tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post6483235407791458948..comments2024-03-27T03:14:07.652-04:00Comments on Seekerville: The Journey Continues: Mystery Date and Why Some Things Work... and Others Don't Missy Tippenshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05480008023330542958noreply@blogger.comBlogger118125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-43215427467783660362018-02-24T08:21:16.403-05:002018-02-24T08:21:16.403-05:00Wonderful teaching, wonderful learning opportunity...Wonderful teaching, wonderful learning opportunity. Thanks so much! C. R. Baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04627499155109943973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-69544594833507814332018-02-24T08:20:58.996-05:002018-02-24T08:20:58.996-05:00I love Seekerville. That is all 😊I love Seekerville. That is all 😊Beth Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06131911324802518331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-38183006288200979462018-02-24T04:42:43.516-05:002018-02-24T04:42:43.516-05:00Isn't this so much fun???? And I love that you...Isn't this so much fun???? And I love that you were gutsy enough to join in! Well done! Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-60832689049336590822018-02-24T04:41:37.789-05:002018-02-24T04:41:37.789-05:00What a wonderful sense of adventure and humor your...What a wonderful sense of adventure and humor your girls have!!! Tell your parents they did a wonderful, wonderful job!!!<br /><br />Okay, this is a solid thought process here, Boo. It shows your talent. <br /><br />A few mechanics... first sentence, lose the capital on Grandmother... it's not needed here, because here it's a common noun. In the next sentences it's needed because we're 'naming' her... If you can replace the generic term with a name and it sounds right, you need the capital letter... If not (like in sentence one), no capital and I see authors make this mistake often... you are not alone!<br /><br />We have the first one begin tentatively... and the next henchman orders harshly.... so we've got dueling dialogue tags. Change one so they don't sound so parallel. You want to differentiate dialogue tags so that you don't sound repetitive, even though they have different words... <br /><br />"Resolve girds my heart." AN ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT SENTENCE, YOU BRAT!!!!! Stellar. Short, with full punch. Love it. And will probably steal it!!!! :)<br /><br />Lose the "around" in 'The two henchmen turn around.' Not needed and the sentence is stronger without it. I'd suggest 'The two henchmen turn. See me. Recognize me. I race down the aisle and fling open the door to the dining car. Then I turn.<br /><br />They're following me. Good.<br /><br />(Now here I'd put either her refusal to look at the worry on Grandmother's face... or have her notice it, but still do what she has to do. We don't want to leave Grandmother's reaction out of this...)<br /><br />And the rest I'd leave just as is, darling girl! The proposal... oh my stars, I love it!Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-80091001966051707052018-02-24T04:29:17.378-05:002018-02-24T04:29:17.378-05:00I love middle grade novels. I love kids' stori...I love middle grade novels. I love kids' stories and young adult stories. I absolutely, positively love them... and after working with kids full time for over 30 years, I'm well-read at all grade levels...<br /><br />First, this is a great idea for the opening. The kid. The cookies. The siblings. The rivalry and back-and-forth. But let's think today's kids as we open this. <br /><br />Something's wrong with Mom. (Tells us what we need to know)<br /><br />I'm pretty sure my mom's been replaced by a pod person. (Tells us what we need to know and grabs the snot-nosed kid's attention!)<br /><br />Wayne (he's my brother, he's younger than me, and a real brat and people think his red hair is so stinkin' cute but that's because they're surface thinkers. I read that term in a book, a book about really smart people and how they look so much farther into like... <i>everything,</i>... and that surface thinkers see what they see, and that's that. I knew right then I didn't want to be a surface thinker.)<br /><br />Ten cookies. The brat was chewing his tenth cookie, right in front of her, and we haven't even had breakfast. <br /><br />Yup. Pod person. I grab for the bag. If Mom won't pay attention, I will. "Hey! Leave some for the rest of us!" <br /><br />Wayne jerks back, clutching the bag to his chest.<br /><br />(Ruthy insert here: Check the spacing of the sentences. Paragraphs. For most young middle grade novels, a bounteous amount of white space is good. As readers learn to read more aggressively, they can handle the back-and-forth eye action for smaller print, longer paragraphs, but for most 4th and 5th grade kids, grade level books have a premium of white space. This allows them to follow words with a finger for the more struggling reader... and the quicker reader flies through the pages.)<br /><br />Now I want to KNOW what's gone down... divorce... death... violence... lost job.... because you've set up Mom's stress wonderfully. The only thing this needs (in my humble opinion) is a little more kid-friendly back-and forth and mechanics... meaning the placement of sentences to create that white space.