tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post5210794824419368332..comments2024-03-27T03:14:07.652-04:00Comments on Seekerville: The Journey Continues: Hands-On Friday: A Day to Boldly Go Where No Writer Has Gone BeforeMissy Tippenshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05480008023330542958noreply@blogger.comBlogger169125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-86743687850096526042018-08-10T00:37:30.937-04:002018-08-10T00:37:30.937-04:00Please take a peak at the first two paragraphs of ...Please take a peak at the first two paragraphs of my book. I would appreciate any reaction, retort, response or reply that you may want to share with me. I'm pretty new at this and only have 1 published short story under my belt. So here goes:<br /><br />My name is Clare, and I’m a journalist. Why does that particular grouping of words always make me think of an AA meeting? I write news articles for a newspaper. I deal in facts; I deal with other people’s issues, stories, events, heartaches and journey’s. It’s all about other people. That’s the way I’m built. Telling other people's stories are what appeals to me. So when my boss, at the Washington Post, tells me that he has a special project for me, I jump at the opportunity. That was mistake number one. He wants me to do a series of stories about ME. My family; our history; our ups and downs and heartaches and celebrations. And…it must “entertaining.” Yep, that’s the exact word he used. Agreeing to it, I made the epic mistake of thinking this would be a piece of cake. As I sit here staring at the blank screen and blinking cursor, I now understand why people curse! I don’t, but I get it. I suppose the real question is why is this project making me so nervous? Well, maybe I’m not certain I want the whole world to know about the Donovan Tribe. Or maybe, I’m just not ready to open up about myself. That’s more realistic. Well, I am committed. There is no backing out now. Grabbing my notebook, I start jotting down facts. The basics, right? Names, dates of births, number of siblings, number of moves, school days, first boyfriend, best friend, first date, first car, and on and on… Data gathering. Step 1. Check. No problem, right? My boss Bob was not happy. He said something along these lines to me: <br />“If I wanted to read a genealogy of your family, Donovan, I would have looked it up myself. I want a story! You’re always telling me you’re a storyteller…so tell me the story of you and your family. Make me laugh; make me cry; make me FEEL something. You’ve been a journalist for a long time; and you’re good at your job or you wouldn’t be here. But for this project, I need you to be the teller of a GREAT story. Your story. So, get busy, Donovan, and don’t bother me until you’ve got something real.” <br />Ouch…That was the longest conversation my boss had ever had with me. It’s now or never, Clare Donovan. As a reporter/journalist, I am keenly aware that a strong background is needed to set the foundation. Closing my eyes, I try to envision what the spring of 1982 might have looked like in a place called Cheverly, Maryland.<br /><br /> P Torreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12744123918178117428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-30868594119849491742018-08-05T21:31:02.904-04:002018-08-05T21:31:02.904-04:00Ruth, Thank you so much for your input. The Spirit...Ruth, Thank you so much for your input. The Spirit has been making me aware of my grammatical problems lately. It is permeating everything I write. I have daughters who are reviewing my work. What you have said aligns with what He has been pointing out to me in what I have read here and in authors I love. Thank you so much. This input was just what I needed right now. I just ventured out recently so this gives me a boost of confidence to move forward and a direction to focus on for the moment. Thank you for doing this.jemkahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05991627863703156394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-9770046820607673252018-08-04T19:11:48.197-04:002018-08-04T19:11:48.197-04:00Thanks, Ruth! I was never rolling in the bucks (in...Thanks, Ruth! I was never rolling in the bucks (in fact I believe my lack of worldly success was a hint to me I was not pleasing God), but I definitely hung out with the sexy authors and read their trashy novels. And I wasn't happy...Anne Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00602981368039623635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-27594883421546909132018-08-04T18:41:17.124-04:002018-08-04T18:41:17.124-04:00Yes, I can hear you cheeing for Cella!! So true ab...Yes, I can hear you cheeing for Cella!! So true about the western territories. Wyoming gave full voting rights to women as early as 1869. If you live near Seneca Falls I'm not surprised you're so supportive of votes for women. I can picture you marching along with my heroine and other suffragettes down the streets of New York City in the big parade of 1913 and later joining the demonstration in Washington. All courageous women.