Monday, January 13, 2020

How Healing Happens with Guest Robin W. Pearson

I'm pleased to have Robin Pearson with us today. Be sure to check out her debut novel from Tyndale, A Long Time Comin', which got a starred review from Publishers Weekly! Thanks for being with us today, Robin!


How Healing Happens
Letting Others into the Hurt

By Robin W. Pearson
When Hubby has something to say, he says it. He doesn’t believe in toting around his hurt feelings like a turtle bears its shell, burrowing inside to hold his tongue or hide his thoughts. He doesn’t wound with his words, but the weight of them often pressures me into sharing what I haven’t sifted through and muttering an “I’m sorry” or an “I forgive you” that starts in my head and ends nowhere near my heart.
I do admire his forthrightness, his boldly going where my tongue dares not go. All my peeps can tell when my feelings are really hurt—generally, by the words I don’t say. The heat of my anger, disappointment, and frustration can cause the temperature in my house to plummet nearly twenty-five degrees. More during the wintertime. I’ve reconciled this silence by calling it my “process”—the time I take to self-evaluate and self-edit to whip my mind and my mouth into obedience. At least that’s what I’ve told myself and the people I’ve refused to talk to.
Now, if I follow the world’s line of thinking, I’d point all five fingers to our pasts and blame “learned behavior” for our present choices and actions. While my daddy and mama love without restraint, dispensing hugs and kisses like candy from a parade float, they can turn home into a chilly, silent place when an internal storm brews. They’ve been known to go a week without speaking to each other until Sunday dinner melts the ice between their lips.
And on the other side of the family table sit Hubby’s folks, who love just as hard and deeply as my own parents. My in-laws don’t spew emotions and ooze advice long after their initial outburst, like volcanoes, or reveal only a little of what’s floating underneath, like icebergs. They’re more like your favorite two-liter sodas that have rocked and rolled around the floor of the car. Once uncapped, they’ll likely spray anyone who doesn’t get out of the way. But when all is said and done, it’s just that.
So needless to say, Hubby and I have brought along a bit of life-size baggage on our wonderful marriage adventure, and we’ve had to unpack and stow our emotional “belongings” just so. To let the other in without shutting the other out. To talk a lot more while the other . . . well, talks a little less. To redeem healing from the hurt.
Acknowledging the (Holy) Ghost Writer
We do carry our own family history, complete with its blessings and burdens. It seems I inherited an invisible “gene” for stewing, as well as procrastination, sarcasm, hugs, and a love for all things cheesy. Yet, my heavenly Father designed me with unique thoughts and feelings—and a manner of communicating them. In order to take up my cross daily—and not become the one someone else must bear—this “fearfully and wonderfully made” child had to accept responsibility for my own choices and use my writing powers for good . . . and God (Psalm 139:14).
Editing the Story
Truth: A “cooling-off period” doesn’t give me time to think before I speak. It merely helps me gather more wood to stoke fires yet smoldering. Instead of building up my arsenal of silence and wielding it, I record my prayers, feelings, and memories in journals, type them on my laptop, and jot them down on notepads. Reading the hurt in black and white takes some of the sting out of the pain and helps me see many injuries are either self-inflicted or at least, not life-threatening.
Once I see myself and my role in events and relationships more clearly, I recover more quickly from conflict. I sincerely extend and accept forgiveness. I see that what was doesn’t have to be.


Telling the Tale
What’s a story without an audience? Sometimes my written prayers and pleas are meant for One—for God’s ears and eyes only. At first. He, in turn, enables me to open up to Hubby and the little people, flesh of my flesh, and uncover those hurt places I’d bandaged with a smile.
Then I’m often led to set my sights on the million after the One. In my blog, Mommy, Concentrated, I write about my daily walk as a freelancing homeschooler. I work through the whys, whos, and hows that help me interpret and apply His life lessons. I intermingled lore and life in my debut, A Long Time Comin’, a work of fiction that reveals many truths about faith in God and the impact of long-buried memories. My book and my blog let others into how I’ve been hurt and helped, providing encouragement and comfort as I’ve been comforted (2 Corinthians 1:4). 
Telling the tale is how I “let the works I’ve done speak for me” as my church mothers sang. It’s my way of acknowledging the Author of my life’s story and why I’m continually reviewing and editing, for I know that what was doesn’t have to be. How do you invite others to come alongside, whether to wail or to whoop for joy? Use your words, whether they’re written or spoken—or written, then spoken. Let them speak life and healing.