<br /><br />So as you do this, make sure you give her opinion of Phil, too. Older? Younger? More reserved? Same with Wayne with your own description. Think how would a kid "see" this scene with my description? They're such visual learners, that you painting a picture for them makes all the difference.Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-64914833972478477422018-02-24T04:15:02.361-05:002018-02-24T04:15:02.361-05:00Kav, this is how I learn, too. I don't do craf...Kav, this is how I learn, too. I don't do craft books... even when sent by well-meaning friends. :) I give them away because who needs more dust collectors???? Not me. I'm a trial-and-error learner, or a follow directions learner because each publisher likes their own things their own way... so learning to bend in the wind is an author's best friend. <br /><br />We learn as we go!!!Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-28655948191788439502018-02-24T04:13:24.601-05:002018-02-24T04:13:24.601-05:00Aren't they so much fun??????Aren't they so much fun??????Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-73516408900518135742018-02-24T04:13:10.986-05:002018-02-24T04:13:10.986-05:00Sharee, I'm sure she thought "Of course s...Sharee, I'm sure she thought "Of course she will!!! Bless her heart!!!" :)<br /><br />Tenacity and persistence are wonderful traits in this business. Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-79412284875343312592018-02-24T04:12:19.865-05:002018-02-24T04:12:19.865-05:00THEY DON'T KNOW ME LIKE YOU DO!!!! :)
Brave, ...THEY DON'T KNOW ME LIKE YOU DO!!!! :)<br /><br />Brave, sweet souls, all of 'em!!!!Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-71934126014421964032018-02-24T04:11:46.931-05:002018-02-24T04:11:46.931-05:00I had to learn to trim when Love Inspired hired me...I had to learn to trim when Love Inspired hired me... and it's honestly the best craft lesson I've ever had (yes, even though I've had to CUT/SLICE/DICE my precious words, I am a wordy writer and had to get over that... I think you're a little like me in that regard.) <br /><br />It's not that our words are bad... it's that we really don't need them all.<br /><br />And that made it easier for me when I worked for other publishers, on long books and novellas... And writing tighter was the best lesson for learning how to write a wonderful novella and turn that arc on a 25,000 word curve... It's just a great skill to have in your writing arsenal, Amy.<br /><br />When you get done throwing darts at my picture, darling! :)Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-39301807444414151812018-02-23T21:51:52.936-05:002018-02-23T21:51:52.936-05:00It really is so fun with all these snippets everyw...It really is so fun with all these snippets everywhere. Jes Drewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01461289214917876396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-28553674413745172362018-02-23T21:49:58.655-05:002018-02-23T21:49:58.655-05:00Here's a snippet of the book I spent all eveni...Here's a snippet of the book I spent all evening editing to get it ready to send in to createspace, Fugitives, a contemporary young adult action adventure/romance:<br /><br />Talking to my Grandmother are two of the Masters’ henchmen.<br /><br />“Who do you think you are that you can come and accuse me of such nonsense?” Grandmother demands.<br /><br />“We mean no disrespect, ma’am,” one henchman begins tentatively. “It’s just that you do resemble-”<br /><br />Grandmother huffs. “Why, I never!”<br /><br />What do I do? Should I leave them here and escape? Grandmother seems to have it under control.<br /><br />“We’d just like to check your passport,” the other henchman orders harshly. <br /><br />Oh. No. They'll recognize her name on the passport for sure.<br /><br />What do I do? What do I do….<br /><br />It's them or me. And it's not going to be them. I know what I have to do.<br /><br />Resolve girds my heart. Then I gasp loudly as I purposely drop the snacks. <br /><br />The two henchmen turn around.<br /><br />I make sure that they see me. Then I run across the car and swing open the door to the dining room before looking back. The henchmen are following me. <br /><br />Good.<br /><br />I jump through the door, run through the dining car, and then through the next car. The car after that is some sort of private car because I burst in on a marriage proposal. The woman stares past her suitor to me in confusion, who remains on his knees, looking unsure of what to do in this instance.<br /> <br />“Uh, sorry,” I say, still running to the opposite door. “But you should totally accept, sister!” With that, I charge into the next car. <br /><br />Jes Drewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01461289214917876396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-38780428871221983492018-02-23T20:58:44.453-05:002018-02-23T20:58:44.453-05:00Thanks for the advice. I knew it needed something,...Thanks for the advice. I knew it needed something, but for some reason trimming isn't always my first thought. Maybe it should be! I'll go back and look at it again and see what I can do.Amy Anguishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08227138959392552195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-12346026055646179612018-02-23T20:39:21.388-05:002018-02-23T20:39:21.388-05:00Sorry to be so late! I don't usually browse th...Sorry to be so late! I don't usually browse through the internet until evening. It's been fun reading through other snippets.