<br />Thank you, Ruthy, for those suggestions that will only strengthen the scene. Pat Jeanne Davishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05000956321646970512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-35206698930191701882018-08-04T15:46:46.774-04:002018-08-04T15:46:46.774-04:00I'd love for you to take a look at the first t...I'd love for you to take a look at the first two paragraphs of my WIP. Thank you so much. <br /><br />Though the June sun warmed Nadia Maguire's face, she shivered then tilted her head. Why didn’t the birds chatter? The deadly quiet surrounding the immaculate grounds of Oak Mountain Memorial Graveyard tied her stomach into thorny barbs.<br />If not for Jon's name, etched into the granite headstone, she'd deny her husband had been laid to rest six months prior. He'd played tennis, jogged every weekend, and belonged to every social club in their town then he was gone. <br />June Fosterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08370414076458877071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-87641312060645501942018-08-04T12:05:52.419-04:002018-08-04T12:05:52.419-04:00ps - a) i have twin nephews but they are not ident...ps - a) i have twin nephews but they are not identical; b) always wanted twins but it didn't happen; and c) always wished i *WAS* a twin, but, well....Robin E. Masonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16258253525429429571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-70094554708515728842018-08-04T12:00:24.151-04:002018-08-04T12:00:24.151-04:00Hullo Ruthy, and thank you so much for your feedba...Hullo Ruthy, and thank you so much for your feedback and comments!<br /><br />i've always been fascinated with twins and multiples! this story has been simmering for a LONG time.<br /><br />my first series i wrote omniscient (without realizing) and it worked well. second series is first person, which evidently is my "voice" (so i've been told.) not sure that will work for this story since the fun is in the confused reactions of others (to their pranks.)<br />this scene is a flashback, and then the story will cut to current day, and the romance is Bethy and Mere's - they both marry twins, but not twins to each other; hence the series! <br /><br />Lee-Ann, thank you so much for your input!! i plan to chat with twins and moms of twins for accuracy - and some real-life antics. the title comes from an off hand comment the mom makes, "It's like we have one daughter." to which the dad replies, "Yeah, but i'm sure paying for two." or some such! LOL i will check out the link you provided!<br /><br />Wilani, i am hoping to have this out some time next year - am working on a Christmas novella (cutting it close for this year!!) and kids' stories - neighbor kids have asked me to write them stories! and my granddaughter (12 years old) is wanting me to write stories for her as well. this is a change of genre for me, so i'm treading lightly - at the same time, i can't wait to get my "romancedy" feet wet!!<br /><br />thanks ladies, so much for your comments!!Robin E. Masonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16258253525429429571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-32382769594396342082018-08-04T07:47:17.241-04:002018-08-04T07:47:17.241-04:00Thanks Ruth. I will take some time to think about ...Thanks Ruth. I will take some time to think about your suggestions. <br /><br />Sofia is feeling isolated because she is the only one who disapproves. She has none of her friends at the wedding, and no aunts either. This chapter is called A Sister Scorned. I have been very focused on her isolation without thinking about the viewer, or the other participants.<br /><br />I do manage to get her to spill a drink all over the minister who presided over the wedding a few paragraphs later, making sure he doesn't forget her :)<br /><br />In another scene we meet Sofia's friends. The five women have spent most of their lives preparing to meet Mr Right, and assuring themselves they are desirable. Yet between them they have had 14 marriages, and Sofia has a reputation for always settling for Mr Wrong. <br /><br />Thanks for the feedback about my storytelling )i(Chrissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18221829388681679595noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-34798652592505133642018-08-04T06:12:50.871-04:002018-08-04T06:12:50.871-04:00Good morning, Christine!
POOR EVIE!!!!! I want to... Good morning, Christine!<br /><br />POOR EVIE!!!!! I want to rescue her!!!!<br /><br />Okay, here are two things... if you're in Sophia's pov would she think about her curvaceous beauty? An onlooker would, but would she think that about herself?<br /><br />And this is the wedding, right? <br /><br />I'd have some more fun with this reception for the opening.<br /><br />A snappy back-and-forth conversation could tell the reader all of this and show us more about Sofia, too. Maybe an aged aunt who's wise and outspoken...<br /><br />Or a girlfriend, ready to speak plainly about this whole thing.<br /><br />Totally a great option to bring the reader right into this opening, BOOM! <br /><br />Something to think about as you play with this. Your talent for storytelling shines through. I'd just switch it to a more active opening, less passive. Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-8053412739998313852018-08-04T06:05:40.324-04:002018-08-04T06:05:40.324-04:00Well, this is gripping... And look at you, in Bibl...Well, this is gripping... And look at you, in Biblical fiction. Quite captivating... <br /><br />I'd suggest a hint of the mysterious men earlier... they seem to come out of nowhere in her consciousness, and yet she'd noticed them earlier... and is concerned. <br /><br />Love the getting ready... and sad for her, too. :( <br /><br />Men are pigs. (sighing)<br /><br />Not all men, of course, but too many!<br /><br />This confused me, the loom, the rope, the flax on the roof??? Then what seemed like hours... then the window... So she got ready for the evening hours early? Would that be typical? <br /><br />I'd suggest cleaning up the timeline... lovely writing, Lila! Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-68977168396830973462018-08-04T05:55:33.490-04:002018-08-04T05:55:33.490-04:00I agree!!! I had to carry over because I couldn...I agree!!! I had to carry over because I couldn't stop farm work long enough to get back or stay online long enough to answer, LOL! This is so much easier in the winter, but it's so much fun to play with folks right here in front of the world! :)Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-77904984582463009542018-08-04T05:54:28.873-04:002018-08-04T05:54:28.873-04:00Oh, this is so much fun!!! Did you know that I was...Oh, this is so much fun!!! Did you know that I was a bridal consultant for 8 years at a wonderful local store called Bridal Hall??? I loved that job... and I waitressed for 11 years before that, so I've taken a lot of what I got paid to do to raise my kids and use it for story research!<br /><br />DOUBLE WIN!!!<br /><br />This is well done, Lila. Great name, by the way.<br /><br />So she's engaged at the book's start? What's the story about? I'd love to hear more.<br /><br />One bit of advice is to minimize exclamation points... I do that by only letting excitable old people use them or excitable children... which allows me to keep the grown up love interests from going over the top, and sets my kids and fussy old ladies (laughing!) apart from the other characters... it's a great technique and brings individual characters to life...<br /><br />The only thing I might suggest (since it's already published) is to think about changing up the pacing and sentences a smidge, but I think you're fine either way.<br /><br />Here's what I mean. <br /><br />First, where is she? On a bus? A train? A waiting room? We don't know where she's browsing and so the reader is left wafting....<br /><br />First person is a fun twist!!!! (I do use exclamation points all I want in Seekerville!!!!)<br /><br />Second paragraph... I saw myself sauntering down the aisle. Two flower girls sprinkled pink and purple rose petals for my high-heeled pumps to tread. Two matching girls followed behind, holding my magnificent train above the pastel trail.<br /><br />Most brides with trains liked the visual of the train or a cathedral veil trailing down the aisle behind them... so using girls is different. Something to think about, and it's clear this girl has given thought to her wedding. <br /><br />I'm so glad you braved this and best of luck with your sales. I hope you come around some more!Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-90386959514694212692018-08-04T05:42:16.270-04:002018-08-04T05:42:16.270-04:00Your storytelling ability is amazing. It is solid ...Your storytelling ability is amazing. It is solid and I can see exactly what you're doing here, and it's captivating...<br /><br />The mechanics need work. By mechanics I mean timing, spacing and sentence structure. There are a lot of run-on sentences that smudge the meaning behind the story. Break things up a little. Space them out. Make periods and incomplete sentences be your new BFFs. :)<br /><br />Here's an example:<br /><br />The air in the room felt thick and heavy,with many bodies packed in a small space trying to find different avenues of escape from their personal realities<br /><br />Tainted air filled the speakeasy. Too many bodies. Too much smoke. Too many scents and smells and way too much noise. The combination weighted the atmosphere. They'd come en masse, crowded together, searching an escape from their personal realities. <br /><br />When you take a great scene like this, don't be afraid to use your creativity to paint the picture for the reader. Employ their senses... involve them. Make them care. Make it so you're not just telling a story... you're immersing them in the story.<br /><br />Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-29071494109527033592018-08-04T05:32:32.783-04:002018-08-04T05:32:32.783-04:00Pat, I love this scene.... I love writing about wo...Pat, I love this scene.... I love writing about women's rights and suffrage, and I'm always amazed that rights for women were respected in the pioneer west long before the gentrified eastern U.S. gave the vote. What a bunch of namby pambys!!!!! Doesn't it amaze you that it was just over ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO?????<br /><br />So this is good and solid, but I'd make a couple of slight changes... <br /><br />I'd move the "His insult cut deep" to be the second line, and I'd describe him. "The wretched man's insult cut deep" or something to show him to the reader right off.