to 400 pages of Courier New.
Your family takes vacations each summer in the locale you’ve selected for your next book.
You know query means more than a question.
Along with the dust bunnies under the bed, you’ve also shoved five completed manuscripts rejected by a wide-range of editors, who you call names I won't mention.
You know you can’t judge a book by its cover.
Your flying body parts are never bloody.
You go to work in a T-shirt and sweat pants. Or maybe jammies.
You know voice has nothing to do with singing.
You end everything with a HEA.
|Pretty azaleas in my yard!|
I scanned the comments from 2010 and found the following gems:
You know you're a writer when you spend more time selecting the perfect name for your characters than you do selecting the perfect name for your own children.
If the *keeper* section of your bookcase rivals the public library.
You read about a Hollywood Gossip Columnist named "Hedda Hopper" and wonder if she has a cousin named "Pointa View."
|This bench in The Tomato House is|
inviting me to sit and relax with a good book.
You keep calling your husband by your Hero's name.
Myra offered this, or maybe it was the Grammar Queen:
You own five different thesauruses (thesauri?), six baby name books, and you love looking up arcane info in the Chicago Manual of Style.
You cut back on buying groceries to fund a writing conference trip.
You have a bumper sticker on your car that says, "I'd rather be writing."
You know you're a writer when you could wallpaper your entire house with rejection letters.
If you talk to a teacher about editing your child’s behavior.
You know you're a writer if your home library of police procedures automatically makes you a person of interest.
Now it's your turn. Post your favorite line.
Breakfast is a Southern buffet that includes a wide assortment of dishes made with grits--cheese grits, shrimp and grits, quick grits and plain ole hominy grits--plus fresh fruit, ham and egg casserole, hash browns and hot biscuits.
Tomorrow is Saint Patrick’s Day so today's lunch menu includes corned beef and cabbage, soda bread and boiled potatoes, along with shamrock cookies for dessert!
Wishing you abundant blessings,
Visit me online at firstname.lastname@example.org
When Carrie York arrives at the house she inherited from her father in an Amish community, she's shocked to discover a soldier's body on the property. Her neighbor, army special agent Tyler Zimmerman, starts investigating the murder, and Carrie fears it's related to her father's mysterious death. Tyler doesn't trust the pretty speechwriter or the suspicious timing of her arrival—especially since her boss is responsible for his father's death. But when someone attacks Carrie, Tyler insists on protecting her. With his help, will Carrie be able to hold on to her inheritance and her life?