|Not a motivational post.|
You probably think this is going to be one of those motivational, kick-in-the-butt posts with a little shaming thrown in. You know the kind we like around here.
I wholeheartedly believe that if you are going to do something-including frittering-you should do it well. What's the point of breaking your diet by shoving an ugly cookie in your mouth? If you're going to break the caloric index, get a container of Talenti sea salt caramel gelato.
I shudder when I hear stories of writers on deadline who do things like clean the toilet bowl or repaint the guest room. Standards, people. Standards.
If you're going to fritter, then by all that is holy, distracting, entertaining and makes your feet happy-dance, do it well.
Without further ado, my top ten ways to fritter away writing hours.
First, the obvious. The weapons of mass distraction.
1. Youtube- The single most motivating video for writers ever to grace a Youtube video is, yes, you guessed it. SUSAN BOYLE!
2. Pinterest- Yes, you can pin your heroes and heroines. BORING. How much more fun is it to have crazy friends who send you funny memes that make you snort your coffee out your nose. Waving to my friend, Tracey!
I'm sorry but Facebook is low level frittering at best. Sure, it fritters your time just fine, but it's like going to the monster truck show. There really is no tangible value, except looking up guys you went to high school with who dumped you and now look like your father. Karma, baby!
Most Twitter users simply do not understand the product's analytics and instead utilize the app as though they were throwing spaghetti at the wall. Sometimes it sticks, but usually, it doesn't, leaving a slimy distasteful residue.
The other weapons are purely an acquired taste and have not earned a place on this list.
3. Author Central. This is like crack for writers. The site monitors print purchases and e-books. Hourly, weekly, rank over time. A handy tip to increase print sales rank: purchase twenty copies of your book. Easy peasy! Have them sent to your postal mailbox to avoid embarrassing questions about the boxes stacked in the living room. The geographical purchases map, such as below, applies to print purchases only. You can determine if your mother-in-law really is buying your book.
|Click on map for more fun!|
4. Check your reviews. Sure this seems like a no-brainer, but to get the real therapeutic value from this fritter you have to check all the reviews written by the BAD reviewers, thus convincing yourself (after four hours) that the reviewer has mental health issues. When you encounter a bad review, do not hit the 'not helpful' button. It only calls attention to the review.
|Duh! Buy link!|
5. Monitor the top 100 Kindle best-sellers in your category. "Amazon Best Sellers. Our most popular products based on sales. Updated hourly." Sort of addicting words aren't they?
For contemporary Love Inspired authors, here is the link. Not that I've ever personally used it. Remember, they are updated hourly, so theoretically you could spend your 401K sending Kindle copies of your book to all your friends on all your social media platforms. Then take a scream shot... I mean a screen shot, of your book sitting pretty in the top ten, and put that sucker on Facebook.
6. Word Games. Because as writers and readers our highest aspiration should be to be a contestant on Jeopardy.
Amazon Alexa and Echo products deliver Jeopardy to you. "Echo, play Jeopardy." I'm sorry if you don't have this product, however, you can play Jeopardy online here.
Wordful App. Available free in the iTunes Store here and for Android on Google Play.
Scrabble. Some of my favorite memories have been Myra Johnson pummeling me at online Scrabble.
7. Writing Productivity Tools. I personally have downloaded so many productivity tools in the last year, that I have given up sleep while I try to learn them. My latest one is Saent, obtained through an Indiegogo campaign.
8. Writers and readers must have sustenance. Take it to a new level with Goldbely. I promise you won't regret the time frittered. Do not drool on your keyboard.
9. Do nothing. That's right. Nothing. Pick the lint from your navel. Stare out the window. Turn your keyboard upside down and shake it. This fritter is recommended by 99.4% of all the writers surveyed.
The Art of Doing Nothing can be found here for those of you who have forgotten how.
10. Write. This may seem counter-intuitive, but give this last one a chance. Open a document and write something that the current market does not support, that your editor, your agent, your Beta readers, your critique partners, and your cat do not want to see.
Write for yourself. Save the document and hide it in a folder marked Top Ten Best Cat Videos of All Time. If you share the computer with someone else you may need to really hide it. Instructions for Windows:
Select the files or folders you want to hide.
Right-click and choose Properties.
Click the General tab.
Click the checkbox next to Hidden in the Attributes section.
These fritters have been tested by a team of expert fritterers and have the Good Frittering Seal of Approval. These fritters have been documented in The American Journal of Therapeutic Frittering. You can fritter with confidence when you follow my top ten.
That's it! Aren't you glad you stopped by? Leave a comment or better yet...leave a fritter to get your name in for today's giveaways.
A shameless self-promotion mug and a Seeker e-book of choice. Winners (2) will be announced in the Weekend Edition.
This post was brought to you by Tina Radcliffe. Sign up for her February newsletter here and you are guaranteed more fun! www.tinaradcliffe.com