<br /><br />I'd separate "Her legs trembled" from the sentence before, and maybe use a more visual term... "Her legs weakened. Lax, then firm, it took effort to make them obey. To make them move as fear gripped her." (something along those lines)<br /><br />I'd delete sweep of his arm because it's tighter without it... we know it's him and if he hits her hat off, we know the arm was involved....<br /><br /><b>I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE HER REACTION! I'M CHEERING FOR HER! YOU CAN PROBABLY HEAR ME FROM THERE!!!!</b><br /><br />So wonderfully done!!!Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-68133379904355003782018-08-04T05:24:57.753-04:002018-08-04T05:24:57.753-04:00Robin, I'm so glad you tried this! And what fu...Robin, I'm so glad you tried this! And what fun, I love twins and triplets, the whole montage of crazy sibling stuff!<br /><br />Okay, so here are a few things... whose point of view are we in? Mom's? It's blurred because the girls are whispering in the back of a big van, but mom is hearing them... or are we omniscient? Like God-view? That's a tricky one to do and keep the reader clear about what's going on.<br /><br />I love the girls, so typical! And this is romance, but it's mom and dad... so who are the romantic protagonists? That confused me a smidge, but either way, this looks fun. <br /><br />One bit of advice... I'd soften the number of times you use the substitute spelling for the braces-caused speech difficulties, and here's why... A little is good. Too much is mind-boggling. So if you use it once, and then refer to it other times, like "despite Mere's efforts, she lisped the phrase, and didn't look one bit happy about her lack of success." Just something to show the problem is ongoing (until it isn't!) and then use regular spelling... <br /><br />I'm so glad you stopped in today, woman of courage!!!Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-63849190244229934252018-08-04T04:23:39.330-04:002018-08-04T04:23:39.330-04:00You all are so incredible! Thank you for the excel...You all are so incredible! Thank you for the excellent suggestions and kind words. It was in paragraphs in my Word doc. But when I copied it from my phone to the website it took out the formatting...and it was after my bedtime����Lucy Nelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00037341645096489323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-85741796866008921512018-08-04T04:02:51.139-04:002018-08-04T04:02:51.139-04:00Here are the opening paragraphs from my work in pr...Here are the opening paragraphs from my work in progress. <br /><br />Sofia sat at the bar, watching the festivities. She was wearing a new dress in honour of the occasion. With her hair and makeup expertly done, she appeared younger than her thirty-eight years. Her confident style accentuated her curvaceous beauty. Usually, Sofia would be circulating among the guests. She had already turned away several attentive males eager for her company. Tonight, she was not interested.<br /><br />It was nine-thirty, on Friday the twenty-fourth of September. Her younger sister Evie was dancing with her new husband, Sebastian Romano. The bride was radiant with happiness. The newly-weds had only known each other for two months. Sofia predicted it would take even less time for the shine of her sister's infatuation to tarnish. The reality of being married to this man would open her innocent eyes to the terrible mistake she had made. Evie was devoutly religious and had insisted on a virginal wedding. Romano had told her family he would preserve her chastity only if she married him promptly. During the ceremony, he had publically demonstrated his impatience to possess her. Romano held her close since then. A powerful man like Romano had voracious appetites. Her naive sister would soon have her eyes opened.<br />Chrissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18221829388681679595noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-5615003395273874202018-08-04T04:01:10.373-04:002018-08-04T04:01:10.373-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Chrissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18221829388681679595noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-68806868309031904002018-08-04T02:06:42.532-04:002018-08-04T02:06:42.532-04:00I love reading all the excerpts!
This is my work i...I love reading all the excerpts!<br />This is my work in progress. It is Historical/Biblical Fiction. <br />What if one of the spies Joshua sent into Canaan to scope out Jericho, was actually the one Rahab marries as she is grafted into Jesus's line? <br /><br />Grey silk. Loose enough to be suggestive when she bent over, tight enough to draw the attention of all the men she’d pass. Rahab rubbed perfumed oil on her arms, and looked at herself in the brass mirror. The image was not fuzzy enough to distort the hollow look or dark circles under the eyes of the girl in the reflection. Rahab grimaced at herself and reached for her cosmetics. She despised the attention they brought her, but had to hide behind something. That was better. Men couldn’t get enough of her when she applied it just so. Not that they would be able to identify what made her eyes look so smoky. She braided sections of her hair leaving most of it to tumble freely as it chose. She looked better than the queen. She kind of hoped the king would send for her tonight. It would be better than the alternatives. She