A Long Time Comin'
To hear Beatrice Agnew tell it, she entered the world with her mouth tightly shut. Just because she finds out she’s dying doesn’t mean she can’t keep it that way. If any of her children have questions about their daddy and the choices she made after he abandoned them, they’d best take it up with Jesus. There’s no room in Granny B’s house for regrets or hand-holding. Or so she thinks.

Her granddaughter, Evelyn Lester, shows up on Beatrice’s doorstep anyway, burdened with her own secret baggage. Determined to help her Granny B mend fences with her far-flung brood, Evelyn turns her grandmother’s heart and home inside out. Evelyn’s meddling uncovers a tucked-away box of old letters, forcing the two women to wrestle with their past and present pain as they confront the truth Beatrice has worked a lifetime to hide.

About the Author
Robin W. Pearson’s writing sprouts from her Southern roots and her love of her husband and seven children. Both lend authenticity to her debut novel, A Long Time Comin’. After graduating from Wake Forest University, she has corrected grammar up and down the East Coast in her career as an editor and writer that started with Houghton Mifflin Company twenty-five years ago. Since then she has freelanced with magazines, parenting journals, textbooks, and homeschooling resources. Follow her on her blog, Mommy, Concentrated, where she shares her adventures in faith, family, and freelancing.



31 comments:

  1. Oh, this sounds like a heart-and-soul kind of story, the kind I love to read and cherish.

    Robin, welcome to Seekerville! We're delighted to have you with us today, and I'm wishing you all the very best with this thought-provoking book.

    Bless you!

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  2. I've brought coffee... tea, several kinds... bagels... and schmear. :) There's also a cooler of Cokes for all y'all. Enjoy!

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  3. Good morning, Robin, and welcome to Seekerville. I'm dashing off to work, but I'm looking forward to catching up when I get home. Thanks so much for visiting with us today.

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  4. Good morning, and welcome to Seekerville, Robin! We do all come with our personal brand of "baggage" -- our own "style" of expressing hurt and anger and disappointment, some "styles" which aren't healthy for us or those around us. Thank you for sharing your journey toward healing.

    Your book looks wonderful! I love stories with old letters and secrets from the past!!

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    1. Glynna, you're right that we all have our personal brand. Mine is similar to Robin's. I'm such a stewer! And I tend to have all my "come backs" written in my head afterward. I really need to learn to be better about speaking up.

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  5. Robin, this is deep and such a good way to begin the week. My husband's family is EXACTLY like your husband's family, they let go and lose it while the object of their anger is still processing why they're mad, and get over it sometimes before you've even figured it out. I come from a long line of "stewers." It has made for some interesting times.
    I agree with Glynna. You had me at "old letters."
    We all have feelings because we're human. It depends what we do with them. Journaling and praying can help us deal with some of them, while at other times we have to confront the person, or at least open a dialogue.
    Thank you for all the birthday wishes. It was a great day.
    Haven't been on here for at least a week, too many things hitting too many fans, tramping out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored, seeing a man about a horse, and more. Busy with The Holidays, second edits for the second "Western Dreams" book, trying to wind up my nonfiction history book for Arcadia Publishing, which involves other people who don't always come through when they say they will, so that's been an experience. Fiction is hard, but at least it's for better or worse all mine. Working on draft of final book in "Western Dreams."
    We had two days of 65-degree weather, unheard of in NH even during the January thaw, and now we're back to the cold again. But not for long, spring is just around the corner, it's just a big corner.
    Kathy Bailey
    Your Kaybee
    Making it work in nH

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    1. Kathy, I'm glad you had a good birthday and got to enjoy a little thaw! :)

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  6. Thanks for being here and congratulations on your debut! The book looks beautiful and sounds great! After 20+ years of marriage, my hubby and I are starting to learn what healthy communication looks like :) Life and marriage and parenting really is a process, isn't it? I'm guessing God knew that when He created all those things. Have a great day, everyone!

