It was in seventh grade the first (and last) time I wrote one of those “do-you-like-me?” notes. You know the kind. Where the recipient is asked to check a box “yes-no-maybe”. I used my friend’s green pen to write on the lined looseleaf paper and drew a heart in one of the corners.
Don’t worry, I scratched out that heart before having a friend deliver it to the boy of my thirteen year old dreams.
I got the note back between classes with a big black X in the box next to the dreaded word “no”. Then, just below my note, the heartthrob had written, “Maybe you should have prayed about it first.”
YOWCH!
My little heart was broken.
We’ve all had these deflating moments, haven’t we? If we’re honest, we’ve had several of them. Whether we’ve experienced the rejection of a love interested, a letdown at work, or discouragement in our writing life, it all stinks.
Often these disappointments leave us feeling dejected, hurt, and even downright depressed. It’s tough, isn’t it?
So, how can we make it through our seasons of discouragement in once piece? More than that, how can we end up thriving out of a time when we’re deeply discouraged?
I’ve got four ideas for you that have worked for me over the past few years when I’ve gotten a “no thank you” from an editor or a less than flattering review online. These have even helped when I’ve faced difficulty in relationships or on the job.
1. Acknowledge the hurt: I tend toward the optimistic. I like looking on the bright side. But sometimes when disappointment comes my way, it’s important that I don’t ignore the pain. See, if I push down the feelings about the rejection (whatever it may be) I only set myself up for an emotional eruption later on. Instead, I need to look into the hurt, name it, address it. Then I can move past it.
Next time you encounter discouragement, make sure you take a moment to face it and give yourself the space to mourn or cry or grumble. But don’t stay there forever (more on that later).
I’m careful to choose a friend who can understand the situation, who can give a good pep-talk, and one who cares enough about me to not let me wallow in my hurt. I pick a friend who will spur me on to get back to the good work God has for me to do.
Good friends have this amazing ability to see the best in us, even when we’re blind to our virtues and talents. And, when it comes time, we can return the favor, serving our friends with an uplifting word when they’re in need.
3. Remember what you’re worth: It’s tempting when receiving a rejection to think our value is less because of it. Sometimes it takes a hit on our self esteem. We beat ourselves up, allow self-doubt to fill our minds with mean words, and stop believing in the good God has for us.
So, when in seasons of disappointment, we need to change the narrative. We need to stop believing that our worth is in what we do, how we do it, or in what we accomplish. Our worth is in who created us, desires us, and redeems us.
Our worth is in being the dearly loved children of the One who holds the universe in the palm of his hand. Our value is in the One who paid it all so that we could have life in him. We are treasured above anything we could comprehend. We are children of the King.
That’s our worth.
Does that take away the sting of disappointment? Well, not always. But it will put it into perspective, reminding us of what’s most important.
4. Try again: When we encounter rejection in any form it can become an excuse to give up. But that’s not necessarily the best option. It can also be tempting to lick our wounds, focusing on our hurts over long.
I like to say that rejection/disappointment isn’t the end. It’s a chance to try again.
So, put some ointment on those hurt feelings, brush yourself off, and get back to the work. And as you’re going along, remember that Stephen King had stacks and stacks of rejections before he heard “yes” for the first time. Elvis got fired after his very first performance (probably because of those fancy dance moves). Marilyn Monroe was advised to get a clerical job when auditioning for modeling jobs.
But they all tried again. And again. And maybe even a dozen more agains.
Does it take courage? Yeah. Does it take grit? Absolutely.
Will it be worth it in the end? In one way or another, YES!
When I was in seventh grade, the note with the big, fat “NO” box checked, my first response was to stuff my head in my locker where I sobbed as quietly as I could. Then I told my besties what happened, letting them buy me an unreasonable amount of chocolate from the vending machine.
It wouldn’t be my last heart break, and it wouldn’t be my biggest. But as I grew up and matured, I learned that my worth couldn’t depend on anything except my claim as daughter of the King.
I tried again and again. Then, one day, I caught the eye of really great guy who would end up saying “I do” to me.
Did it all work out the way I’d expected? Not at all! Did the various disappointments hurt? Oh yeah.
But in the end God provided more than I could have dared ask or desire.
And our Father is faithful to work all things together for the good of those who love him over and over again. Watch for him to do his best in the midst of our heart break.
How do YOU deal with disappointment or rejection? Who is the friend you call first when you’re feeling low and need a pep talk? Is there a verse from the Bible that lifts your spirits when you need to remember your worth?
I’d love to hear from you!
>> Susie has graciously offered one reader a copy of her latest release, All Manner of Things. Just leave a comment below for her to be entered for your chance to win.
In Mike's absence, their father returns to face tragedy at home, adding an extra measure of complication to an already tense time. Letter by letter, the Jacobsons must find a way to pull together as a family, regardless of past hurts. In the tumult of this time, Annie and her family will grapple with the tension of holding both hope and grief in the same hand, even as they learn to turn to the One who binds the wounds of the brokenhearted.