<br /><br />Here's my snippet which opens my young middle grade novel:<br /><br />Something’s wrong with Mom. She’s always had eyes in the back of her head, but she gazes past Wayne as he munches on his tenth sandwich cookie right in front of her. We haven’t even had breakfast. <br /> “Leave some for the rest of us.” I grab for the package, but Wayne hugs it close to his chest. “Mom! He’s eating them all.”<br />Without speaking, she yanks the half empty bag from Wayne’s hands and slams it on the counter before stalking out of the kitchen.<br />For a moment, the three of us stand there in silence, our eyes darting from each other’s faces to the broken cookies to the empty doorway where Mom exited. Wayne reaches for the crumpled bag.<br />“Don’t. You. Dare.” I stare him down, narrowing my eyes to slits. <br />He slinks out of the room like a scolded puppy.<br />Phil helps himself to several large crumbles. <br />I snatch the package and hold it behind my back. “I’ll tell Mom.”<br />“Go ahead,” he says with his mouth full. “I don’t think she really cares.”<br />So he sees the problem, too. <br />Linda Sammaritanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09642716227498563184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-9323274582445036372018-02-23T20:28:46.328-05:002018-02-23T20:28:46.328-05:00Well, Hope should be reading Alexander and the Ter...Well, Hope should be reading Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst! :) Poor thing!!!<br /><br />Amy, you've got a great set-up here for mega conflict and problems.... but my word of advice is to get out the scissors and trim this way back, like when I get my Doodle shaved down in the spring.<br /><br />Now before you get mad at me, look at what I mean...<br /><br />And then adjust as it works for you OR don't change anything at all...<br /><br />Out of work.<br />Soaked feet.<br />Soaked clothes.<br />And when the stupid umbrella flipped inside out in a gust of wind, the deluge made her even wetter, adding insult to injury.<br />Hope tossed the umbrella into a curbside garbage can and climbed into her car.<br />The phone rang almost instantly. She slid the car into gear and answered the call. <br /><br />(Okay, I'm pausing there to show that we've covered multiple paragraphs and set it up to read crisp and clear and clean... Now she can tell Mom the rest, about her disappointment, etc. in the phone call and that way we don't rehash it twice in one page... or two pages...)<br /><br />Now, let's skip down to Kyle... that comes out of the blue in a different conversation. This could be an internal thought after her mother counsels her... don't let it go on too long, a few lines of bossy but loving mother gets the point across. And she can think of how her mother doesn't like Kyle during or after the conversation...<br /><br />The crash... This is a fun, strong thing and if you can tighten this by getting rid of some sentences, and making us feel the immediacy of the moment. <br /><br />Trimming the crash:<br /><br />The car didn't respond. The tires lifted as if airborne and when she tapped the brake, nothing happened.<br /><br />She dropped the phone. Mom's voice came from the far corner of the floor as Hope re-pumped the brakes.<br /><br />Still nothing and the amber light blinked up to full red.<br /><br />She couldn't stop. The car had a mind and trajectory all its own as it careened over the white-painted stop line and into the intersection.<br /><br />A school bus came rolling her way. She glanced up. The look of fear in that driver's eyes sent her heart racing.<br /><br />The front end flew into the mid-rear of the bus.<br /><br />Metal crunched.<br /><br />Airbags inflated with a loud <i>whoosh!</i><br /><br />And then they deflated, leaving her scrunched between the tires of the bus, below a bunch of screeching high school students. Including two from her second level math class.<br /><br />Yup.<br /><br />It was a No Good, Very Bad Day.Ruth Logan Hernehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11550734775151341968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-62147182140481887902018-02-23T20:23:37.942-05:002018-02-23T20:23:37.942-05:00Wow -- I'm way late to the party. Today was ph...Wow -- I'm way late to the party. Today was physio day and recovery tool longer than usual and I'm all sleepy and discombobulated so I've spent a good few hours off and on reading in snippets. Love this so much. All the brave souls who...well bared their writing souls...and the critiques too. Soooo helpful to soak up. This is the way I learn. It's pure awesomesauce!Kavhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03719229222267994577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-43952200741285834652018-02-23T18:31:17.949-05:002018-02-23T18:31:17.949-05:00I'm enjoying reading these snippets! I can'...I'm enjoying reading these snippets! I can't wait to read more!Caryl Kanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03446868830897710358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-27081484978374945152018-02-23T17:35:54.457-05:002018-02-23T17:35:54.457-05:00Missy, I'm right behind you! Way behind and tr...Missy, I'm right behind you! Way behind and trying to catch up. Ruth, I loved your story! I can only imagine what that author thought when you told her you'd be like her someday. :) Sharee Stoverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06675587498734198262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-51881060415672962552018-02-23T16:44:34.168-05:002018-02-23T16:44:34.168-05:00Debby, great suggestion! Gives me chills.Debby, great suggestion! Gives me chills.Connie Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00202260212058085506noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-48920814423861636712018-02-23T16:43:57.182-05:002018-02-23T16:43:57.182-05:00Sally, having Jim Cantore come during a snowstorm ...Sally, having Jim Cantore come during a snowstorm wouldn't be as scary.