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    1. Glynis, that's so true! It's a long process, and I think we'll always be learning. :)

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  7. Robin, welcome! I loved your post so much. Mainly because your writing is beautiful. But also because I tend to deal with my life and hurts the same way. I'm a stewer just like my dad was. I'm having to learn to speak more often instead of letting hurt and anger build (sometimes to the point of blowing!). I'm learning to write things down to help me deal with them and may someday use those things in my stories.

    Congratulations on your new story! What a great way to start with a starred review! I can't wait to read this book.

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  8. I think Robin and I have some things in common. Thanks for sharing and I’m going to get that book. It sounds rich.

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    1. Dalyn, it does. I can tell by her blog post that the writing will be beautiful.

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  9. congrats on your debut. this is a wonderful post. I am a lot like your husband and my husband is a lot like you. We have been married for 36 years now and yes we both brought baggage into our marriage and yes we both still work on ourselves and help with each other. It is a journey that we invited God to help us along. blessing you you and your husband and your journey. quilting dash lady at comcast dot net

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    1. Lori, it is so important to ask God for help in navigating relationships!

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  10. Robin, I loved this post. You share such sweet wisdom and insight in your words. As far as words go, I'm a words of affirmation girl, and I find that when people use words as weapons, i get shut down pretty quickly. In the past, I just kept quiet about my hurts . . . and you can imagine how healthy that was. Over the past few years, God has shown me that sometimes, healing comes in being able to talk about those emotions and work through the hurt. When God is a part of the equation the healing is so much more complete.

    Your book sounds so, so good. Congratulations on your debut!

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    1. Jeanne, thanks for sharing what you've learned. It's something I need to hear.

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  11. Robin, your voice shines through in your writing! I feel like this Yankee gal is back in the South again, rocking on the porch and sipping...well, not sweet tea. I didn't live in the South long enough to develop a taste for it! I'll take a Diet Coke.

    Those emotions...man, a family is packed with them, isn't it? My hubby and I came from different backgrounds, too, but neither family gets loud or mean. So our house has always been a peaceful one. When we have disagreements, we've learned not to let them stew and turn into a mess, but we talk. I tend to talk more...but hubby gives me a safe place to sort through my feelings and come to a conclusion with him as a wise counselor and sounding board. The method has worked well for us for almost 38 years.

    Until we get out a board game. I'm afraid we took our youngest son's new girlfriend by surprise at Christmas. We're still peaceful - no hurt feelings, nobody gets angry - but we get a little loud. Okay, a LOT loud. :-D She had no idea.

    But back to your book...I have to read it. It's going in my Amazon cart today.

    Thanks for being here!

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    1. Jan, I wish I could be a fly on the wall during one of those family games! I'm trying really hard to picture you getting loud! :)

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  12. Such a lovely post, Robin. I'm so glad you could be with us today and for sharing insights into your family life. Seven children! You are a blessed woman, for sure. And you home school! And find time to write such delightful prose. Talented hardly describes you. Congrats on your debut. I know readers will be following you for years to come.

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  13. A beautiful and articulate post! Welcome to Seekerville, Robin! Your book sounds wonderful! Congrats on your debut!

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    1. Yes, Erica, it was certainly a beautiful post. I love her writing.

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  14. Robin, congratulations on your debut....and the PW star review! Yes, those inherited emotional traits make for good character conflict. I’m my (sweet) grandmother’s granddaughter....stubborn and quiet...just like she was. Thanks for visiting Seekerville!

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    1. Sherida, I love how you can see your likeness to your grandmother. I'm a lot like my dad in temperament. But I sometimes do things and realize I'm being just like my mom. :)

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  15. Thank you for sharing. This sounds like a great book. Blessings

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  16. This is such a wonderful post. One that makes you pause and look at how you handle things. Much wisdom to glean here.

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  17. Thanks for sharing. I've heard nothing but great things about your debut novel so it's on my wish list. :) A timely reminder for me too...

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