pursed her lips and sighed, checking herself over for injuries. None that would keep her from working. Unfortunately. She listlessly made her way into the outer room and to the window. The mysterious forms had moved closer. By now she could identify that the two forms were definitely men. They moved too strategically, too methodically to be animal. They had been creeping closer all morning. Slow enough to avoid detection. Except they hadn’t counted on her memorizing every curve and swell of the land. <br /><br />Now the question was, who were they? There were only two of them, couldn’t be a raid. She had heard rumblings of distrust towards Ai... but this really wasn’t their style. <br /><br />Rahab varied between working at her loom, the pile of rope, the flax on the roof for what seemed like hours, but when she went back to the window the men had hardly covered any ground. Eventually they started to merge towards the same path, and she could make out the cloth of their tunics. She had never seen it before. Could it be? She’d heard rumors from the last couple years of the terrifying defeats of the kingdoms of Sihon and Og. The God of the Israelites was no force to be reckoned with. She scanned the horizon, somewhat relieved to see no one else. Just the two men.<br /><br />She really should tell Karfur. She’d be charged with treason when he found out she’d known. Not that it mattered. She was already dead. <br /><br />She smiled. <br /><br />Naomi Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02826588986238693607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-36989068260253193452018-08-03T23:08:50.566-04:002018-08-03T23:08:50.566-04:00Hi Ruth:
Oy vey! This post is overwhelming! Nex...Hi Ruth:<br /><br />Oy vey! This post is overwhelming! Next time I'm going to have to prepare a few days in advance. I think next time you should have a two-day spot on Monday or Wednesday. <br /><br />BTW: Promos are never intrusive if they are for books that are on sale for a limited time. I think a lot of fans look for these. <br /><br />Vince<br />Vincehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12707773426729777989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-40307997494417954652018-08-03T22:47:39.915-04:002018-08-03T22:47:39.915-04:00Hi, I'm kind of new here. I wish I had seen th...Hi, I'm kind of new here. I wish I had seen this earlier, because I just hit publish today on the third in my contemporary Christian Romance series, Love is Patient. I have shown this first chapter to two editors and a beta reader, so it's pretty much done. But I would welcome any suggestions or feedback for the next uploading of edits. :)<br /><br />CHAPTER 1: DREAMING<br /><br /><br />I flipped through the pages of the bridal magazine yet again, from one dog-eared page to the next, dreaming and desiring. I imagined myself in the long, white, heavily embroidered, strapless wedding dress, complete with flowing train and fluffy veil. <br /><br />I saw myself sauntering down the aisle, two flower girls in front, strewing pink and purple rose petals for my high-heeled pumps to tread, adding two girls behind me to hold my magnificent train.<br /><br />I glanced again at the price, and that vision broke into a million disappointed pieces. $300 was the most my budget would allow for a dress. But none of these new ones were less than a thousand! Lila Dillerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10832540547332564105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-45218711728918640292018-08-03T22:22:39.428-04:002018-08-03T22:22:39.428-04:00Thanks so much for the feedback! Thanks so much for the feedback! Sally Shupehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06200001671203495990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-32304402126542620072018-08-03T22:19:17.585-04:002018-08-03T22:19:17.585-04:00Great idea, Debbie! It's always good to get ou...Great idea, Debbie! It's always good to get outside perspective. I know what I've foreshadowed and feel the coming trouble, but it's still ambiguous enough that for fresh eyes it doesn't set the eerie mood of impending doom yet. <br /><br />Glynis--Jan called me out on my ADD idea jumping above! (And in front of all the Seekers... cue the blushing. Lol) But this one was so strong I had to sit down and see where it led! I'm so bummed I missed our last meeting. I totally spaced it! I look forward to next month :)Meg Brummerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15283942009322222663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-27173082923343722952018-08-03T21:23:48.592-04:002018-08-03T21:23:48.592-04:00Guys, I had to work tonight.... will carry this ov...Guys, I had to work tonight.... will carry this over to morning! I have not forsaken you!!!! Nor have any of us! :)Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-40768783864841319002018-08-03T21:22:06.949-04:002018-08-03T21:22:06.949-04:00Love, love, love this. A classic women's ficti...Love, love, love this. A classic women's fiction opening, an overcomer in the making, this is wonderful.<br /><br />Mary makes a good point... it could be woven in... but it can be an opening, too... an in-your-face I'm a survivor type opening.<br /><br />Brava!<br /><br />Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.com