Writing Through the Valley - Connilyn Cossette

When I received a diagnosis of breast cancer a little over a year ago, my world was turned upside down overnight. Not only was I facing extensive chemotherapy, major surgery, and radiation but all my plans, both personal and professional, were thrown into disarray. The news came at the end of June when the first book of my new series was due in October and had recently taken on an additional (super-secret) project that was due in December. I’d started both projects but neither was anywhere near completion. Low-level panic ensued. 

In the past six years since being published, I had never missed a deadline. My perfectionism went haywire as I realized I had no choice but to ask for more time to complete both books. Of course, my publisher was more than understanding of my situation and allowed me to stretch the deadline of the first project out a few months—but due to the special nature of the extra project, they were unable to give me more than a few extra weeks. Therefore, I had no choice but to push forward while I was undergoing treatment to finish that project on time. The idea of writing a book during chemotherapy was really daunting and I honestly was not sure I would be able to complete what I had been contracted to do. But I was determined to fight, both cancer and the temptation to give up as I entered the deepest valley I’d ever faced.

However, “chemo brain” is a very real thing and it is hard, my friends. There were days when I literally could not find more than a few words inside my fuzzy brain and times when I would try to read pages from my manuscript and they made absolutely no sense to me. There were days when I was so sick I couldn’t even get my nauseated self out of bed. And days I was just too tired to even pick up a pen. But in this past year, I learned some very important lessons. The first is that I really am stronger than I ever believed I was.

If you would’ve told me two years ago that I was going to battle stage three breast cancer and write two books during treatment I absolutely would have laughed at you. I am a classic procrastinator by nature and, like every other modern American, struggle with the idolatry of comfort. And yet, I did it. I dug into reserves of perseverance that I did not know I possessed and fought fear, doubt, and bone-deep-fall-on-the-kitchen-floor weariness to finish my stories. Cancer taught me to take each day as it came, to not dwell on things I could not control, to give my body and mind rest when it called for it, and to keep moving forward even when I felt like pulling the covers over my head and giving in. It showed me that I am a warrior. 

But of course, I did none of this solely through my own strength. The second lesson I learned in vivid technicolor was the sustaining nature of my Father in heaven. Honestly, when this all began I was absolutely terrified of the suffering I was facing, but as I took each step through the valley of the shadow of death, I experienced a depth of peace I never thought possible. And on days when I had no words in my chemo-addled brain, it was my pleas to the Great Author that provided them. And when I needed help with cleaning my house or folding laundry or providing meals for my family, He sent the Body of Christ to be the hands and feet of Jesus to us. I literally felt the prayers of His people lifting me up from start to finish and keeping me motivated to write stories that would bring glory to the name of the God Who Hears and the God Who Sees. 

However, even when the first book was complete and submitted and I had a whole six months to complete the second one, new challenges surfaced that would test my hard-won perseverance and strength. My parents fell severely ill, which also revealed that both of them were suffering from much more severe dementia than we knew and that my father was in late-stage metastatic cancer. Two weeks after my deadline, I flew to Washington to help move my dad to a memory care facility since he no longer recognized anyone and relocate my mom to Texas near me so I could oversee her care. It’s been a long period of adjustment for all of us, none of it easy, but through it all, I continued to write. 

The bonus lesson in all this was what an incredible gift writing can be in seasons of hardship. Just like books invite readers to immerse themselves in a different time and place, writing allowed me to take the focus off my difficult circumstances and instead take regular vacations to my storyworld. Letting my imagination whisk me away from the realities of sickness and pain and grief, even for an hour or two a day, was a huge blessing and kept me from falling prey to depression, even when my Dad ended up passing away two weeks before my second deadline extension for the next manuscript—leading to yet another request to my incredibly patient and understanding editor for a few more weeks to finish up the book while dealing with funeral arrangements and multiple cross country trips with my Alzheimer’s stricken mom, all while I was undergoing my last two weeks of radiation…

Yeah, it’s been a tough, tough year. 

But I am happy to report that I am now cancer free (woohoo!), my mom is finally settled and stabilized, and both the super-secret project and Book One of The King’s Men Series is finished. Were they the best or cleanest manuscripts I’ve ever turned in? Nope. Not by a long shot. But thank goodness there is plenty of time to edit (which is where the true magic of writing happens anyway, in my opinion).

So here’s the thing, fellow writer. You and I are called by God to share Hope with the world through our stories. We can rely on the Father to not only give us inspiration to craft those stories but to carry us through whatever circumstances we face as we do so. Whether you are enduring health challenges, grief, a major move, struggles with children, a broken marriage, financial issues, or anything else…  He will sustain you. When we are scraping the bottom of our own strength reserves and fighting lack of motivation or inspiration, He will make up the difference. All we have to do is ask. Trust Him to provide. Listen for his Voice as He guides us through those shadowy places. And because I think someone out there really needs to hear this: give yourself grace, my writing friend. If you need rest for your body or mind or both, take it. If you need to ask for that extension, ask for it. There are times to push through with the Lord’s help and times when it’s all right to set the project aside and come back when you are refreshed and rejuvenated. Sometimes strength is saying no and simply being still. 

Whatever the case may be for your current life and writing season, I pray God gives you the discernment He’s faithful to provide. May you rest in knowing that even in the midst of suffering there can be joy, fresh inspiration, and new depths of faith. May the steadfast love of the Lord be your strength and may your stories shine the light of the One who strengthens you as He carries you through even the darkest of valleys. 

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Connilyn Cossette is a Christy Award and Carol Award winning author whose books have been found on both ECPA and CBA bestseller lists. When she is not engulfed in the happy chaos of homeschooling two teenagers, devouring books whole, or avoiding housework, she can be found digging into the rich ancient world of the Bible to discover gems of grace that point to Jesus and weaving them into an immersive fiction experience. Although she and her husband have lived all over the country in their twenty-five years of marriage, they currently call a little town south of Dallas, Texas their home. Connect with her at www.ConnilynCossette.com