<br /><br />Thanks for your interest in my story. It won't be ready for a while, but I will remember that!Sandy Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11920692341258066387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-79981951834435644692018-02-23T16:43:02.336-05:002018-02-23T16:43:02.336-05:00Debby, thanks for your comments. Actually, the tor...Debby, thanks for your comments. Actually, the tornado comes early in the story. The rest of the book concerns the aftermath and rebuilding. Also, it is the storm and the praise he gets afterwards that really fuels his desire to "move up in the world" when he gets so much attention and recognition afterwards. I do have him being frantic about his family, not knowing how they fare in the storm, but then he is so busy afterwards with all the media attention, he isn't able to devote time to his family. In addition, his house has been badly damaged, which leads to further conflicts and frustration.<br /><br />Something else about the story I didn't mention is that in the opening, there is a tornado warning that he misses. It turns out not to be anything, but his station manager is upset and his job is on the line. This further erodes the situation at home because now he feels he needs to spend even more time away from home--leaving his wife home alone with premature newborn twins with medical needs. In the end, they both realize they are each partly to blame and I have figured out an ending to help him make a decision. <br /><br />I appreciate your suggestions.Sandy Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11920692341258066387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-34972105298151190572018-02-23T16:23:53.203-05:002018-02-23T16:23:53.203-05:00Oh my goodness, I'm so behind! I've been o...Oh my goodness, I'm so behind! I've been out all day. I'll have to catch up. I look forwarding to reading the snippets! I'm so impressed with how many are brave enough to share today--especially with Ruthy! ;) hahaMissy Tippenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05480008023330542958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-75906825463460015992018-02-23T16:21:31.773-05:002018-02-23T16:21:31.773-05:00Oh, I LOVE grits! I love cheese grits, garlic chee...Oh, I LOVE grits! I love cheese grits, garlic cheese grits, plain grits with salt and pepper. And I grew up in Kentucky eating grits with sugar and butter on them. :)Missy Tippenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05480008023330542958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-6385941662007497232018-02-23T16:14:12.289-05:002018-02-23T16:14:12.289-05:00Oh wow, that sounds intense. No worries, that'...Oh wow, that sounds intense. No worries, that's not what my story is about. It's about a (slightly insane) girl who is from another world but when she was born her mother had to flee to earth because of *reasons*, but she has always been drawn to Amar so of course she goes and *stuff happens*<br /><br />I think the only thing they have in common is the portals (though my portals are created by people, it sounds like yours is just kinda there) and a heroine with powers, but pretty much every fantasy book has that so no problems there ;P<br /><br />Yes you should! Because I would love to read that story!Nicki Chapelwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00975226105127466970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3649424089750316818.post-56437101661444671022018-02-23T16:09:06.989-05:002018-02-23T16:09:06.989-05:00“It’s raining but I’m almost home.”
“I should let ...“It’s raining but I’m almost home.”<br />“I should let you go until later then. You shouldn’t be driving and talking on the phone at the same time, anyway.”<br />“It’s okay, Mom.” Hope tapped the brakes as she neared the intersection.<br />“I’ll call you later–”<br />Hope muttered a word her mother didn’t approve of and dropped the phone as the car continued to slide no matter how hard she pushed the pedal. <br />“Hope? Are you okay?” Mom’s voice was far away yelling through the phone on the floor.<br />Was she supposed to turn into the spin or opposite from the way the car was going when hydroplaning? Her driver’s education course was not sticking with her at this moment. She pressed her foot down again with hopes that this time something might actually catch and slow down her vehicle.<br />The light continued to blare red. A school bus headed through the intersection just as she reached it. She closed her eyes. The front of her Toyota crunched. The sound made her grimace more than the impact. She slowly looked up to see her sedan wedged under the back of the bus, and a couple of her students staring down at her through the windows. Just great. Way to add insult to injury, God.Amy Anguishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08227138959392552195noreply@blogger.com